Its been five months. As easy as that sounds, i feel trapped, helpless, yet grateful for the fact i'm still breathing. My body does not function as it should. i sleep by midnight, knowing fully well i have nothing to do but lay around doing nothing. It has come to the point where even social media is boring. Being bored is boring. we move around in our homes, like zombies... nothing to do, nothing to say, nothing to think about. new developments after the the other, yet none bring good news.. "CORONA VIRUS" "BLACK LIVES MATTER" "ELECTIONS" this holiday has gone on long enough, i will, from now on appreciate the time, effort,hard work and determination put in by our health care workers. They say " an idle mind is the devil's workshop" for some it has become his home. Don't let lock down keep you from achieving great things.

I know how heartbroken you are not being able to walk on the stage and be handed your diploma. You worked so hard for just that moment, the moment to shine, to show everyone what you have accomplished during your years in school. Whether to give valedictorian or class president speeches, to raise your diploma high in triumph, to smile for every camera waiting to capture the glint of awesome wonder in your eyes – the moment was yours – or should have been. Then the unthinkable happened. A virus that scientists named COVID-19 started spreading its vicious bacterium throughout the world. It did not care your age or gender, your education or lack of. It is just waiting for that one careless motion to leap onto your skin, invade your lungs and then impatiently wait. Wait and watch to see what medication treatment will be administered in time to save your life while you fight for the very breath we often take for granted. Often, even when that treatment is finally found, it is still too late. How my heart aches for every one of you who so looked forward to your graduation day. Having family members of my own who will have to miss this day, I know very well how disappointed you are. However, please keep one thing in mind. Not being able to walk on the stage in glory and triumph, does not take away the fact that you achieved your goal. You passed your tests! You accomplished what you set out to do. Your family and friends are still proud of you and when this virus is over, while you will still not be given that golden opportunity to proudly walk on the stage, your family and friends will still celebrate with you and for you. No matter what your course of study, you are what you set out to be - and nothing, no virus, no quarantine, no walking on stage, nothing can take that away from you. Yes, you can be disappointed. It is your right! To work so hard for your degree and be denied the opportunity to share that glory and pride with others is not fair. Unfortunately, life is not fair and that is something you will find out if you have not already. Life is the best of what you make it to be. Grieve for a lost opportunity to shine for a day but do not make it a goal. You already achieved the goal you set out to reach. Be proud of who you are and what you have become. We are.

Because I really don't. Jeremy's been asking me to make them again and I figure you're closer back in time, so you might know. If you don't, that's cool. It's not like we make a practice of taking notes when we cook. Maybe you're further back in time, pre-enchiladas. If you are, I definitely used chicken and tortillas, but after that you're on your own. Don't stress over the whats and the hows; we don't really think it's our best dish. And if you're wondering who Jeremy is: you'll get there. This gastronomic food road you're going down is quite the roller coaster, but the most difficult thing you're going to have to learn is how to cook and eat alone. In grad school, loneliness will become your world and—pun not originally intended—it's going to eat you up. (It won't spit you out, though. It has better table manners than that.) Your studio apartment, while a cozy hug, will suffocate you. Friends you love are moving on with their lives back home. You lose track of the family news. Getting to know people in this new city will feel arduous, and the friends you do make will not plug the black hole sucking you down the drain. You are going to feel so small. All that self-loathing and self-judgement you do now? That's not going to go away. In some ways, it'll get worse. For all you do to try to reach out, you'll fall flat. That year you will mostly sleep in a corner of your bed, surrounded by books and notes. Changing the sheets will require sorting through the stacks and figuring out which tomes are due back at the library. You only close the black-out blinds on mornings when you're hungover. When you come down with the worst flu bug in eternity over spring break, you will watch the 1996 Doctor Who movie for the first and only time, sending outraged texts about the offensive Asian stereotypes and the complete disregard for the entire Doctor Who canon. (And you will disrespect Paul McGann, only to feel horribly conflicted years later when he does a surprisingly strong mini-episode.) You will spend the year living off homemade stove-top stuffing and fried pizza dough. Experiments making peri-peri meringues and sriracha fudge will not go well. There is one sweet side to this sour gummy worm year, though. This is the year of you and your Phebe cat. You've already been together for seven years, but you've never been alone together. There have always been other people, other cats. The spaces you've lived in have never truly been yours. Phebe will be terrified of the windows. Maybe it's because your apartment building is taller than any of the other homes she's lived in; maybe it's because of the traffic. She will only get close if you bribe her with cat grass. You will start every morning