When you're older, you'll make sisters. Sisters that will be dear to you. Women that you'll never let go of, never say goodbye to. When you'e older, you'll be a megastar. Helping people is what you do best, that is surely to be your legacy. Whatever field you choose, God will smile and bless those that you touch. When you're older, you'll dance with someone special. Someone special is someone that you should keep, so don't do something stupid for them to leave. When you're older, people will love you. When you come, they will shower flowers on the ground you walk on. When you want a favor, they'll do it right away, forbid any questions asked. When you're older, childish things won't bother you. You are good and alright with and by yourself. When you're older, peace is the norm. Knowing who you are shouldn't be as hard as pinning a cloud from the high sky, but as familiar as the words that roll out of your mouth. When you're older, you'll take care of your parents. Talk with them, laugh with them, share with them, all of that. Show your thanks through the work you do for them. Show your thanks through the work you do because of them. When you're older, you'll get closer with God. Your sisters will be on the same journey, as you would be, and daily conversations with the Most High will come naturally in your spirit and renew your flesh. So when you're older, you'll get closer with God. When you're older, you will simply experience true happiness. The kind that is not dependent on any thing or any one. The kind that is not dependent on any substance or circumstance, but the kind of happiness that comes purely within.

Okay, what time is it? Well, it's already few more minutes before 2 AM. Really, why am I awake? I sighed with my question 'cause even myself couldn't understand why I was awaken in the middle of my deep slumber. Whenever I had to wake up unknowingly, I take it as my cue to read novels or just scroll over my Facebook feed but right now is different, as I just found myself writing this piece with unsure topic. “I don't think someone else would read this”—I silently blurted to myself. Okay, whatever. I just have to write down all these stuffs running through my head for I feel like going crazy knowing I had no one to talk to right now. *sighs* First, cases of CoVid-19 continue to rise in our country especially in our region. Second, the newly-signed law that made everyone shut their mouths but with disappointment written all over their faces. Seriously, I don't know what's worst now. I don't know who's the real enemy in this battlefield. Is it the villain we couldn't see? or is the government that instead of hearing our pleas and cries had to permanently silenced us now. My head is spinning. I couldn't help not to be sorry for my fellow countrymen who never had idea about what's really going on. I couldn't even help myself just to remain unheard knowing not everyone has the voice to speak out. I wrote this not to go against with my government. I wrote this for my people. I know, it's been a while since I took writing seriously but right time won't come unless I make it. Now, it's already 2 o'clock and I'm also done writing but my mother suddenly crossed my mind, I can't help not say this myself... “How are you there in abroad, Mama? I hope you feel fine.”

You never know just who or what You'll cross with throughout most days. Yet there always seems to be moments in time that leave us lost for words or full of thoughts. Though I don't fully known where my encounter may lie, I know for certain that it carries a heavy truth. And with any truth to be told, it can be applied within life and it's delights. All in mind towards a genuine honesty of life that may hopefully follow, not too far behind. The other day I was at the gym and I was at the pool so my arm was showing. Someone had noticed and asked, “oh man, what happened there?” And pointed at it. Now before that, no one had been so direct towards me about it. Usually they'd notice it and my guess, get uncomfortable or awkward and try not to notice or cause attention to it. I know what it is, but I also know what it can be seen as, perceived from the outside looking in. I know what it must do to others. But here was someone who asked, not to be devious, but out of genuine concern or harmless curiosity, not instinctively thinking that I'd possibly do it to myself, thinking it had to have been something like an attack or accident. I just appreciated that lack of assumption, she didn't jump to unfair judgement, she gave me that benefit of the doubt, and with that, I was grateful and glad to answer her question. “What happened there?” And with some thought, I told her. “I was tryin- I was looking for some answers. I didn't find them. I'm still figuring them out though. Closer everyday.” And it was then, it was as if all the obvious just hit her square in the face, she kinda tried to close her mouth, not to be so obvious with her own reaction, but it was far too late for either of us to be subtle. She wasn't put off though, she didn't suddenly shame me or become disgusted; she was just hit with a heavier unexpected answer. But then I saw a sadness, not pity, but a sadness for my wellbeing, a concern. It was warmth, no doubt in my mind, cause I felt it churning in her eyes. Like intertwined gears that wind the clock. After some ticks and tocks, she absorbed the time needed to process the situation for what it was, she spoke in a tone that she had shifted from the soul. She reached out to me and connected, “Well I'm really glad you didn't find it -there-. There's reason for why we don't always get what we want, there's moments in time when what we want most, is actually what will cause our demise. So life throws us a bone, and denies that hidden demise. Saving us, while we cry.” The hair on my arms started to raise, it's like she peaked in, and saw it for what it for was it was, and put it into words for me. I wanted to tear my wall, to show her that she had got through to me, but all I could muster was a big teethe smile, I never do so cause my teeth are a mess, but my joy wouldn't stand for anything less as it's expression. Then I looked to her with an uttermost heartfelt gleam smeared across my once broken face, and thanked her for being a wonderful human being. It was a powerful moment, and it was all within 3 or 4 minutes of small talk. She went on to finish her workout and I stayed there listening to the echo acoustics of the indoor pool. Processing the situation for myself. For what it was..

What makes this mother is what drives her madder. A little bit madder and oh, never better! She sings lullabyes when the children cries kissing her own younger self goodbye. Her daily game is surviving the mundane while her handful kids drive her insane. In better days she's a lesser mom, hustled and worried and always on the run. As the world turns in a crazier round this madder mother stands firm on the ground.

Isn't it the most frustrating thing to have the persistent feeling that you need to write, but for the life of you, your always rampaging mind can't seem to come up with something suitable for your emotions today? I'm sure all writing enthusiast out there can relate to the situation I feel right now. Like an itch you can't seem to get under control unless you start typing, I can say for sure that writer's block is at its worst when you feel the urge to have words flowing onto the page by any means necessary. I wasn't always like this. In fact, I still find those horrendously boring topics they force us to write on in school to be a big encouragement to give up the writing gig for good. But, recently, it's become like my drug I can't escape from. Whenever I write about what my heart desires that day, I'm forever floating in a relentless high, entirely at peace with myself and the words that stream across the page in an unstoppable torrential rush. It's the one thing that makes me feel free of everything: judgment, restrictions, deadlines, worries, pain, limitations. Time. I can travel wherever I please without fail. From the deepest, darkest parts of the ocean to the highest, brightest, stars in the galaxy and beyond. All are mine for the taking. Pencil, pen, keyboard; the medium doesn't matter so long as I can let my mind soar into my wildest imaginations. I could revisit the past without worries of disrupting the future. I could be the first to confirm that black holes indeed lead somewhere reachable. I could be the version of myself I hope and forever wish to be and start shaping my Now to chase after that Tomorrow. The possibilities indeed are endless, with our only limit being how far our mind's eye is willing to see. Who knows; perhaps one day we will discover what some perceive to be impossible to comprehend. That all the “fiction” we've created is really other universes “non-fiction.” Who's to say that every time we create a book, we've indeed created a new universe? Or further yet, what if the ideas we have that lead us to the pieces we create are downloads about other worlds that exist somewhere in the infinite vastness that is space. For all I know, I could be the main character of someone's book right now. Now that is something the reflect one for sure. Well, how strange is this? I could've sworn I had no idea what to write about a few moments ago. The itch, my persistent need, has finally been quelled. But that only happens when I've written about the right thing. How interesting. How'd did my perfect something come from absolutely nothing? Where did the words arrive from? Our mind is one strange entity. It makes me wonder how much we truly understand about ourselves.