To Marques

To Marques. I'm gonna say the most disgusting thing you've ever heard. I like you. I've always liked you i just made sure that it was low-key. Since we're obviously so much better as friends. But I don't want to be your friend, i mean I do. I just thought that I was gonna able to become better friends with you. Back when we first started talking. I thought you were kinda on my side, I was going through a lot, and I still am but I was happy to have a person to talk to. You didn't seem to judge me. To Marques. I don't know why everyone keeps saying I'm in love with you cause I don't think that's the case. I do, feel attracted to you though. Since at the time i looked at you as a younger brother you were someone close to me in my friend group that I could trust. You kinda just listened, which I needed at the time. You also stared a lot. It was creepy.. But it felt like you were really looking at me and I mean, you have beautiful childish intellectual eyes. You're definitely not brain dead but you act like it. You'll probably never see this but, I kinda just wanted to apologize on paper. I'm so much more fluent when I'm writing out my feelings, and this is something I thought was necessary to get out. I'm sorry, for hurting you. Not physically but you know. I, truly considered you someone close in my friend group. Someone i could trust since I don't really trust people. But I've lost that, I've lost you and I wish I hadn't because you were one of the greater things that came out of me transferring, and I love you and, I love you, a lot. And I'm totally disgusting so I don't blame you for like getting rid of me, I'd do the same. I'm sorry for my clingy personality, affection only runs through me in my house so I usually pass it in to those dearest to me. I'm sorry I wasn't a better associate to you, I'm really the worst. And you know I kinda wish that I was aware of my physical attraction to you. I felt something I just, couldn't gravitate it then like I can now. I wish I told you sooner.. The day we went on winter break last year would have been a perfect time and day. Funny, that same night I actually died! Um. I stopped breathing. My soul kinda slipped out, oops! Haha.. I guess I did kinda go somewhere.. But with all this going on now I really just want to talk and verbally communicate with you. I miss you, a lot. And because we aren't, knowingly close I don't know. I missed my chance which sucks, but i love you. Like, legit love and care. This is my closure to you because I wasn't satisfied with the one you gave me. You don't have to respond, you don't have to look my way. You can burn this afterwards if you want too. But this is my closure, and I truly wish you nothing but happiness and the best in your future. To Marques. I'm so.. engrossed by you. And I, have had these feelings for you since.. 9th grade. They became stronger last year. I didn't tell you because, look. Look at how we are now. I love you. No i like you.. I'm so in love, with the thought that I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you.

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