I adore white marble, Love frescoes and moss on trees, Go wild for avant-garde. Cherish seaside moments, Towers and tombs, Ladybugs. Compact cities, bus rides, Watching people, Red headphones. Filming videos, moon, stars, Waves, mountain wind, Serene tea evenings. Hugging mom, Loving my body, Blinking lashes. Freedom to eat, Grateful for my parents, Happy to write these words. I am 21 years old. My story is both interesting and mundane. It flows calmly, like a peaceful river, morphing and bending under natural circumstances. I divide my life into three parts. Part One: Beginnings The start is quite dramatic and sad, but don't worry; it was quite a while ago. My biological mom died soon after I was born. My dad, already with my 11-year-old sister, couldn't nurture us both. Thankfully, he had two brothers and two sisters. My aunts and uncles took proper care of me. I was always between the village and the city, traveling regularly. But I especially loved the village: the chirping of birds, insects, the variety of animals, rainy days, and small children like me running outside, stargazing, and looking at the clouds without a care in the world. I loved creating DIY things and gifting them to my relatives. I strived to be as creative and fair as possible. If someone got a knitted scarf, another would get something of equal value—a super cute and detailed drawing, a notepad, and a scrunchie. I remember walking around with only one earring for a while, afraid of piercing my ears. Now, I have eight piercings: two on my helix, four on my ears, one septum, and one lip piercing. It's funny how life can turn around. I was exceptional in my village class and agreed with my mom's (aunt's) opinion (my Russian language, literature, and homeroom teacher) about applying to prestigious schools in the city. There was one particular school I dreamed of attending. It required extensive knowledge. After thorough preparation, I finally entered the examination room. But my heart sank after the first math test; I wasn't keeping up and solved only half the problems. Disappointed, I burst into tears when I saw my mom waiting outside. We almost returned to the village without trying the second round, but something told me to try anyway. While studying biology, my mom received a phone call. After the call, she came to me with a happy smile and said, "YOU GOT IN!" I knew what she meant immediately, and a waterfall of kisses followed. She always seems more anxious, happy, or nervous for me than I am myself. That's what it's like when you're a Capricorn and your mom is a Virgo. This is how the first part of my life ended—characterized by peacefulness, total protection, and love, despite some hurdles and struggles. Part Two: Teenage Years The teenage years are my second life stage. Studying from 6 am until 1 am, striving to perfect my grades, participating in olympiads, projects, competitions, and extracurriculars like dance club, volunteering, and Chinese, was an inseparable part of my life. I saw the highest number of clever and intellectual people and wanted to be just like them. This was the hardest and most curious part of my life, where I formed my worldview. I fell in love with a girl for the first time and dated a boy. I was deeply into science. I achieved great victories, won honorable places and mentions, expanded my worldview, and learned to be productive and disciplined. I don't like talking about this part of my life much since it was quite boring, filled with endless studying. Part Three: Introduction to Real-Life The next part of my life began when I moved to Hungary to study Business Management and Administration at Debrecen University. Initially, I imagined participating in tons of extracurriculars, opening my own business, and just chilling. The reality turned out differently. I started tutoring in the first semester, earning my own money without asking my parents for anything. I have already visited 11 countries, although I never prioritized travel before. I went to concerts, volunteered at an Ed Sheeran concert and several festivals, showed Turkey to my mom, found my place in Berlin, and, most importantly, got an opportunity to escape the rat race. I am still learning about new opportunities and seem to understand what I am supposed to do. I am incredibly grateful for the life given to me, and this is far from the last part of my journey!

