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I haven’t figured out what I want to be
Which makes sense because
I was born at midnight,
An uncertain baby from the start...
They left all that they knew-
came to see the mountains,
the ones that no one else knew about,
the ones no one knows they’ve come to-
to have something like me.
They still hope I’m not like the rest-
the rest they left behind in their old country-
and so do I.
I’ve learned to suppress that part of me,
the one my parents say
darkens any hint of sunlight,
making sure it never comes alive.
If it is to ever come alive,
it will damn as it goes.
As a baby, I’d lie still and quiet,
and I wonder how now
I’m an obnoxious drum kit
that belongs to a mindless teenager:
so many incessant things to say...
I’ve cried at the sound of my own beating heart,
I’ve walked along the edges
of the pools of tears I’ve created,
I’ve worn a fake smile on my face
for the longest time…
So I continue to walk along the edges,
listening to music as I go.
I’ve grown with the sound of music.
As a child, I’d waste my minutes
soaking in the voices and the instruments,
that lent their pain and passion to my ears…
And perhaps I will want to lend my own pain and passion
to others who are willing to listen,
and to others who need to hear
that my words know what they feel.
Or perhaps I will be content remaining a shadow a person,
only cherished by those who I am closest to-
but I haven’t figured out what I am to become.
Perennial Souls
Jul 07, 2018 6 years agoClosing my eyes I can immediately picture your face, as if your amazing features have been tattooed onto the insides of my eyelids. It brings a smile to my face, seeing that birthmark in the center of your forehead, the way the corners of your lips have a small smile pronounced in them. I smile at the way I can immediately place every freckle on your cheeks from memory. I smile as I think of the way your laugh sounds like a stone skipping across a pond after being thrown from gentle caring hands. I smile at how when we hug or kiss our bodies interlock as if they were blocks never meant to be unbound. I smile at the way you have become everything to me. You are my world, and I can never bear to let you go. I'll give anything to continue this love we have harvested from a simple seed planted in the ground long ago by the universe. The seed that demanded you and me to be its caretakers; the seed that decided we were to be soulmates. It is true that in the dead of night when I am lost, I can find you in the persistent stars that somehow shine so bright for me. It is true that in the petrichor I can find you on the individual teardrops that reside on the lush grass. It is true that when there is nothing to be made from the disasters I have created, the thought of us and everything we could be buoys me to reality. I cry sometimes, because I know that although you are my soulmate, perhaps our time together is not definite. For soulmates aren't always forever. Perhaps you are to leave me when there is a smile you find warmer than mine. Perhaps my eyes won't sparkle quite like they used to for you. But a part of you rests in my heart, and that's what matters. You and I will always be attached by a single thread for all of our life. If we are to take two entirely different paths, only connected by that string of fate, I see myself finding you once again later on in my mind. You will always be on this map that has been charted for me by the greatest cartographer of all- destiny. It is quite possible that you and I are to drift onto opposite coasts of the land we have shared for the time we have been together. It is quite possible that we may cultivate our own islands to invite other people into it, other soulmates. But know that in the center of the island sits a perennial blossom you and I have grown, and continue to grow. Because although you have passed to create your story without me, you have left an imprint on my soul. You, soulmate, have filled a crater that I held within with the devotion and love you have shown me.
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