I have never been comfortable with myself. Since I was 10 years old I have never thought of myself as pretty. I was heavier and everyone around me knew. I was made fun of countless times. I cried myself to sleep on a day in middle school I was told by a boy that he wouldn't square dance with me because I was fat and disgusting. I was 11. I thought this was normal. When I was in high school the weight issue seemed to be imprinted in my mind. I had a job as a lifeguard. I loved swimming and thought this was a good way to exercise. I was made fun of by my peers I worked with. That summer I lost 20 pounds. I refused to eat. I wouldn't be happy with myself until I lost weight. I started sophomore year as a size 2! A size 2... I still didn't feel good enough. Boys still didn't like me and I didn't like me. I'm now 26 and could have been in a awful headspace if it werent for my loving family, friends and peers. Women should not have to think about this constantly. Women have to look a certain way to get a guy? Or keep a guy!? It truly scares me how image obsessed we are. This is what makes girls (and guys) have eating disorders body dismorphia and the feeling of never being good enough .... I felt compelled to say this because I worked at the boys and girls club and mind you this person is 9 years old. This little girl told me she didn't want to go to a water park for her birthday because she would have to be seen in a bathing suit. She is 9!!! This little girl missing out on life because of her concerns of how she looks to other people?! What have we done.

Dear future me, Although life hasn't offered the most clarity, you've come a long ways. You've learned to let go of fear and embrace beauty and pain for what life is. As beautiful yet terrifying as it is right now for me and was back then for you, you've yet still managed to have an abundance of love within your heart to give to everyone. I am certain that this quality of you and me will always remain. You have a heart too big for your body. You ride the waves of life with such ease now. Sometimes, it makes me want to catch up to you faster because often times, when I hit a tide, I seem to crash. I know that my life in the moment is a web of tangled and intricate experiences and emotions that have helped mold me into you. Trust me, I am working every single day to make myself better for you. You're “old enough to know better but young enough to do it anyway.” So, laugh about all the silly mistakes I'm making at the moment and be grateful for that because it lead you to be who you are right now.