I hope we can all agree that crushes are the definition of emotional roller coaster. Maybe you agree with me that you want your crush to change for you and you fantasize about you and them. You fantasize what "it" could be- but "it's" not. I met a boy in school (he'll be A) who changed my perspective of things. Not going to lie- he was a good guy. He was so handsome, so smart, funny, and above all, my imaginary soulmate. When I first met him, I never thought I would have such a huge crush on him. I didn't know that he was going to play such a massive role in my future and the way I thought of things. I didn't know that I might fall for him, and that he would be the wrong guy... But now I do. It all started when he asked me for a chance at a relationship. I remember vividly all the emotions I felt, ranging from happy to bewildered. On top of that, it was midnight, and I wasn't myself. I was too crazy. So me, being the intelligent but dumb girl I am, said maybe. I said maybe because (of my smart side) I knew he was a player. However, I always contradicted myself every time I brought this fact up to myself. Not necessarily, I would think. He had a girlfriend for a long time, I would think. That was my dumb side. And that's exactly why I said maybe; I didn't really know what would happen if I said yes or no. I can't describe in words how much regret I felt afterwards for not saying yes. He was the first real crush I had! He literally asked me for a chance! How could I! But I did. And now, all I feel is pride and a little more intelligence. After that day, we talked on and off. We talked some days, at school or online; other days we didn't speak a word to each other. By the time winter break came around, I was basically over him. He was dating someone- a "hoe", to say the least- and I didn't care the least bit. They broke up after two weeks. A couple months passed. And then, I met a guy who was so nice, so caring, but so not for me at all. I met him at a party I went to (he'll be C). A day or two after, I decided to talk to him, because what's the harm? He was so nice. He knew exactly how to make a girl's day. But he didn't go to my school, and he was severely depressed. I didn't know how to help him. I even think I could've made it worse because, well... It led to the point where he was constantly talking to me. He wouldn't leave me alone because he barely had any friends at his school and I was his "light" everyday. He admitted he had very deep feelings for me one day and asked me out. I didn't feel the same way, and I absolutely had no idea how to turn him down without hurting him. At the same time he asked me, I was talking to A. No one else was awake, and I really needed help in rejecting C without stabbing him with the invisible knife. I was so hopeless. So I asked A to help. I explained the entire situation to him, from top to bottom. He asked me for my number, and at first, I was confused. But then, he called me. We talked until my dad came in my room and told me to sleep. A and I made up a solution that I would tell C that someone was planning to ask me out the next day, and I was going to say yes. A was the one who proposed an idea similar to it, and I was the one who made it cleaner. I feel like it got awkward at that moment, but I don't remember. I think we both just fell silent on the phone for a few seconds. I could hear his sniffs loud and clear. I successfully rejected C. That was the beginning of me and A's close friendship. Many, many things happened after this point of time. I could go on forever and ever about the strong bond but complicated feelings we had, but I'm just going to state the main point of all that. He was a player. I think I had some influence on him, but I'm not sure. He wasn't as much of a player when we were close, but he became a big one (and did other things on top of that) after our friendship shut down. My feelings for him constantly got in the way of everything I did and every word I spoke to my friends, because I would talk about him so much. The entire time, I knew he wasn't worth it. He didn't deserve the tears I shed for him or the happiness I felt only with him. Or at least, that's what everyone says. But me? I learned. I know now what the whole experience of a real crush feels like. No matter how complicated the whole thing was, I would never take it back. No matter how much "hoe-ing around" he did, I wouldn't change the way I felt about him. Above all, I would never take back our friendship or the things he taught me. Yes, he was a player. Heck yeah, it took me a lot of time to get over him. But to anyone who might be going through the same thing or dealing with a player- you will learn. I promise. But don't ever think that you will change him/her. You will only change yourself in the end. This may be a bad or good change, but it is a change for you and not him/her.