Sara_a06 - ‘Miss M. I have a question to ask you.' The screen of my smartphone lit up and this pair of exhausted eyes of mine found their way to escape from all the 26 alphabets on the laptop keyboard. I bit my bottom lip, hesitating whether I should take a two-minute break or just call it a day. Goodness, 9 PM! It had been more than ten hours, perhaps the latter decision would be better for my eyes… and health. It was another message on my Instagram, from her. Sarah, one of my pupils who loved asking questions. Most of her questions were about online tasks. However, some questions left me to ponder and reflect about holding responsibilities as a teacher. They left me thinking about life and choices. Although the schools were close due to the movement control order (MCO), her mind kept running freely that it reached the other part of the world. People in GMT+8 were asleep, yet she was exploring unique species in Amazon Rainforest. MissM – ‘Yes, dear. Go on.' My response was read in less than a minute. While Sarah was typing her words, I continued reading my pupils' essays. A few days ago, I assigned them to write their personal experiences of supernatural encounters. Although my initial plan was to provide a platform for my pupils to write their daily activities during this MCO, I received quite a negative feedback on my Instagram poll. They refused to write anything connected to the pandemic as most online tasks they had were about ‘life during the pandemic.' Some of them boldly voiced out by sending messages like: - ‘We don't do anything amusing during this lockdown, Miss. Why are the teachers so obsessed with our life at home?' - ‘Not for English, Miss. Your activities are so far the less cliché ones. Pleasee~' - ‘Miss M, do you mind if I just copy-paste what I did yesterday? It's the same routine. But I will translate them into English.' Reading their responses, they amused me! This was one of the factors why the pupils' voices should be heard. I mean, would they do my online tasks if their enthusiasm were taken away by Mr. Repetition? Repetition is meaningless if we don't acknowledge the use of that repetitive action. Sara_a06 - ‘Do you hate me? Perhaps, not hate. Do you dislike me, teacher?' I was taken aback. My heart began to pound and it blew away all my comfort. I held my phone, thumbs were ready to defend but I wondered, what should I defend? I took in a deep breath and started to type again. MissM – ‘I never hate you, Sarah. I am happy and grateful to have a student like you. You always ask questions. You even shared your short stories with me! I think there is no reason to hate you.' She read it but the conversation was silent. There was no quick ‘typing…' and eager responses from her. It felt as if she was staring at my words, doubting me. MissM – ‘My dear, are you okay?' Silent. I waited for her. From five minutes to five hours. Then, it reached five days. My days were always hectic although I was working from home. However, I noticed that I have lost track of time. The days were accompanied by the moon while the nights were greeted by the sun. Just like how she suddenly replied a week later. Sara_a06 – ‘Miss M. Thank you for telling me that you don't hate me. I have misunderstood you. Sara_a06 – ‘You see. My mom worked very hard and when she reached home, I would bombard her with unsettled questions of my homework. She would smile and try to answer. Sometimes, she just cannot answer but she would try her best to.' My lips curled into a smile. I was ready to shower her with compliments but Sarah had more than just an appreciation for her mother to inform me. Sara_a06 – ‘But today, my mom left us. She left my father and me. She said she was tired to take care of me. She hates me.' At that moment, I could not imagine how the sky of a young girl looked like. The word separation is as haunted as abandonment. MissM – ‘Sarah, I'm sorry to hear that. If there is anything that I could do for you, please tell me.' Sarah began typing and every second I waited for her reply, my heart shattered into pieces. I truly love my pupils and I would like to see them grow, ensuring that their hunger for knowledge was fed adequately. Sara_a06 – ‘You have told me that you don't hate me, teacher. That's enough. You always smile in the class while teaching us. I saw how tired you were after climbing the stairs but when I greeted you, you would still smile. My mom did the same thing. Always smile but she hates me. I wonder if people smile a lot to hide their hatred towards others. That's why I asked you whether if you also hate me.' I have always known that hatred is as strong as love but at that moment, I was not confident about how I should comfort her. Wrong words could burn bridges between people. Therefore, all I could say was… MissM – ‘I love you, Sarah. I can't wait to meet you when school reopens!'

Juuling, has taken over schools and workplaces across the United States. Students and adults have fallen in love with this appealing new addiction. Some argue juuling is not malicious because it is less dangerous than smoking, but after its release in 2015, the Juul has become the most dangerous trend. Restaurants, airports, middle schools: Juul is everywhere because of its sleek design. Juul's resemblance of a flash drive makes it easy to conceal. During class kids pull it out, take a hit, and slip it back into their pocket without a look from the teacher. Juuling has become so popular in schools that kids satirically make fun of their fellow addicts by calling the bathroom a juul room after its newfound purpose. Its cool technological design makes it an item to be seen with. Kids are intrigued by the slim metal object with a blinking light. The more people who try it, the cooler it gets; the cooler it gets, the more people want to try it. Juul's increasing popularity is its strongest asset and our strongest weakness. The popularity forces people try, but addiction keeps them juuling. High schooler Matt Murphy first tried juul at a party and later found himself hopelessly addicted. In college, he found his “vaping was about maintenance, keeping the craving irritability at bay” (Hoffman). It took Matt three years to realize he had an addiction and all the while he was buying hundreds of pods. Juul is making money off of the entrapment of youths, a characteristic of the immoral society that exists in America. The most concerning element of this addiction is the teenager's inability to rationalize their addiction. Most juul dependent teenagers completely deny the possibility of addiction (Stanford Medical Center). Kids try it once and end up like Matt wondering how they have become so dependent on Juul and why they got addicted to something that seemed so harmless. An entire generation of people has been enslaved to a flash drive. Juul, however, is not totally to blame. Today's society conditions teenagers to chase highs and live for the moment. Juul just took advantage of this because it is depicted as a low-risk way of getting a buzz instead of a lifelong contract signed with one puff. Many of the long term effects of juuling are not known but the few that have been found are concerning enough. According to Dr. Rachel Boykan, a professor at Stony Brook University School of Medicine, “Nicotine may disrupt the formation of circuits in the brain that control attention