Hurricane? Pandemic? When is it going to end? I can never get a break. This maddening situation is endless and it is crucial that I find a way out. It all started with the weather. On September 1st 2019, winds of destruction and waters of abduction invaded my beautiful princess known as Grand Bahama. It was the worst hurricane she has ever seen. We've heard her cries and her screams. She was in ruins. She was screaming agony. 90% of her was in ruins yet she was strong through it all. We, her servants, felt her pain. Our homes and our life has been destroyed yet through it all we stood firm through the midst. We had to stay strong for her. We owed it to her to stay positive and optimistic about the future. However, there was someone who was falling apart inside. Someone she trusted so much to name them her “most trusted servant” and that was me. It felt as my concrete walls were just gaining so much cracks. ‘We are destroyed and we will never be fixed' was the only thought that was going through my mind. Depression and Anxiety were my best friends during that dismal time. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I don't even remember having sunny days yet the princess stayed vibrant through it all. While she had sunshine, I had dark clouds but I couldn't show her. I had to be strong for her and only her. I was eaten alive within myself. Anxiety and Depression always made me feel worst and I admired them for it. I welcomed them with open arms all the time just to feel loved by something other than the princess. As the princess got stronger, I continued to get weaker. Anxiety and Depression stayed by my side reminding me that everything was futile and I would soon depart from this world. Depression told me that I was ready to leave while Anxiety made me fear what would happen. They would bicker for hours leaving me more baffled as the days went by. Three months passed, Anxiety and Depression left me for a few days. Before they left, they warned me that Hope and Faith would try slither into my life and manipulate my mind. In a split second, Hope and Faith appeared but the words of Anxiety and Depression kept lurking. I gradually opened up to Hope and Faith. They fed me with words of encouragement. I refused to grasp on to positivity because I was holding on to my past with Anxiety and Depression. Hope and Faith fought with me until I accepted them. When I accepted them, my mind instantly transformed. I gained new beliefs and morals. I shone with light. Anxiety and Depression ridiculed me. Taunted me. Scorned me. My life became new again. The princess was gradually becoming herself again. Life was impeccable until he came. He appeared like an illusion. He appeared out of thin air. His name was Covid. His followers called him “a mysterious virus” because he was quiet yet so dangerous he could be deadly. He captured every country in the world. He was conniving that it was almost sick. We knew exactly what he came for: the princess. She had been through so much and nobody cared. We cared. We loved her. I loved her. We tried to save the princess but it was too late. His symptoms were already masked within her. He used her to attack us one by one. We couldn't save her! The rest of us had to save ourselves. It was unaware whether we would ever see our beautiful princess again. We stocked up on food and was locked away for almost a year. I was alone once again. I pushed away Faith and Hope. They couldn't help me. They promised me a life after being locked away for so long I was helpless and useless. Alone in my chambers where I waited, anxiously waiting to be released back into the outside world. Waited to be reunited with the princess. Waited to eat dinner with her, go on the beach and just be with her. Just waited. I was alone. I entered my own thoughts and just lingered there as the days went by. No one loved me. No one called or checked on me. I felt lonely. No one was there for me until my true friends returned. I begged Anxiety and Depression for forgiveness. I listened to the lies of Hope and Faith. I screamed and begged for them to take me back. Hope and Faith gave me this fake reality to look forward to. I couldn't handle being alone. I needed to escape. I shrieked for nights laying on the floor begging to be released from this prison. Anxiety helped me to succumb to elevated breathing, blurry vision and frequent chest pains. I rocked back and forth for nights. I laid on the floor for hours. The walls were constantly closing in on me. I was not safe there. My head was dangerous. Thoughts of ending it all seemed like the only escape to this misery Was this how I was going to die? Inside forever?