together with coffee for you and milk for her. You will develop a fear of using your large chef knife when she's walking around your ankles. (What if you drop it?? Spoiler: you don't.) Multiple times throughout the winter, the fire alarm will go off in the middle of the night. You will have to lift the mattress to get her out from under the bed, then wait outside in the biting cold for the fire department to come and turn off the skull-jarring noise. Phebe will cling to you, and you will be silently aghast your next door neighbors never even try to get their cats out. As you get comfortable, you'll take lazy walks together down the apartment corridors in the middle of the night. Phebe will want to smell every inch of the carpet and will freeze at every sound; you'll want to bring your glass of wine or tea along with you. During the day, she'll sit on your lap, moving the trackpad while you try to type. At night, she'll curl up next to your belly, purring so loudly that you can't imagine another reality. She'll get so comfortable in her space, having you home with her almost all the time, that she'll get sick of you and actually come out of hiding when guests come over. She will develop a fascination with the bathtub and will want to play in it all the time with her ribbons. Obviously, it wasn't my original intention to go from enchiladas to writing a love letter to our cat. Don't worry, even though we're at least seven years out from your timeline, she's still here. More ornery, yes, and not thrilled with the fact that there is, once again, other cat around. Even less thrilled that I dared to welcome a dog into our home. (Being a dog parent is weird. I'll tell your more about that some other time.) But she still curls up in your lap and she still likes her quick lick of bovine lactations. She also enjoys getting some shredded chicken for dinner when I make enchiladas. Enchiladas. I shredded the chicken. Okay, that's one more thing I did. It's still not enough to recreate the recipe. And you know as well as I do that living up to a past success is stressful and difficult. Nerve-wracking. What if you can't get it right? Younger me, I'm sorry to inform you, but after you turn 33, you may never make enchiladas again.

“NIS” means Nazarbayev Intellectual School. Nowadays, there are at least one of them in big cities of Kazakhstan. There can be two or one NISs in one city. Why? First of all, there are different directions in each school like CBD and PMD, which mean Chemistry Biology Direction and Physic Mathematic Direction. Second of all, in these schools different quality of education and I didn't say that one of them has bad quality conversely. Both of them have excellent quality, but between them have differences. Last but not least, there are too many of desirous student in one city. Now there are 19 NISs in 17 cities in Kazakhstan.. It has been 3 years that I study in NIS CBD in Almaty. For this long time I knew and noticed interesting and gripping things about my school. So, now I'm going to advice you: should you study in NIS or not, given the fact that I have got “experience” studying there. Fortunately for most of students there are a lot of advantages of NIS. It is not a secret that NIS very unique school, because of many factors. First of all, there are free uniform and food. It means that for all uniform and food pays government from country's budget for education of young generation. Second of all, there are many international teachers, so students can talk with them and improve and develop their English, German or another language. Likewise, by communicating with international teachers or with teachers that lived abroad students learn more and become broad-minded. As an example, when I come to school, I usually go to art teacher. Her name is Mrs. Alice, so by talking to her I did not just improve my English, I knew a lot of new information about architecture and design. Third of all, in all of the NIS exists term called “Academic truth”. What is it? Academic truth impacts on student's position in the school. This academic truth includes not copying from another students, not cheating, not stealing documents with exams in it and even do not help. This strategy is based on student's knowledge, it means that all students need to write tests or another exams by themselves without any help. In my opinion, academic truth in our school can be included in advantages of NIS, because it helps to students to understand that only by yourself you can achieve your goals. Fourth of all, between NIS and another schools there are huge differences in education. As I mentioned before, NIS is very unique school, so type of education is unique too. There are many factors that make NIS's form of education different. For example: our school subjects are in different languages. It needs for improving languages, also it shows that NIS is multilingual too. On world history we study in Russian, on art, biology and chemistry we studied in English. Another factor is we have different subjects as art. It includes 3D modeling, making architecture designs, making projects and so on. Fifth of all, is more possibilities in the future. It can be everything from knowing simple things, like where is NYC to possibilities studying in huge universities and being skilled. NIS allows you to pass IELTS, SAT and to study in NU, Nazarbayev University. So, if you finished NIS, as minimum you will be very smart, skilled and broad-minded. Unfortunately, there are many disadvantages of NIS too. Firstly, as I mentioned, there are differences in education between NIS and another schools. Lessons in NIS are more difficult. For example, my friend studied in New York about 2 years and then decided to come back to Almaty. She wanted to pass the exams to NIS and she did it, I didn't even doubt, because she