and learning”(Hoffman). My generation has the smallest attention span and highest rates of attention disorders. Add a device specialized in creating nicotine addictions to the mix, and kids will soon be unable to function or complete tasks that take longer than five minutes. This translates to the loss of an entire generation of effective employees and leaders which will have catastrophic effects on the world because juuling is not just a U.S. problem, it's everywhere. This is surprising considering juul was only released in 2015, meaning it spread across the world in less than 4 years. Because the juul is so new, there could be mountains of unknown consequences. Matt starting realizing that he would be short of breath when exercising shortly after starting his addiction.Matt said, “‘We called it ‘Juul lung,'”(Hoffman). Teenagers have started unearthing unknown effects of juuling themselves and there are other unproven concerns about juuls effects on the heart and possibly the arteries too as well (Hoffman). The unknown component of juul makes it appear a lot safer than alternatives and is part of the reason it is so popular. Little do the kids trying it know that it has the potential to become the next cigarette. For all scientists know, juul could even be worse. The false safety given by ignorance is another trademark of today's society unearthed by juul. People would rather be in the dark of the consequences of their actions than accept them. Juuling is the most dangerous trend because users are susceptible to its addiction forming abilities and long term health effects because of its widespread popularity. America today is filled with addictions of every kind because of the mindset of its people. Juul is the perfect product for young Americans because it highlights their mindset of living in the moment and denying future consequences. If juuling continues to gain popularity without repercussions, America as a society will decline as people continue to have shortened attention spans and weaker abilities to learn. Citations Hoffman, Jan. “The Price of Cool: A Teenager, a Juul and Nicotine Addiction.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 16 Nov. 2018, Web. 9 Jan. 2019. staff, Science X. “Juul e-Cigarettes Pose Addiction Risk for Young Users, Study Finds.” Medical Xpress - Medical Research Advances and Health News, Medical Xpress, 19 Oct. 2018, Web. 4 Jan. 2019.

“Shy kids never shine” Naturally, as a 17 year old girl living as Gen Z, this quote struck my eye as I was about to swipe through the never-ending Snapchat stories. I replayed this particular story about five times, just to make sure that I had read it right. There it was, written on the whiteboard at the top in blue marker surrounded by a bubble. My initial reaction was to make a pun, also natural but in a more personal way. Ahaha yeah, shy kids never shine, they shy-ne I snickered in my head, too embarrassing to say out loud. An hour later though, it floated right back into my head, because of a stupid comment by a stupid teacher. I'm aware of how much I sound like a 21st century teenage cliche, and that's okay. Once you learn how to accept yourself, it's much easier to go through life without having to meet people's expectations. Before the quote really hit me, I had gone to the careers office in my school, as my friend had requested my presence while she went to pick up a form from the careers teacher. As I stood idly, waiting for the teacher to fish out the paper from one of the desk drawers, she turned to me and said “Have I seen you before?” Hmm. I had a feeling where this was going, but I replied nonetheless. “Not personally. I mean, I've come to this office a few times when my friends had career committee meetings, but not like, personally to get advice from you.” A pause. “I have never seen you. Or is it because you're wearing your hair open today?” I shook my head no. “And the fact that you're a prefect too? That's sad.” She scrutinized my red tie and the badge that read “prefect” in bold, gold letters that the school insist all of us authoritative figures wear. I felt myself get defensive immediately, intimidated by her tone and the words that accompanied it. “Um, I mean you have seen me though, I've gone up in assembly for being a prefect and my clubs and…” She cut me off and said “Yeah but that was in a group. You've never been up to speak individually have you? Mmm. So you kind of just…fade into the background. No one ever remembers the shy students.” And just like that, my good mood had turned sour, and it was as if someone had poked a hole in my body as it slowly deflated. What irked me the most was the fact that I had been doing so much in the past year as it was my last year before university, and that was clear as I indulged in activities such as community service and made a name for myself such as holding a prefect position. And not even because I needed them to look good on my c.v, but because I had finally started to come out of my shell and genuinely enjoyed them. So why did I care so much that this teacher, who wasn't even involved in other aspects of the school apart from careers, didn't recognize me, and so essentially, recognize me as a student of this school? It was because I knew the type of person that I used to be, and how far I'd come, and her blunt words bought me right back to the past. Introvert. Shy. Awkward. Behind the scenes. Under the radar. Closed-off. Quiet. Mostly synonyms of each other, and none of them new to me. In my previous school, I had been the dictionary version of a wallflower, never really participating in any events, though I knew it would benefit me later on. Always sticking in my comfort zone, with the same group of equally as shy friends. Always cowering away from the limelight. Neutral. Unknown. Faded. Even though I knew that I had become a completely different person in a good way, improving myself and getting to this point where I participated in a bunch of clubs and socializing with people, it made me angry that a teacher could be so blunt and crush someone so easily. Even if I was still that shy girl that I used to be, it didn't make me any less worthy than people who had the confidence to speak in assembly all the time and make themselves known. Some of the most famous people were the most shy kids, and most of the processes that work today are due to people behind the scenes, sometimes never getting credit for the effort they put in. The world isn't fair like that, but for a teacher to put someone down without even knowing them, it's a different story. I know I'm just 17, but I truly have made so many experiences in the last two years of my A levels that have provoked me to reflect on myself everyday, and want to share them with people who can relate. Like I said in the beginning, it may be cliche, and sometimes I may act like it too, but as long as you know your abilities, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you. For any teachers, or even parents out there; please encourage your kids in the right way. Let them know that they're never too quiet or too loud, and that they can achieve regardless. For those of you who're still trying to figure this whole life thing out like me; you'll never be too shy to shine, and a quote I used to relate with that still makes me smile, “never let them dull your sparkle.”

