Today started off really well. I went on a date with a nice guy and we had a really good time. He acts like he wants to go on a third date and when I go home I break down. Why? I realized I forgot to take one of my anxiety pills and my anxiety rocketed. This made me want to crawl up into a ball in my bed and did for a little but I forced myself to get out and do some writing. Writing usually gives me some kind of perspective but I'm having a hard time today. I feel like I'm broken and that no one could possibly be want to be with someone like that. I know I have to keep fighting and that is the most important thing to do but I'm so tired of having to do that every day. And when I think that I will have to make this effort for the rest of my life it makes me feel really overwhelmed. I wish God didn't choose this life for me but I'm sure there was a reason for it. I just haven't figured it out yet.

I started talking to a guy yesterday that really impacted me. I know nothing will probablly come of it because of the distance but the conversation we had really resonated with me. Because he said he was a therapist, I immediately felt safe and calm during our text messages. We revealed a lot to each other, things that we don't usually share with just anyone. I discussed my struggles with my mental illneses and he understood and I felt like he really cared. Sometimes that makes all the difference in the world: finding someone that really truly understands and doesn't try to make it better; he just listens and acknowledges that dealing with all of these obstacles are very difficult. We have a lot of other similarites in common but him accepting me and all of my scars means more to me than I can put into words. I don't feel broken when I talk to him. I just feel like a normal person that sometimes has to work a little harder to find life enjoyable. I know we just met and you can call me crazy but he's already positively infliuenced me.