July,2008 It was a very hot saturday.As per my ritual every school weekend,I was still lolling around in bed even at 09.30 in the morning.Nothing could have motivated me to change my current place,not even mommy dearest's threat of introducing Mr.flipflop to my beautiful face,nothing except the aforementioned 'hot' day. The sweat drenching my powerpuff 'bubbles'pyjamas successfully made me move from belly-flop position on bed to starfish position on the floor. Busily contemplating how could cinderella's shoes have fallen off if they fit perfectly,I failed to hear the knock on my front door. The sound so meek it failed to attract my attention until the third time and it made me suspicious! Afterall I'm home alone(both my parents had just left for work) and the calling bell was working better than me. Before my 13-year-old mind could conjure up situations where a clown came after me with butter knife,number of knockings had increased to five. Dubious yet curious I checked the peep-hole to find a little girl who couldn't be more than 5 years old fidgeting with a stainless steel vessel in her hand,Only then I remembered that it was mid-July. I live in Chennai(Tamilnadu,India) city famous for 2nd longest beach in the world-marina.My mother tongue is Tamil(one of the oldest language)and we have a separate calendar in addition to common one we use and the first tamil month starts from 14th of april. During the Tamil calendar fourth month 'aadi'(July 15-aug 15) we worship goddess parvathi in various ways. one such custom is to visit a temple and cook sweet jaggery rice camping style with clay pot,bricks and dry wood. Few ardent devotees visit as many homes as possible to get raw rice or money as donation. understanding that this slightly anorexic looking,dimpled cherub in a worn out but clean sky blue frock with two ponytails was one such collector floored my mind. As I opened the door I was awestruck by two things.First,her impeccable manners as she sweetly asked me to 'please' give her handful of rice and second,the widest toothpaste advertisement worthy smile she hit me with once she finished requesting. Despite taken aback by this tiny pixie with expressive eyes bravely facing the burning sun,I somehow managed to get a cup full of rice and 4 cent chocolate my classmate had given me the previous day. The little darling was thrilled to see the chocolate and thanked me profusely remarking how her 3-year-old little brother was crazy for them but their mother had very little money to buy it. Her father,an unemployed alcoholic heaped the burden of managing expenses on his wife who managed two jobs(as a waitress and house maid). In order to make their ends meet she had heartbrokenly sent her adorable babygirl to collect rice not for worship but for their own use in upcoming months! Having collected her bounty, madam cutie bade me goodbye exclaiming she was on a very tight schedule thus here I was,once again, sprawled on the floor of my bedroom reflecting on the surprising yet most welcomed meeting I just had with the cheerful little girl. Cheerful little girl,who A)looked anorexic due to lack of food B)wore a patched up frock because her mother struggled to make ends meet C)cherished cheap chocolates yet saved it for her brother and most of all faced all these difficulties with a huge smile and innocent eyes. That was when I had "good god I have been an idiot!" moment. Confused?Well,All the while this tiny pixie was stage-whispheringly confessing to me,she kept crossing her legs dancing like a snake which in retrospect could have been due to leg pain or her need to visit the restroom but being the stupid teenager I was, I failed to question her about it on the spot so I leapt from the floor and rushed outside. Twenty minutes of exploring-my-neighbourhood later I understood my search party had failed epicly making me conclude she must have finished with this street and moved on. That day at the age of 13, I learned many lessons through this angel (who disappeared just as suddenly as she appeared) I understood the importance of acknowledging my parents sacrifices, I learnt that the comforts I took for granted were luxury to others, I decided to thank god everyday for everything he blessed me with but most of all I learned to face everything with a smile on my face. To most this might be the simplest of encounter but for a naïve teenage girl like me this was one of a life changing moment. Even now at the age of 26, I still dream about that angel who taught me to face all challenges with child like open-mindedness and her mother who undeterred by poverty faced the days with dignity doing her best to raise her children with good behaviour and kind heart. My sweet Angel if you read this one day I thank you for breezing into my life that hot Saturday and changing it within shortest amount of time and fervently hope god has heaped you as well as your little brother with lots of chocolates and love.