Independence—everybody wants it. When the British taxed the colonists, they got upset and decided to declare their independence. When a teenager FINALLY makes it to their 18th birthday, they celebrate their newly-found freedom from their parents. I don't know too many people who would eagerly serve another man as a slave. All of these things are so because everyone wants to be independent; everyone wants to do what they want when they want; no one wants to be held back by anything. People want to be free. But what if I told you that there is more freedom found in dependency than in independency? It appears to be a contradictory statement, so let me explain. It was a warm August day, and I stood on the grass watching two girls walk out into the lake. They were being baptized that day, and my family had come to the picnic to celebrate. I wanted to be happy for them--I really did--but my stomach was twisted in too many knots to offer anything more than a half-hearted smile. If I had been brave, there would have been three girls in the water that day. Unfortunately for me, I was too scared to be baptized because I hated crowds, attention, and giving testimonial speeches. I just could not bring myself to do it. August soon came to a close and my disobedience was pushed to the furthest possible corner of my mind where I hoped it would be forgotten. September and October passed with only a few reminders of my shortcoming, and the holiday season came and went in a blur of turkey, wrapping paper, and a giant falling ball. By January, I was ready to forget about it for good and start over. But despite my best efforts, God wasn't ready to let it go just yet, and I found myself drowning—not in the lake, but in conviction. The God of the universe asked me to do something so simple, yet I couldn't do it. I wanted to follow Him, I wanted to depend on Him for strength, but I didn't know how; instead, I found myself at rock bottom crying in despair. I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't good enough, I'd never be free from the shame that shackled me each and every day, I told myself. But I had one last resort, and that was prayer. So I sat at my desk and looked out the window, silently asking God for a second chance and the strength to follow through. I let go of my problem and gave it to God. It didn't seem to do much, but behind the scenes, those few words that didn't even come out of my mouth audibly were going to change the course of my life. I walked into church three days later--January 6th--with that prayer being the last thing on my mind as the pastor started the service. He went over an announcement, then another one, and another. But the last one caught my attention more than the rest. I sat up in my seat. Did he really just say 'baptism service'? I asked myself. It couldn't be true, could it? As he talked on about the details, I realized that his words were more than just my imagination—they were really real. My fear melted that instant. I was astonished; I was thankful; I was amazed. I was baptized on February 10, 2019. If I had continued to depend on myself—my own strength—I would never have gotten anywhere. I would still be frozen to the grass by the lake, staring at the water wishing I had the faith to step forward. But I am free from my shackles of fear and it's all because I decided that independency wasn't the answer. Self-reliance doesn't always get you anywhere but surrender and dependency on God will always get you exactly where you need to be. If I've learned one thing these past few months, it's that surrender to God results in freedom. I've never been closer to God--never been happier--never been so hopeful and trusting that He is faithful. I recently found an out-of-state college that is offering a writing workshop camp, and as an aspiring author I desperately want to go. Unfortunately, with all of the expenses necessary to make that trip happen, it would take a miracle to get me there. Fortunately, however, I serve a God who knows no bounds. I immediately got online and started searching for contests, and it just so happened that I stumbled upon Biopage. Maybe I'm meant to go to writing camp, maybe I'm not. But I have written this essay in an attempt to win, and now I prayerfully give it to God because I can't rely on my own self. Dependence on Him is always the answer, because dependence means freedom.