I always wanted to be Special Riding on high horse of Ideal Looking down on those Who I thought normal I despise them Those giggling little fools They so ignorant Not knowing they're just mere tool In world's large scheme They don't even have any meaningful dream But I am different I am brave I don't cower in front of danger grave All those praises that I crave I can have them by only being brave If I become superior to all I will sure reach my goal Never knew, my dreams were of glass Just a mere touch Shattered to extent such Now my life is abysmal Standing on the precipice of death Eyes full of regret I wonder why again I wanted to be Special What was wrong with being Normal? Now that my life is coming to an End Only did I begun to understand I was just afraid Afraid of being ignored Deep down I was just insecure Trying to act always so cool Who was I trying to fool? The only Fool was me no one else Trying to be special I forgot to be me I was jealous of them being carefree When all I did was just worry Spreading wings in blue sky With my own Dream Never did I Fly I understood it a little too late There is no point now in regret This path is the one I have chosen So I got no room for complain At the end the moral It's okay to be normal Just be yourself.

Mental health difficulties like anxiety, depression and posttraumatic stress disorder can cause many problems in your daily life and could lead to bigger problems over time, its best to keep your mental health in check to have the most positive life that you can, even if you are having mental health issues you CAN recover and find yourself, but it doesn't just happen automatically you have to take the necessary steps for things to change, whether that is getting the help you need from a therapist or medication or just simply cutting toxic people out of your life that drag you down, it may seem hard but there is things you have to realize before making these steps, IT IS okay to do what you need to do to make yourself feel better, it doesn't matter if you see a therapist or are on medication or are not engaging all your time into people who make life harder for you, sometimes people don't take themselves into consideration when it comes down to making the best choice for themselves, If others don't want you to succeed or they judge you for making some of these choices then you know they are the people you should be cutting off, i'm not a therapist i'm just a 16 year old girl, you might think my opinion is irrelevant but i think loving yourself is the most important thing in the world, it has taken me awhile to figure that out and building up the courage to put myself first has been my biggest struggle in my life and has lead to every problem i've had, if i can learn to love-myself i know you can do it to and I promise loving yourself and keeping good mental health will lead you far in this world, you just have to be ready for everything because life isn't always gonna be sunshine and rainbows sometimes your going to go through things that might seem impossible to stay strong through, but you got this, believe in yourself!

Little things can change someone's life whether good or bad. I think for me the biggest impact on my life was discovering who I am. Pointing out the flaws and searching deep to see me for who I really am. I decided to open my mind and see everything that made me great but also confronted parts of me that were the most toxic. I searched my whole mind to see what caused me to be me. I pulled out the parts of me that proved to me that I was a great person. I am a great listener, I listen to people and what they have to say. I observe the situation around me and get a feeling of what the atmosphere is before diving in. I try to make everyone happy, I strive to make everything perfect. But in the end, there are toxic traits. I did not have to search too far to be able to spot the negativity. For example, I am self-loathing. I am full of self-hatred, the hatred that comes and devours me whole but instead of fighting the hatred, I let it take control. I also blame myself for things that are not my fault. Every little inconvenience, every little problem makes my brain believe that it is all my fault. For everyone's bad day, I was the main reason why. I thought and believed that I was a burden to people that I cared about. I knew I wasn't, but my brain didn't let me believe that. The next toxic trait I knew I had that I wholeheartedly believed that was protecting me was the walls that I built up. These walls were walls I built up years ago. When I first felt the dreadful effects of sadness. I hated that feeling, and I never wanted to feel it again. But I kept feeling it, it would creep into my soul like a snake slithering in the grass; you couldn't see it at first until the moments before it bites you and it hurt so bad. I kept feeling this pain over and over again and I wanted nothing more than to stop the pain. The pain of betrayal and the pain of abandonment. The fear of being rejected and never being loved again. There were so many people that have left me in the past and this pain was so unbearable. So in order for me to never feel this pain, I built up walls so high that even I, the one that made them, couldn't tear them down. I stopped letting people in so quickly, I never told anyone how I really feel, I stop taking friendships too seriously and I started distancing myself away from everybody. I felt happy. I felt that nothing in the world could help me. This feeling made me believe that everything was finally okay, the pain wasn't coming back to hurt me. But these walls that I trusted were also the same walls that kept me from being who I wanted to be. The walls that I trusted would help me, ended up restraining me from life. Those walls became almost impossible for me to tear down and I ended up being in more pain than I was ever in before. My toxic traits began becoming more and more like my only traits. I began blaming myself more and hating myself even more. I never told a soul what was happening on the inside. I felt more suffocated than ever. I realized that these traits were doing me nothing but complete harm. I was not feeling any better than I did before I built up the walls I claimed were the fix to my pain. Friends began leaving me because I was becoming something that they couldn't deal with. At that point, everything I had ever fear to be started to come true. I started to be a burden to people because I was acting completely different. I was becoming more distant and more self-deprecating. And I started to hate myself for it. I decided enough was enough and to make myself better. I identified what these toxic traits were, and began breaking down pieces of the tower that I had created. I began treating myself right and decided that these traits weren't going to tear me down any longer. I started forgiving myself more and fixing my mental state. I started letting people in, pushing toxic people out, I did things that made me happy and abandon the things that hurt me. I stopped blaming myself for peoples hard times. I tried to reassure that everything was going to be okay. Although I still am trying to break down that tower, I know that everything will be okay. I still do have moments that I feel like everything is just a complete waste of my time but I know that these feelings will pass and everything will be worth it at the end. That pain can never leave but it is a pain that we can work on healing. Friends will come and go but you have to stay you. I have many people that have greatly impacted my life. Some were negative and some were positive but they all shared something in common, they all taught me a lesson on how to take things. My toxic traits will always be a way for me to learn from my mistakes. These toxic traits do not define me and I will not let them suffocate me again. This experience made me understand that toxic traits are not easy to handle and they take time but I am willing to take as much time needed. At the end of all of this, time was what I needed to heal.