studied in one of prestigious colleges there. When I met her again after 2 terms in NIS, she, literally, cried and said that studying in New York's college was easier than in NIS. Unfortunately, it is true. Secondly, when you study in NIS you always at school. I wake up at half past six a.m. and at 7 a.m. I am already at school. From 8 a.m. to half past four p.m. I am at school. I, literally, live there. Thirdly, in NIS you cannot use mobile phones. You ask, why it is disadvantage? Because, nowadays mobile phone is one of the source of information and sometimes I and another students need it, not just to watch films. Fourthly, when you are starting study in NIS , teachers and parents require the best from you and you try to study well, but it is not so easy, you start having a stress. It is so important to have control over yourself, because some of NIS students had bad illnesses like cancer, etc. To be honest, 1 year ago I had stressful time, because of miscommunication between me and my parents about school, between me and teachers, me and classmates at school. i think, it is huge disadvantage of studying there, because it requires huge effort. In conclusion, I want to say that I hope that my essay was amusing and useful for you. And by my advices you can decide, should you study in NIS or not.

Who says that you can't write a best-selling novel in less than 6 months? Who said that you couldn't be a Award-Winning Actress? Who said that you can't make a million dollars in less than a week? Everyone might tell you that, they all might try to bring you down, but the only person that can truly do that, is yourself. I've learned that throughout my 17 years on Earth. It's hard to think that the only thing standing between me and my plans, is me. I like planning stuff out before it happens, like a vision come to life. I want to be able to show the world my writing and at the same time live through my writing. I figure that if I write enough stories people will realize how important this is to me and they will start supporting me. You don't need supporters to make your dreams come true, all you need is you. Supporters will be a helping-hand, but you don't need them. I only have a few supporters and that's my mom, and couple of friends---no one I go to school with or live around. That's why I am learning that you don't need supporters to make your dreams reality, all you need is hope, confidence, hard work, effort, time, and a place where you can just escape to get your work done. I also learned that you can't just say you are going to do something because saying it won't make it come true neither will believing in it. In order for the believing to work you have to get up off the sofa and do research, make phone calls, send emails. You have to literally get up and do it. When I was younger I thought movie producers will just come knock on your door and ask you if you wanted to me in a movie, But now I know it's a way longer process. You have to get experience, and then after you feel like you have enough( get at least a couple of years. Maybe 8 months-3-8 years) , get an agent, who will then call you in for a interview, and be sure to show that agent that you belong to their company and you deserve to be represented by them. They will be the ones who find you auditions, and keep in mind, you won't fit all. If you get an audition it's only so likely that you will fit that part. As an actor, you will HAVE to take rejection because there will be a lot of it. I don't mean to bust anyone's bubble but you may get rejected 50, 90, 200 times before you land a role, acting is hard and you just have deal with the whole package. It's like a box of crackers you buy from the store, each one you eat could be stale and then finally you bite one that taste fresh. That cracker will be your ROLE your PART. Now, you just have to show and give everything you got. As an Actor you should spend at least an hour learning your lines, because if you are prepared when they call you back---Callback. They will know that you're taking your job seriously, and that will give you a good reputation in Hollywood. It's best to began acting at an early age because the earlier you start the more experience you can gain. When I was younger that was when I was more brave, I loved reading out loud, talking in public, singing, dancing, and everything. That would of been a good age to start off my career. But now that I am older, I am more nervous, and care about my peers opinion. Even though I shouldn't, I do. I am starting to kind of get out of that phase though, everyone at my school basically knows I want to be an actress, and some are like " Yeah Right." While others are like " If you are going to dream you may as well dream big." I really don't understand that either even my " Friends" say that. That just goes to show what kind of people I hangout with. I am ready for this whole " Wannabe" " Going-to-be" thing to be over with, I don't live close enough to any theater, my school doesn't have a drama club so I am stuck waiting to go to college or something. It's at least a year or two away but I have a long way to go in life, I am only 17. I have a lot of confidence in EVERYTHING I do and that's what everyone needs, they need confidence. I want to share my confidence, advice, and tips to everyone on whatever they need them on. No matter if it's singing, dancing, writing, acting, sports. I am here to give you that little bit of confidence that you need. If you need any advice on anything, email me at: eslick.kira@gmail.com or send me a direct message on biopage. ( please when sending me an email, use BIOPAGE ADVICE with what you need advice on, Example: BIOPAGE ADVICE: BASKETBALL') I hope that you all enjoyed this little segment. * PLease comment down below if you think I should make a YouTube Advice Channel.

