Dear you, you know yourself. There is something I have been holding in for a few years now & I think it's time I let it out. You destroyed me, you destroyed the person I was & the person I would become. You broke down my walls & invaded my life so quietly that I couldn't fight back, you killed me over & over again & when I thought you were finished you come back. I remember the first time you came around as if it were yesterday. You pushed me down, unable to stand & hold my head up. You took away my childhood, you took away my teenage years. I think it's time I name you, CANCER. You stole my world, you took my little brother & now you're back for my niece. I remember back then how I prayed & cried for the tables to turn. I begged you to let him be but YOU DIDN'T LISTEN but to hell with you if you think you're having anyone else in my family. I'm not going to ask you to take me this time, I'm past that point. Now I want to kill you. I want to cut you out & burn you. My life is already limited so I won't beg you & I know that even if I ask you'll only do what you want not caring how it affects others. I wish I could kick you, I wish I could murder you actually but I know that can't happen because you're sort of invincible but I know something that you are probably realizing now. My niece has a strong mother & she won't let you have her. So go jump in front of a truck. This family will not let you have her. I may not be as strong as I want to be & me venting out to you, something that isn't even, worthy of a body, doesn't change anything. The tears may form in my eyes & as much as I try to stop them from falling they still stream down but that won't change my decision, you can't have her but you can give him back. I think I need to regain my composure then again why should I have any towards you, destroyer of my world? My hatred for you runs deeper than the time I have on earth. You just never seem to be satisfied, you just take then leave, not caring about the pain you cause. I wish you were tangible enough for me to punch you, then again I don't like fights but for you, I'd make an exception. I'd break my promise to the brother you took from me just for you. I promised him I'd never get into a fight because he hated fights & until this day I've kept that promise but oh for you, I think he would make an exception. I want you dead just as you've done to him but I hope you never rise again. Over the years I've imagined all the things I would say to you if I ever got the chance but right now I'm lost for words because that all-knowing, numbing feeling that I've gotten used to is taking me over again. I wish you could feel it, but then again maybe you were the creator of it. I wonder if you came for me how I'd feel. I guess I would cry & ask why but at the end of the day at least I'd get a glimpse of my brother right? But just know I'm not ready to go yet. I've seemed to have gotten soft on you, probably because my emotions ditched me at the moment, I would leave this & come back but I don't want to deal with you after this. I'll find some way to take you down, in my mind I've done it a thousand times & if that's the only way I can, then I'll do it a thousand & one more until you're truly gone. Do you know how long I've been blaming myself for not being able to protect him, not being able to cure him of you? 11 long years & to this day it still feels like it all started yesterday. But as I cross this shaky, old bridge, I look forward, down, back & up because they belong to me. Up because it reminds me of where he is; down because I keep falling; forward because someday I might reach somewhere & back because it holds my memories, my pain, my lessons & my hope. It all belongs to me & you can't have it because this is the end & if I have to come back to you again I will but it won't be pretty, I'll be emotionless by then. I love her as well & that's why you can't have her because on this swaying bridge that you can't walk on you'll always be at the end.