Weeping I set on the edge of the dock, shocked by the sudden realization, “School is almost over.” I know it might sound pathetic, but all my friends are there. How much change will we be coming back to at the beginning of September? Will we all have the same feelings, or will we all care about someone else? Will I live in the shadows of loneliness, or will I live in the light of friends? Only God knows. I will keep working trying to change, I'm trying to see if I can be myself. I try to say I'm not like the others, the ones who care about what people think, but I'm just kidding myself. I'm the same as everyone else. I think about how I look and how I act. I stew over what I said days before, and I kick myself for being too talkative. For what I said that sounded dumb. I am trying to live my life, going against the flock, but I catch myself going the same way and I try so hard to turn my back. Temptation follows my every move. Selfishness shadows me. Everything I feel I keep bottled up the things I think stay in my head. I don't know how much longer I can last. I hide my stress, nobody knows. I make people draw the wrong conclusion like I'm against everything they do. Nobody knows me because it makes me vulnerable. If all they know about me is lies, then if they try to hurt me none of my real feelings will be divulged. I might slap you or yell when you say something stupid only to manipulate your thoughts about me. I say I don't like physical touch when I want someone to hold me. Almost everyone can't decrypt my feelings and those who do, I hold farthest away. I hope to change all this through the summer so I can show them all I've changed. I want others to realize I'm not who I say. I am scared to death of what I want but I believe it's the right thing to do. So, what do you say? Should I change all the way? To reprogram my thinking, my feelings, my type. To gamble everything in my relationship my world. It's up to you.