I recently read the story of Maggie Wardle's murder and relationship in The events of October by Gail Griffin. I was shocked by the amount of people who didn't believe this to be a women's issue or a domestic violence situation. I have firsthand witnessed several types of DV relationships in my lifetime. My best friend almost died at the hands of her sons father on more then one occasion. I was the friend who couldn't handle losing her so I stayed nice when I realized that she would choose him over me at that time. She was hormonal and scared to be a single mom. She had no options of going home. He was incarcerated for the most violent attack which gave her the opportunity to find her way out of the relationship. Her son was 1 year old when she got a knock at the door from the abuser expectantly. She hid in the closet and called 911. To the day we have no clue how he found her. He parked at the end of the street and walked up so we believe his intentions may have been to commit a murder/suicide of her and possibly their son. That was 12 years ago and as we are in our 30's now I wonder what we could have done to help her see the warning signs before it escalated to that level of abuse. I had a friend whose mother left the father and after a few weeks he showed up to the door on Christmas Eve where he killed her and himself. Forever ruining the holiday season for their children. I have a friend whose aunt is paralyzed for life after running from her ex husband as he shot her multiple times. She played dead long enough for him to turn the gun on himself. Just this week one of my previous coworkers lost her niece in a murder suicide when she tried to leave her boyfriend. I googled murder suicide on college campuses and was appalled by the numerous results. Maggie's death wasn't the first or the last. She was in a controlling relationship but he wasn't abusive to her. He wasn't a monster until he was. How do you know what the warning signs are? I mean hindsight is 20/20 but how can I teach my children to recognize signs before they are too late. How do you teach them what is healthy love and what is unhealthy? I work in a community college. I sit at a desk where a previous employee sat. She was gunned down by her husband in front of her children 16 years ago. He also killed himself. He was physically abusive. She had changed the locks, kicked him out. Leaving them is what you are suppose to do but the statistics show that most likely when a female leaves the male from the controlling abusive relationship that her life is endanger. This isn't a man bashing post because I know that women can be abusive too. I have a female friend who is married to a woman who has abused her for years. People have told me well that's not abuse, its 2 women fighting. I don't believe this to be true. This is someone she loves harming and hurting her in the name of love. It is domestic violence and it may not end any different than any other DV case. My aunt was in an abusive controlling relationship with a man who twisted her mind so severely that she shot him in the stomach one afternoon. Her daughter had just informed her mother that he raped her. When he walked through the door she shot him. He lived and she went to jail for attempted murder. She told the detectives and the judge she didn't attempt to murder him as she wouldn't have failed at that. She attempted to ruin his manhood and if her hand wasn't so shaky she wouldn't have missed. Although I am all for child predators not having the ability to rape I do not cheer on my aunt for her crimes. I won't get started on how our laws need to be changed so that someone who rapes a child isn't on the street 2 days later free to harm more. The average sex offender harms 128 people before they are caught. They serve very little time and are free to harm again. This post isn't about gun control, although gun control would have maybe made it harder for Maggie to have been killed. Domestic assaults happen with various weapons just statistically more so with guns. This post is about trying to figure out what to tell your child when they begin to date. How to show your sons healthy ways to treat those they love. How to show them that sometimes love doesn't last forever. Sometimes the partner doesn't feel the same way. This is just me trying to see the big picture here when I start seeing my daughter find herself as an adult and woman.