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My mind is full of thoughts but I can't let it out through the world. I'm trying to scream just to be heard.
Dying Inside To Hold You
Aug 31, 2018 6 years agoIt's already 8 o'clock in the morning. Sun rays passing through the window and letting his face be seen clear for me. I do really love every traces and angle of his face. I won't get sick every time I looked at him. He's like my happy little pill; every sorrow that I could feel would be gone in an instant just by looking at him. Positioning myself for sitting on top him, I immediately kissed his forehead. Hearing the ringing of the alarm it's waking him up. I rolled my eyes on the clock that disturbed my momentous mesmerizing of him. I just let out a sigh before looking to him again. Seeing his smile early in the morning makes my day energized. I jumped out on the bed and stood up properly in the floor letting him rise up from the bed. Fixing his self before getting out from the room. While we're in dining area, I just sit on the chair in the counter eyeing every movement that he makes in the kitchen. After done cooking and placing every plate in the table he sat on the chair and started on eating. I also sat on a chair in front of him and just looked at him eating. I'm already full just by looking at him even though I'm not eating those foods that he prepared. A ring on a phone breaks the silence all over the unit. He immediately stood up and walked through the living area reaching the phone then answered it. “Ah yes, hello.” He answered through the line and then chuckled. What? He “chuckled”? Just who is on the other line? Is it a witch? I could feel my blood runs through my veins through my brain and I just want to explode. “Yes I could come. I'm free as always… yes we could grab a lunch after… okay then see you later bye.” He puts back the phone and gets back to the dining area on where I am. I could on his face that his excited for later. Oh God! The one on that phone is really getting on my nerves! Because of my anger I suddenly tap the table loud making him looked at my direction seriously. “I'm sorry.” I uttered in a thin air and looked down. He didn't say anything and just continued on cleaning the table. I just sit on the sofa eyeing every movement that he makes again. He was about to walk out on the unit shutting the door when he walked towards on me and kissed me gently on my lips. “I love you.” He said in a sincere and full of truth. After he said that he walks out of the unit. “I love you too.” I finally said it when he was already gone. It made my heart melt when he said those three words. I decided to follow him. I'm right outside of the café looking from a distant for him and finally I saw him inside talking to someone whom I couldn't see because she's facing her back to me. I decided walking inside the café. I walk towards to their direction without looking at them and sit just across to them facing my back to their place. “Why couldn't you just do something that really makes you happy?”The woman said. “Mom, I'm already happy.” He answered. I could hear him sipping through his cup of tea. And the woman that he sees for is his mom. I'm sorry for calling you a witch earlier “mom”. “You should look for a new one.” His mom continued to talk. I let out a long sighed. He better be off with someone. “I can't. She might get hurt.” He responded. My mind is out of thoughts to say when he said those sentences. “Why? She's already gone for god's sake! Why are holding onto someone whose dead for almost 5 years?!” His mom exclaimed in anger making me startled on my seat. “Mom you're voice! Lower it down. Don't make me repeat it for myself too. I know she's already dead but I can see her mom! I could see her!” His voice cracked down. “And it makes my mind go crazy because those every day that I see her, I badly want to kiss her, touch her, cuddles with her like before but I can't mom. I can't because she's dead! She's fucking dead.” I could hear him sobbing in every word that would go out in his mouth. I on the other side finally break down too. Tears travelled down to my cheeks, like cars racing who would get first. All those years, he could see me but he manages not to. I'm sorry. I don't know he suffers like this too much. I can't bear it seeing him like this. I could also hear his mother crying in pain. “I'm sorry son. Just let her go already. We'll be here for you. It's not all just her.” His mother said. His mom is right I should just go. I wanted peace also for him. I run out in the café, facing the place again. I could see him that he saw me. I smiled at him sending my smile as for reassurance that he should let me go and I would be fine by that. For the last time I saw him cried so hard not in my arms but in his mother arms. I love you but I should go.