I have never been comfortable with myself. Since I was 10 years old I have never thought of myself as pretty. I was heavier and everyone around me knew. I was made fun of countless times. I cried myself to sleep on a day in middle school I was told by a boy that he wouldn't square dance with me because I was fat and disgusting. I was 11. I thought this was normal. When I was in high school the weight issue seemed to be imprinted in my mind. I had a job as a lifeguard. I loved swimming and thought this was a good way to exercise. I was made fun of by my peers I worked with. That summer I lost 20 pounds. I refused to eat. I wouldn't be happy with myself until I lost weight. I started sophomore year as a size 2! A size 2... I still didn't feel good enough. Boys still didn't like me and I didn't like me. I'm now 26 and could have been in a awful headspace if it werent for my loving family, friends and peers. Women should not have to think about this constantly. Women have to look a certain way to get a guy? Or keep a guy!? It truly scares me how image obsessed we are. This is what makes girls (and guys) have eating disorders body dismorphia and the feeling of never being good enough .... I felt compelled to say this because I worked at the boys and girls club and mind you this person is 9 years old. This little girl told me she didn't want to go to a water park for her birthday because she would have to be seen in a bathing suit. She is 9!!! This little girl missing out on life because of her concerns of how she looks to other people?! What have we done.
I love to do workout to keep fit. After arriving home from Germany, I was fortunate to identify a personal trainer in my neighbourhood who coaches me. Things were going well until the noble COVID-19 set in and destructed everything about life. Not only that, but it also kept me in a devastating state which I am still dealing with now. We no longer go to the gym. We stayed home and created a small gym, equipped it with a few pieces of equipment to continue exercising. Things were normal until the unforeseen tragedy set, and I kept me in fear and panic. I wake up one beautiful Saturday morning ready to join my trainer for the usual body workout. My trainer's house is located just on the outskirts of the town. Very quiet and friendly to train and exercise with so much excitement. We usually play well, refreshing music while training. When I reached his house, I called him three times to open the gate but no reply. That was unusual of him. As I stood at the gate, I was wondering what to do next. At first, I thought of calling the mum to find out if he had visited her. Another thought suggested that he wouldn't travel without informing me. While these imaginations were going on, I heard my phone ringing. I quickly rushed to get hold of it. He was the one. When I answered the call, I was not interested in the training but to know why he hasn't been able to pick up my calls. After saying hello, I noticed an unusual sound in his voice. I asked him a question with a subjective view of concern from me. What's wrong? He answered, Lydia, please don't get scared but I have the Coronavirus. "I wanted to call to tell you, but I didn't want to create any fear, panic or anxiety in you. He continued, after our last training, you know I mentioned that I was not feeling well. And before we started the week, I suspected myself of the Coronavirus because I showed a few signs. So I quickly called the emergency service line. I gave out the information and requested if I could get the results on time. So just two days ago, it was confirmed I have it". Immediately my phone fell off on the ground. I was devastated. Fear began signalling in my mind. Have I also been infected with the virus since I spend every weekend with him? This was the first question I asked myself. However, I gathered courage and took the phone. I asked him, do you think I should get tested as well? He replied, Lydia stay calm, everything is going to be alright. "I don't think you need to get yourself checked up. The few times we met, we had our mask on, and we never stayed very close. So, don't worry". At this point, I felt I should instead be there for him. So, I ask him if we could talk for long. He didn't have issues staying on the phone for some time. I emphasised that he needed to rest and take care of himself. "Due to anxiety and stigma, I did not inform my parents," he said. I agreed with him, and I assured him that I wouldn't tell anyone. His last words before the call ended. "Lydia, you can't come to my house in the meantime. We need to stay apart till I get well and then we plan our training sessions. You only need to keep me in your prayers. Right now, I think less of myself and more the people around me. I can't forgive myself if I should get you infested". After these words, the call ended. Suddenly, tears started running down my cheeks. My heart was beating harder. My legs were heavy to carry me home. I was terrified; I didn't want to think about how this COVID-19 has been robbing people of their lives. I didn't want to connect that to my trainer's situation and think I might lose him. I sat down at the gate for one hour before returning home. When i got home, I was sad, moody and lost appetite. I stayed on the bed the whole day praying and hoping for best of recovery for him. Since then, he only texted to explain how the symptoms are and how he feels. He recounted that since it started, he had severe headaches. Then later, he started feeling general body pains as if it was accumulated stress. In between, he began to run diarrhoea and have no appetite for food. But generally, "I have lost taste and smell". We stayed apart. He didn't agree that I visit him. Only two health workers have been visiting and providing all that he needs twice in a week. Since then, I have been heartbroken, I only pray and hope he recovers soon and life gets back to normal. He is always full of life, very energetic and passionate about training. I only can't wait to see, train and dance along with him. You and I might not know how we get it because my trainer doesn't know how and where he contracted it. After i stayed for two weeks, I felt relieved when nothing like COVID-19 signs were felt in my body. I urge you to stay safe, protect yourself, family and loved ones by observing all the COVID-19 safety protocols. The world needs us alive.