In the silence, i kneel down and pray i cry i listen to the voice which i can't hear in the noise something uncomfortable in my heart roars i don't know where to go my heart is beating so fast my blood flows in a rush something that is unexpectable will happen my feeling told me so should i scream? should i run away? i am scared my body is shaking my knee loses its power will i fall down? then i hear a voice that calms my heart that comforts my soul that gives me power to stand that will always accompany me all things could happen in the silence

Yesterday I decided to bake so many bread as our meal for whole day. Baking is not an easy things to do, because once you miss something, you can´t do anything to fix it or redo the process. During I made the dough, suddenly some insights came to my mind. Of course I had to decide how may table spoons of salt, sugar, how many cups of flour, should I put so that I could make a good and tasty bread. My decision actually was depended on my taste, but I realize it´s me the one who had to make a decision. I have failed so many times in making bread, sometimes the dough was not raise so well, sometimes it tasted plain, the other time my bread was burnt because I made a mistake in setting the heat of my oven, sometimes my bread was as hard as stone, so we couldn´t even barely chew it. Sometimes i chose not to follow the recipe and created something new, but not all of the time I succeed, but i learnt from my failure. All of my mistakes made me learn something important, so I know better now how to make a good n tasty bread. In our life, we have to make a decision every day. It starts as we open our eyes, we should decide whether we want to stay in bed or wake up. Then we have to choose our breakfast, our clothes to wear, and so on. It will be over till we close our eyes again. We face so many choices everyday to choose. Some people are afraid to make a decision, especially for the biggest, influencing, important decision in their life, because they are afraid to make a mistake, or they are afraid of the consequences of their decision. A bad result from our decision is just like a punishment that should be avoid in our life. It´s a natural instinct actually to avoid something harmful or dangerous that may happen in our life. Of course we can avoid to make some important decisions, but unluckily, we can´t avoid it all the time. Some condition may force us to decide. We can´t run away every time we have to decide something. Sometime we have to deal with failure and it´s okay. For me personally, my failure is the greatest teacher in my life. I will learn to be more cautious in choosing something and also deciding. The most important lesson that i get is I learn to think before I decide, I learn to know my capability to deal with the consequences. So, i believe that making mistake is not the end of our life. What the best things of making mistake or having failure in our life is we can learn something important from it. I believe we learn more from something bad because it makes us alert of our mistakes. Our experience will warn us about our mistake and we will try to avoid making the same mistake because we don´t want to experience the same negative consequences of our decision later. Mistakes also teach us how to be wiser if we learn from it and if we choose to be wiser. This learning process will always happen in our life, either we learn something from good things or bad things. We can choose a good choice and make a good decision because we already learn how to choose wisely. From a mistake, we can learn more also about our selves, especially our weaknesses and how to overcome it. Now the problem is, how to know which one is a good choice and which one is not, so that we are able to make a good decision. If we are dealing with a bad choice and a good one, it´s surely easy to make a decision, we all will choose a good one. But what if we are dealing with all of good choices or all of it, it´s a bad one? If I may suggest, before making a decision or choosing, explore all of the possible consequences that we may deal with, then know our selves, I mean our capability of dealing with those consequences, then choose a choice that we are ready or we feel that we can bare with the consequences. The most important is choose something that makes us grow, that develop ourselves to be a better person and don´t choose or decide something when we are angry or not in a good state of mind because we won´t aware what the consequences will be. How do we also know if we already makes a good decision. A good decision won´t always brings happiness or success, but it will bring peace, it will develop ourselves to be a better person, or it will bring goodness for other people. What we need to be able to decide something is a clear mind and also courage, so that we are conscious of our decision and we won´t blame others for the result.

I believe every journey has its destination, including our life's journey. We seek something to achieve as our life´s goal i call it as our life´s destination. Some of us will see popularity, wealth, and power, as a destination, meanwhile some others are trying to reach happiness, family, or even passion as the end line of their journey. Our destination could be something that makes us feel safe, satisfied, and just like finding a home to stay. There are nothing wrong or right in setting the destination of our journey, but there will be a right or wrong way to reach it. As times goes by, when we realize what important in our journey is, it could affect our destination too so that we will change our destination from one point to somewhere else. I would like to share a bit of my journey to reach my life's destination. I always think about how I can help others. That was a reason behind why i took Psychology as my major in university. I reached my destination as a Psycholog, but things didn't run as my will. Actually it was so hard to work as a young clinical Psycholog without any relations and also experiences in my country. Some conditions also changed, i had to move to another country with new language that i haven't known before and with a totally different culture too. I really don't have any talents in language, but i keep trying to learn it. Unfortunately and honestly, because of other barriers also, i lost my passion to have a carrier as a Psycholog, i feel like i am facing a high wall that blocked my way and i don't have any energy more to climb or even to destroy it. After a while, it makes me think a lot what i want to do and where i should go. Then i realize now what i really want to do in my life. I change my destination. I love writing since I was teenager and it makes me feel alive and excited everyday. I thought before writing was just a hobby for me. I love to think what kind of writing that could inspire people.. So I set my final destination as a writer from now on. Every destination has its own distance. For some people, perhaps their destinations are only few steps from them, but for some people, included me, our destinations are like a million miles away, so it might need years to reach it and it might also seem impossible, but i believe nothing is impossible if we want to try. What we need to do is just taking a single step day by day. There will be no journey started without any single step. Just like building a house, it starts by putting brick by brick on the ground. It may take months or even years to finish it, but if we keep walking, we will reach our destination. We might lose our hope or even spirit to reach it because of the distance seems so unreachable. I remember something that makes me stronger and encourage me. Have you ever heard a story about "Footprints in the Sand"? It tells about two people walking on a beach, one was the writer and the other was God. At the first time, the writer saw two pairs of footprints in the sand, the writer´s footprints and God´s. But then, after a while, especially, the most hopeless moment in the writer´s life, she saw only a set of footprints. Then the writer asked to God, why was there only be a set of footprints in the most troublesome and saddest moments in the writer´s life, as if God left the writer walk alone while, but God already promised to walk with the writer when the writer decided to follow Him. Then God answered that it was because He carried her during that hard moment. This story reminds me that I am not alone in reaching my destination. There will be hard times, but I will keep remembering that I never walk alone. It´s not only God who always carries me, but also some people who support me, they are my family. The other important things that i learnt from the story is they keep moving forward, no matter how hard the moments were. I believe that there will be those moments in our life, that we we lose our hope in reaching our destination. It´s okay to take a rest for a while, collect our energy by trying to find something interesting in our journey and remembering the feeling when we decided to start our first step and also the feeling that we will feel when we reach our destination. It´s also important to find a travel companion who will always support and encourage us. After that, we should keep moving forward. At the end, I believe that my journey is quite far, but I will keep moving forward. That´s why I keep writing, even though none reads it. I believe that one day people will see it and those people will lead me to reach my destination. I know that there is a possibility also about failing to reach it, but what important is I do my best to reach it so I will never regret the result. I will leave my footprints everywhere as a sign of my journey so that people will notice my journey and my effort to reach it.