So here I am, sitting here at 3 AM during exam week, thinking about my life. And it all comes rushing back. Swinging on the monkey bars on hot blistering days alone, to sitting in a corner with my dolls, listening to the most terrifying screaming. Things I have endeavored to ignore and forget because it only brings pain ― an unproductive, useless kind of emotion that I don't believe I need to feel now that it is mostly of the past. But I'll try to remember anyways. Because the insecurity, distrust, and anxiety I now harbour despite having a pretty decent life came from somewhere, and I have a strong suspicion that it isn't solely based on nature (though I admit, there is some family resemblance going on here), but also nurture. My mornings with my parents were quiet at some point in my life, I'm sure. But screaming and shouting had became my alarm clock by the time I was 4 years old. Daily. Loud. And as I grew up, I began to take part in it, for so many reasons that kept on changing as I aged. My mother, goading me to argue on her behalf with my father. My father, telling me how mentally retarded my mother and I are. Me, trying to keep up, favouring one side then favouring the other. Then favouring none. I remember it all becoming too much. When I was 8, I shut myself in my mother's small, dark closet to escape. For one of the first times (and definitely not the last), I wondered why people bothered to live. It's hard for a 8 year old to grasp life and death, so I wouldn't call myself suicidal per se ― more genuine curiosity and slight desperation. Craving for an answer, I asked my parents. Neither answered my question, nor comforted me. My father was outraged. My mother scolded me for even thinking such a thing. Just more incessant, hurtful noise. While watching them, I suddenly realized that I had parents who didn't understand each other, nor did they understand me. Afterwards, I stopped confiding in them. When my younger sister was born, and she joined the familial argument too. At the very least, I can say that she seemed to cope a little better than I did. Whenever it was too much, she'd come to my room, and we'd spend time together ― just the two of us. We'd talk to each other about what we couldn't talk about to our parents. It was healthy. It felt safe. It also felt like the yelling outside of my room would never end, and we accepted that. Looking back, the sound of glass shattering on the cold marble floor was the turning point. Today I'm here. Same, but a little broken inside, just as everyone affected by the toxic relationship is. “You used to smile a lot more, you know?” My mother told me, a few days ago. It wasn't the first time she told me this, and I doubt it will be the last. “You were so happy as a child. You laughed all the time.” I can hear it as clear as day. The silent “What happened?” I find it odd she doesn't know. I could tell her everything I think and feel. But she doesn't deserve it. She tried her best as a parent, and in the end I turned out quite fine. She doesn't need an blame pushed onto her shoulders about a childhood of memories she didn't, and doesn't know how to fix. Nor can she. My father doesn't deserve it either. He has his quirks, sure. But no one can fault him for only wanting the best. And even if I faulted him for expressing his opinions inappropriately, at this point it hardly matters. I've grown up. With his old age, he has gotten softer. There's no point. No point to pointing fingers, or pushing burdens onto others. People don't need to know, because I don't want to change the way they see me. This pain is something I'll carry myself. But this pain didn't have to exist. I'm writing this for my younger sister, who went through most of what I went through as I stood by helplessly. I'm writing this for anyone who's having familial troubles, which includes most of my friends and classmates. I'm writing this for any of you who can't really empathize what I'm talking about. In order for a relationship to work, there has to be communication and tolerance. I wholeheartedly believe this. Don't choose a partner for their looks, their money, or their smarts. Get to know them. Live with them for a while. Meet their family, their friends, discover their interests and preferences. Analyze the things that you two argue or agree about. If you don't see communication and tolerance happening, then I highly suggest you reconsider where your relationship is at before you take the next step ― whether that be marriage, or a child. Because it is a lot easier to start something, than to take it back it afterwards. So there's some food for the thought on who you choose as a partner, and how you might want to parent if the time ever comes.