Episode 4: I'm Not High Open on Gina being picked up from her Gastroscopy by Claudio in her car. Gina: (as she enters car) Hi Babe! Claudio: Hi Love, how did you make out? G: Good, I was a bit drowsy when the procedure was over but I'm good now. I'm sure I could probably drive if I was allowed. C: Oh yeah? (laughs almost to himself) Well what did they say? They find anything? G: Yup, esophagitis from acid reflux - shocker. She did a biopsy as well. So I gotta stay on the acid pill and some other one I was on before. Follow-up appointment in June. C: Ok, well that's good. At least now you know why you were having such problems. G: Yeah, whatever…so tired of this nonsense. Anyway, I'm starving, I haven't eaten yet today. C: Where would you like to go? G: Ummm I dunno, maybe that diner we went to before? C: Yeah that's cool, let's go there. G: I'm telling you, the drugs they gave me have no effect on me, it's so weird I feel completely fine. They don't even phase me. It's like sometimes when I smoke weed, it lasts for like 5 minutes and then I'm ready for more. Whatever they gave me made me mildly drowsy when the procedure was finished but I'm totally good now. They continue driving, radio on in the background and a few minutes of silence between the two of them until Gina spies something in the console underneath the radio… G: (accusatory) What's this?? Where did you get that?? (Gina picks up the wine opener she sees in the console) You STOLE THIS from me! Then one quick beat…as she realizes where she is… G: Oh wait, this is my car. Claudio and Gina both break out in laughter G: Mother fucker, it's the drugs they gave me!!! Okay, maybe I AM high.

Episode 3: Did You Just Mmm My Boyfriend? Easter Sunday 2016, Claudio and Gina have been dating for 3 months now and are getting very serious. Gina decides it's time for the family to meet him. Open on Gina driving Claudio and herself over to Gary and Irene's after she gets off her dinner shift at the restaurant. Everyone has already ate but they are going over for a plate and dessert. Gina: (In the drivers seat talking very fast): I think I'm nervous. Claudio: I think you are right (He chuckles) What are you most worried about? G: I don't know, everything! My brothers! my sisters! The fact that you are the first guy I've brought home in years. Everything!!! C: You think your brothers are gonna give me a hard time? G: Yes they are going to give you a hard time, especially Gary. They think I'm a train wreck. Never mind those two, Krista and Irene are gonna be all over you! C: (Laughing): Oh come on, really??? You think they are gonna hit on me? G: Uh Claudio, have you looked in the mirror lately??? C: (Obliviously) Come on G (laughs), they are married. Don't be silly. Plus they are your sisters. G: I'm telling you Claudio, good looking men like you don't come along everyday. And i'm not just saying that because you are my boyfriend. You are a very sexy man. My sisters are gonna love you! And by love you I mean be ALL OVER YOU. C: Oh my God, okay well whatever. I'm sure it will be fine you are just nervous and maybe a little paranoid because you smoked. They both laugh at that comment but Gina still shoots him a knowing look before they get out of the car. They have arrived. They walk in and Irene and Krista & Jo are immediately over at the door greeting us. Derek and Gary and Claude are seated at the table. The girls are all hugs and kisses giddy with excitement. We enter the dining room and the boys are doing their best Godfather impersonations, Brando, De Niro, Pacino and any other ripoff mobster movie you can think of that depicts Italians in that typical mobster way. We eat dinner and dessert and get acquainted. The usual how did you meet, what do you do for living, married/divorced questions. Eventually the girls get up to clean-up dishes and go about putting food away in containers etc. Claudio gets up at the same time to go use the washroom. Kitchen. Irene at sink washing dishes. Gina and Krista hovering over the remaining ham roast that is in the pan and picking a few pieces out. Gina moves over to help Irene and begins drying the dishes.Irene goes to get another drying cloth in the hallway. Krista still at the stove but now turned towards the opposite direction. Claudio comes into the kitchen and says: Claudio: Can I help you ladies with anything? (He continues to walk across the kitchen back now facing Krista) Krista (Without skipping a beat): MMM!!! Gina: (Spinning around) Did you just MMMMM my boyfriend??!!??? Krista: (With a look of OMG that was my inner voice talking, oh no I've been caught!!! and mumbling through her mouth stuffed with a piece of ham) No, No ,No I was (still mumbling) uh, I was, it was …um it was THE HAM!!! I meant the ham!!! Gina: No you MMM'd my boyfriend!!! Claudio!!! Did you hear that??? Claudio: Yup! Claudio: (To Krista as she is slowly melting in embarrassment wrapping herself around the corner of the wall with her fingers in her mouth) It's okay Krista. (He goes and tries to comfort her out of her embarrassment). Irene enters back into the kitchen all in time with this (eyes Krista and Claudio but not sure what to make of what is happening and then…) Irene (Without skipping a beat) Come on Claudio I wanna show you the basement. Gina: (Shocked and dismayed) You too Irene??? What is going on here??!!! Claudio can't stop laughing and leaves Krista to pick up her pieces. Irene grabs him by the hand and leads him down the stairs. Gina follows. Gina: What is going on here? First Krista now you Irene? (Claudio continues to just laugh). Gina leaves them and goes back upstairs. Gina (slightly dismayed and to herself) I knew it!