We are all human beings. We are not only bodies with muscles, bones and skin, we are real people who have feelings and emotions that make our life brighter or vice versa, darker. Do you know what it means to be insecure? I do. And this is my life story. At the age of seven. I was glued at the mirror image and passed my eyes over the baby's body with some fat. "I'm cute," I told myself before going to school. The days of the first class were disgusting because of the people who were surrounding me. I realized how they were rude and angry. One thing I remembered well was the words that made me embarrassed that my classmate said once day: "You. Are. Fat. "" WHAT? REALLY? But why? No, I'm not .. or. Maybe, yes ... a little. – I began to justify myself before this boy, but why? Anyway, the feeling of discomfort and the fact that these insulting words were said by the boy hurt me, my interior, my thoughts were confused, now I definitely could not be anything to be sure. His words forever remained like a bell in my head as a reminder of those children's days, I tried to persuade myself, that he wasn't right. However, since that day, I felt knot in a body of my own. At the age of twelve. I again gaze into the mirror reflection and saw a girl who had inflammation of the conjunctiva, which could impair vision. In other words, I had conjunctivitis or a pink eye. My parents were disappointed because their daughter could become completely blind if she did not take appropriate treatment. Yes, I was forced to stay in the hospital for two or three weeks. Of course, it caused some stress, but fortunately, I met new friends with whom we spent a lot of time watching movies and laughing. Everything was fine and nothing hurt. Oh, no, I have well remembered the moment when one girl asked me: "How does she feel being fat?" (She was very slim and slender). "Just do not pay attention" - you can say. But how? Although, easier said than done. When you are a twelve-year-old sensitive girl, you do not even know how to react. In addition, I still cannot understand whether it was a rub or just a question with real interest? Despite this, it broke me down completely. The age of fourteen has come and I again began to look at my reflection in the mirror. Because of puberty, adolescents have some acne like me. The pimples looked like moles, also I had bags under my eyes, as well as puffy bodies. "Too short legs, neck, small eyes, big nose, your face does not fit into the modern standard of beauty! I hate you! "These words I told myself every morning. My self-esteem was aggravated by every word I heard from myself and others. It's clear, I assure you, it's not their fault; it was completely mine and my aggressive behavior to myself. But one day the tables have turned. It was New Year's Eve with my family. I made a wish at 0:00 to be happy in 2016. After the party, my brother and mother got into the hay, and my father stayed with me, as he noticed my sadness. I tried to tell him my fears, and I did not even regret it. My jaw falls when my father told me a story from his life, the story of my fourteen year old father. "Some people have" weight problems ", which are often marked by a struggle related to their childhood. Such was the case for me as well. Since my parents decided to remove from the village to the city, I had to get used to a new life. One of the problems that I faced was relations with classmates. I noticed how dozens of classmates were playing soccer, ran and jumped when I felt very exhausted to do it because of being overweight. "Fat means ugly," I thought. In an attempt to experience the levity of such a body, I began to eat nothing, arguing that it would be better for my health and appearance. Over the years, I lost weight, but my classmates still called me "fat." During this time I wanted to be in shape and was afraid to eat properly, because I thought I would be fatter than I was. Time slips past. Of course, I achieved my weight goals. But one problem remained in my head. "I'm too fat," I told myself every day, even if I had an average weight. One morning, while staying in the bathroom, I stared at the mirror image, and suddenly I said to myself: "I'm beautiful." From that time, repeating these words every day, every minute, my self-esteem began to grow. I realized that all my problems were in my head, not in my body. "Daughter," he said, "when you love yourself, you can love another person, like I love your mother." At the age of sixteen. I stared at the mirror image. "My eyes are big, my neck is long enough, my moles are my features, which I do not need to hide. I am beautiful ". I said these words to myself, trying to get rid of all the worries. Little by little I did it. I'm eighteen now. I look at the mirror image and I see a beautiful lady. I have accepted my body, I am healthy enough, and I feel confident. I have healthy and strong relationships with friends and relatives. I love myself.