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I write my thoughts
I am tired all the time
the end
Dear Self
Jan 10, 2023 1 year agoDear self, I am proud of you for getting up each morning knowing that you will be in the same cycle again. I am proud of you for putting back that smile on your lips even if you badly needed to cry. I am so proud of you for holding back those tears even if you are crashing from the inside. I am so proud of you for taking care of everyone even if you are on the verge of giving up. I am so proud of you for fighting those battles, even if you are deeply wounded. But I am so sorry for putting you in so much pain, for putting you out in that battlefield with worn out armor, for still fighting even if you are heavily wounded, for winning everyone's battles even if you are loosing your own. I am so sorry for pushing you to the limits, for all the stressful days, for all the tensions, the sadness, the mental torture. I am so sorry. Please, come back, can you please surrender the fight? please know that you have done more than enough, please get out of that field and let us start healing again? Is it possible that you'll put your self first this time? Is it possible for you to take a look at the mirror again? Self, please come back
Such a tourist spot
Jan 09, 2023 1 year agoAnd now I understand, I am just a distraction, I am just some place that you like to travel to but you don't have any plans of staying. I am just someone who gives you comfort and once you feel good, you will go back to where you used to be. It is so funny to think that I am still here waiting for you to come back even if I know that at the end of the day you'll choose to leave. It is so funny that even if you fell in love first, I am the one who fell harder, then you left. It so funny that you have moved on and here I am, still trying. I just don't understand why people comes in, will tell you you are great, will let you feel the best, but will suddenly leave you hanging and shattered in pieces. Unfair, unacceptable -- I hate it, but I can't hate you.
Dear Stranger
Jan 09, 2023 1 year agoIve been spending so much time thinking about you, while I shouldn't be. My heart still longs for you, it still does. This never ending confusion that I am feeling every time I think about you. I know I should stop, I know everything was just a terrible mistake, you telling me everything was real even if it is not. My bad for believing you so much, for opening up my life to you, for allowing you to touch my soul, I should have known better. You are just the same as these people who have come to deceive me and leave me lying on the floor hurting so bad, you are just like them, comforting me with these words and ended up leaving a deep wound that I do not even know how to cure. You are just like them, telling me that you are a safe space but little did I know you are a death trap. I do not even know how to forgive you, you are just out there living your own life, living as it should. You should be accountable, you should feel miserable for the pain you've caused me. You should also think too much about all of this. But, the hell, I am such a good person, I still love your shits and imperfections and I pity myself about it. I will never say that I regret you or wished that I never met you. Because honestly, once upon a time you were exactly what I needed and wanted and even though it did not turn out out exactly what I expected to, you not loving me the way I wanted you to, you still made me the happiest. And I will never ever regret that. But please help me forget you, kill me to the core so I will no longer long for you. Take my heart with you, please never return it back to me. Please, help me unlove you.