I was driving home after a day at the water park with my daughter's Girl Scout troop, about ten at night, about 40 minutes left to go. I glanced at the sleepy kids in the back. The coffee was working. I was awake and alert. Time to play some music. I fumbled between the seats for my hand-held player. A car was coming. Better let it pass first, I thought, putting both hands on the wheel. I focused on those headlights. Suddenly, they disappeared. I let off the gas, flashed my brights, and strained to see where they went. That's when I saw the car-hauler semi-truck pulled across the highway and realized those headlights hit that truck! Three heads popped up in the back. “Why are we stopping?” one asked. “There's been an accident,” I said parking at nearby warehouse. “Stay put. I'm going to see if I can help.” I hurried to the small, white car smashed into the side of the semi-trailer. Inside was a young, blonde, unconscious woman. Her head tilted unnaturally low to one side. I reached through the window, touched her shoulder, and prayed. “Please don't have put me here for nothing, Lord. Save this woman. Give her another chance, Lord. Please help her!” I felt for a pulse but couldn't find one. More people came. “There are no skid marks,” someone said. “She didn't see the truck.” The truck driver was trying to make a three-point turn. His cab was in the ditch angled towards oncoming traffic. Facing away from me, I hadn't seen it . Our headlights shined right through the trailer. I hadn't seen anything until I turned on my high beams. If I hadn't been staring straight at her headlights when they'd disappeared, I'd have hit it too. In minutes an off-duty fireman had traffic stopped behind the accident and put out flares, and an off-duty police officer was at the car calling for more help and trying to assess the girl's condition. “I can't feel her pulse,” I told him. “She's got a faint pulse,” he said. Oh thank God! ‘Thank you, God,' I thought. “Can I help?” I asked. “No, those guys will handle it,” he said indicating the firemen sprinting to the car. They affixed a neck brace and administered Oxygen. I checked the kids. They were tired and antsy. “It won't be much longer. The firemen are here,” I said then walked back to the roadside to pace and pray. I heard a bystander say, “She's dead.” No, Lord. Please! I took a deep breath and asked a nearby policewoman. “Did she die?” “Maybe you heard the Life Flight helicopter earlier?” she said. “It's been cancelled.” The next day's newspaper said the blonde "woman" was only eighteen. Her name was Amy, the same as my youngest daughter. She was to start nursing school in three weeks. Instead she was dead, and I was alive. In three weeks I'd celebrate my Amy's 2nd birthday because of her headlights. I was so angry at God. Why such a senseless death? Why have a praying Christian, a fireman, and a police officer there in minutes only for her to die? You could have stopped this, my thoughts railed at Him. You're all powerful! Why? I was sick to my stomach for three days. Eventually I realized the railing wasn't helping, wouldn't change anything. I needed to snap out of it, pull myself together. I had a family to care for--chores to do. Laundry was piling up. The lawn needed mowing. I decided to let it go—for now. I put on my work clothes and some praise music hoping to lift my spirits. I was tying my tennis shoes when I had my epiphany. "Awesome God" was playing. The chorus declared “Our God is an awesome God. He reigns from Heaven above with wisdom, power, and love. Our God is an awesome God.” At first, I was still feeling bitter and mocking God inside as I listened. All powerful, but You let her die. Wise, but you let it happen anyway. I was crying again. Why? I wouldn't do that to someone I love. As the chorus repeated “in wisdom, power, and love . . .” I finally heard it. I'd given Him credit for power, but not love. I'd said it already—I wouldn't do that to someone I loved. What if she was headed for hell? Then I realized anew that God doesn't just have love, He is love. If it hurt me to see this stranger die, how much more had it hurt Love to see His creation die? Then why? The anger was gone now. He reigns in wisdom, power and love. Yes, He is omnipotent (all powerful). Yes, He is love. So why? He is also wise. Beyond wise--He's omniscient. I know in part, but He knows it all. Yet Love to let her die because He knew something I didn't. What was that Bible verse? “All things work together for good to them that love God.” God had worked good in that accident for me. Surely omniscient, omnipotent Love had worked good for Amy as well. Was she ready to meet her maker that day? I don't know, but I believe she was as ready as she would ever be. Love would not have taken her otherwise.