Episode 2: Working Out Gina wakes up the next day slouched over in the arm chair she fell asleep in after late night binging on Anthony Bourdain's show and Doritos. Groggy and her stomach feeling like a pound of lead is sitting in it she eyes the EMPTY Doritos bag stuck between her thigh and the side of the chair. Nothing but a few small crumbs left. Well actually crumbs everywhere and even has a Dorito stuck to her forehead. Gina: Awww crap, Yup I did it. Zero self control. This is all Claudio's fault. She gets up to clean up the mess she's made (fingers still orange from the chips) and knows what the start of this day brings…dieting and working off that huge bag of Doritos she's killed the night before. But first…a nap. We next see Gina waking up in bed crusty knowing what lies ahead. She gets up washes her face and makes her way out to the kitchen and makes a smoothie and a coffee. Gina: Ok today is a new day. See it's already a good day, I've go my smoothie and next, working out. Cut to Gina changing into her workout clothes, cursing this next task too. Gina: Gah, I hate working out. This is bull shit. Fuck you 45. There was a time when I could eat anything I wanted. My mind says 29 but my body is screaming 45 grrrrr. Fucking 45. She goes to the living room to begin her workout but decides to check Facebook quickly before she gets down to fat burning. Opens up her computer and clicks on Facebook. After a few scans of the newsfeed she starts watching some clips people have posted about cute toddlers reenacting scenes from Frozen. Gina: Awww that's so sweet. And smart. These little cuties are savants. How many times have they watched this movie? And how old are they? They can't be more than 2. That's crazy! And some parent is gonna make shit loads of money off these kids cause they posted it on youtube and now it's gone viral. Jesus is everyone making money from youtube??? Whoaaaahhhh it's been viewed 40 million times? How the fuck? That's crazy! Shared 700K?? I gotta get in on this shit. My life is funny right?? I mean who does the things I do? I need my own show. Im 45, these little twerps are not even 2…I gotta get in on this and fast. Annnnnd I gotta get off of Facebook and go workout. Fuck you 45. Cut to Gina setting up her workout on her ancient tv/dvd combo. Cut to shot of Shawn T's Hip Hop Abs. Gina: Ok, here we go. I'll show you 45. 45 THIS!!(and she goes about working out).

Episode #1: Chips Gina comes home from a serving shift at the restaurant. It was a shitty shift. All she wants is a puff on a joint and a vodka soda. as she goes to grab her stash, she finds another stash…Claudio has hidden Doritos in the club soda box. Gina: Damn you Claudio! You know I'm trying to not eat anything “bad”. She walks away from the box and continues about making her drink. She sits down finally and too exhausted to roll a joint she sparks up a roach she has kept nearby. Gina: (as she inhales and exhales) Ahhhhh that's what I'm talking about. As she lets the whiz khalifa do it's thing she decides to watch an episode of Anthony Bourdain's “Parts Unknown”. Not a good choice…of course it's showing all these delicious looking foods. Gina: Damn you Anthony Bourdain! Now I'm hungry… She remembers the Doritos Claudio has hidden. Gina: I will NOT open those chips. I have discipline. I can do this. She takes a sip of her drink and few more drags off the roach. Her mind drifts back to those Doritos. (close up on the bag in the soda box) Gina: No you can't. It will be disastrous. It's not even a small bag, it's the family size Don't do it. You will hate yourself in the morning. Drink your vodka soda..it's healthier and way less calories. She takes a big sip of her drink, turns her attention back to Bourdain's show…within seconds she's again thinking about those Doritos. Her conscious is yelling at her, “Don't do it…” Suddenly she leaps up from her seat and bolts for the Doritos like it's the last thing she will ever eat. She grabs the Doritos and rips it open…pauses and says out loud… Gina: I'll just have 5 chips. That's all. That's not that bad right? She takes 5 chips out and goes back to where she is sitting. But the lure of the Doritos is too much. She kills those delicious morsels in seconds. Again her inner self is saying NOOOOO Don't do it!!!. It's too late, she's opened pandora's box. She gets up and grabs the bag and brings it back to where she is sitting. These Doritos don't stand a chance. She's going in deep and fast. Pretty soon her fingers are coated in that oh so addictive powdered “nacho cheese” and she licks them with sheer bliss. Gina: Ahhhh so bad but ohhhhh soooooooo good. (Beat). Damn it, now I'm gonna have to workout twice as hard tomorrow. Fuck! I hate working out more than I hate dieting. This is all Claudio's fault. Grrrrr, if he wasn't so sweet I'd kill him.