“Here comes the sleepy head.” Some of the students giggled… But, I didn't care. I was used to it for a long time. Well, I was nicknamed “The Sleepy Head” in school since my childhood. That was not a lie since I would always doze off in my classes. Dozing off everywhere was a normal thing in my life. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't stop it. I tried sleeping early, waking up early, having power naps in the daytime, and so many things. But none of them would make any sense. Habitually, I knew I would fall asleep in almost every class except the ones we participated in super actively like doing some papers or group activities. But, it was not something to be happy or enjoy… IT WAS REAL DEPRESSION!!!!!!!!!!! I was very much frustrated in my life because of my condition. Later when I grew up, I searched about it on google and found out that my symptoms exactly matched the disease called “Narcolepsy”. But, a lot of people did not believe that excessive sleeping was a DISEASE!!!!!!!! Most of them told me that I was not attentive in classes or I was staying up too late. BUT, I knew from my experience that no matter how much I slept, it would not make any difference. My life was depressing. Inside, I was all torn up. I cried for hours and hours being unable to cope with it. WHY I WAS THIS UNLUCKY????? FROM ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, 1 IN 2000, WHY WOULD I GET THIS DISEASE?????? I wanted to be normal. I wanted to study till late at night like my friends... I wanted to sleep less during exam days to cover up my syllabus. But, I had to sleep, no matter how much was left to study… Also, mental stress would make my symptoms worse which made me sleepier when an exam was nearer. One day, I decided that I needed to change my life. I needed to rise from the ashes and face all the challenges like a phoenix bird. I found some youtube channels about narcolepsy. There were a lot of stories about people in the world who had the same condition as mine. It gave me a lot of confidence and made me believe that I was not alone. Some of them had worse experiences than mine. So I held up my nerve. I wanted to show them that I was not down. "HATERS" were my best motivation. So, I studied hard. My condition kept bothering me more and more. But, I didn't care. I had only one dream MY LIFETIME DREAM!!!!!!!!!! It was to become a DOCTOR. IT WAS STRONGER THAN NARCOLEPSY. I found various strategies myself to cope with it. Somehow I managed to study well and become a topper in my class. I passed my O/L s and A/L s with flying colours… Then I entered the best medical faculty in the country... There, I got to know more about my disease. Since I was independent, I went to a specialist myself and explained her about my condition. She immediately diagnosed my condition and gave me some medicine… I am still using them and I am happy to say that my condition is getting better now!!!!!!!!!!! Ah, I forgot to say, A few months ago, I graduated from university and got my appointment as a doctor….. CURRENTLY, I AM WORKING HAPPILY IN MY DREAM OCCUPATION…….. :) :) :) THANKS A LOT FOR READING MY STORY

I am the black sheep. I am excluded from family events. Birthdays, weddings, holidays. I am talked poorly about. A teenage mother. College drop out. I am forgotten at birthdays. No card. No text or call. I am unclaimed. Not his daughter. Not her daughter. I am the black sheep. Generally, the black sheep of the family is the weird uncle who was convicted of child molestation. The cousin who is addicted to drugs - the one who never seeks help and disappears. The father who is an alcoholic and takes his anger out on his wife. The mother who cheated on her husband and got pregnant. Not the daughter who grew up, realized her trauma and is freely speaking about it. Not the niece who set a healthy boundary and left when the lines were crossed. Not the sister who moved her sibling in, when they had nowhere else to go. Not the daughter who dropped everything on the dime, to drive 259 miles in an "emergency". Funny how that works, isn't it? You're always the antagonist in the story, while they are the victim. All because you recognized the signs of a narcissist. You realized their patterns of abuse. You were conscious of their motives and their actions. They are always quick to tell others what you did wrong. Yet they can't take responsibility for their own actions. And so, you will forever be the antagonist. The unwanted. The black sheep. I'll be the first of them to admit that I've made mistakes. I'm flawed, just like any other human being to walk the face of this planet. The reason I can admit that is simple. I tried, they didn't. I went to counseling, I did the work, I forgave things I shouldn't have forgiven. Now I'm the black sheep for walking away; for bettering my life. I am the black sheep. For giving my children a better childhood than I ever had. For not allowing negativity into my life. For putting my children first. For setting healthy boundaries and enforcing them. For growing as a person, attending counseling and healing from my trauma. For telling the truth. For speaking out about my childhood. For connecting with others who've experienced similar things. For not forcing my children to be in the lives of people who talk poorly of me around them. The list goes on and on and on. I'm the black sheep for speaking my truth and telling my story. In the beginning I'll admit I was terrified. Then I realized that they are still out there proving my point today. My "mother" still a drug addicted, alcoholic nut case. My "father" still a narcissistic, ego driven asshole. I have nothing to be afraid of. I refuse to let them shame me for healing, telling my truth, and living my best life. Because I am the black sheep... and I'm proud. Sometimes the black sheep, is the only one telling the truth.

Sometimes, in search of peace you have to overcome barriers of destruction. What's that saying? Everything happens for a reason? Well, I say every step has a purpose. 2018 was a clumsy year for me. My steps were not synchronized, my direction was unknown, and destruction came to break me. It came to humiliate me, and it came to defile my spirit and weaken me.\n\n On January 14th, 2018, I met destruction in the flesh. It was handsome. It had sex appeal, a pretty smile, and a way with words. I forced myself to be blind to the tormenting and troubled shadow that followed closely behind as destruction made its way into my home. This was unlike me. Young, thinking this was living life on the edge. However, I didn't realize that same edge was one I'd desire nothing more but to jump over...end it all.\n\n One plan B later and a evening I thought I would easily forget turned into a nightmare. I confided in a mutual associate, wondering if she knew him. Her expressions turned from joyous and excited to disgust when she see's his profile picture. She tells me destruction was not well. \\"Never see him again.\\" She pleaded. My heart pounded against my rib cage and all i could remember from that night was turning the lights on to see the condom he had removed in the bed before he spilled his poison inside of me. I was blocked from social media and destruction disappeared. \\"Maybe he does have something to hide\\". I said to myself.\n\n A window period? It was only a week in and I was already making myself sick. The sleepless nights, weight loss, dehydration, depression, and thoughts of suicide became my reality. I felt alone, and I was too afraid to confide in anyone. At the age of 23 I could possibly walk into a clinic and test positive for HIV. Three months passed...negative. Five months, and then six...still negative. For whatever reason destruction tried to make his way back into my life and the anxiety hit me so hard I started to question if the tests were accurate. I'm scared.\n\n Now, its October 3rd, 2018, nine months since my encounter with destruction and my tests are still negative. I can breathe a little better now. I sit in my living room writing this letter thanking God that for whatever reason if destruction was not well my life was spared. I take a deep breath, and now I am at peace.