Sometimes, in search of peace you have to overcome barriers of destruction. What's that saying? Everything happens for a reason? Well, I say every step has a purpose. 2018 was a clumsy year for me. My steps were not synchronized, my direction was unknown, and destruction came to break me. It came to humiliate me, and it came to defile my spirit and weaken me.\n\n On January 14th, 2018, I met destruction in the flesh. It was handsome. It had sex appeal, a pretty smile, and a way with words. I forced myself to be blind to the tormenting and troubled shadow that followed closely behind as destruction made its way into my home. This was unlike me. Young, thinking this was living life on the edge. However, I didn't realize that same edge was one I'd desire nothing more but to jump over...end it all.\n\n One plan B later and a evening I thought I would easily forget turned into a nightmare. I confided in a mutual associate, wondering if she knew him. Her expressions turned from joyous and excited to disgust when she see's his profile picture. She tells me destruction was not well. \"Never see him again.\" She pleaded. My heart pounded against my rib cage and all i could remember from that night was turning the lights on to see the condom he had removed in the bed before he spilled his poison inside of me. I was blocked from social media and destruction disappeared. \"Maybe he does have something to hide\". I said to myself.\n\n A window period? It was only a week in and I was already making myself sick. The sleepless nights, weight loss, dehydration, depression, and thoughts of suicide became my reality. I felt alone, and I was too afraid to confide in anyone. At the age of 23 I could possibly walk into a clinic and test positive for HIV. Three months passed...negative. Five months, and then six...still negative. For whatever reason destruction tried to make his way back into my life and the anxiety hit me so hard I started to question if the tests were accurate. I'm scared.\n\n Now, its October 3rd, 2018, nine months since my encounter with destruction and my tests are still negative. I can breathe a little better now. I sit in my living room writing this letter thanking God that for whatever reason if destruction was not well my life was spared. I take a deep breath, and now I am at peace.