**To be read after reading the noted verses Psalm 103:6-18 God does not hold a grudge against His children. God does not treat His children the way they deserve to be treated. He does not enforce punishment according to His children's sin; Instead He forgives. He removes His children's transgressions as far as the East is from the West (this means he doesn't ruminate and dig the past up in His current/future thoughts/speech). God is a compassionate/tender FATHER toward His children. Just as God has compassion on His children's human frailty (disorders/ disabilities of the flesh); parents [spouses] are called to extend compassion to their child(ren)'s [spouse's] spiritual/physical/mental conditions. Colossians 3:12-25 Wives, be [a]subject [submit] to your husbands [out of respect for their position as protector, and their accountability to God], as is proper and [be]fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives [with an affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for them] and do not be embittered or resentful toward them [because of the responsibilities of marriage, (such the sacrifice of your time, money, emotional growth/accountability)]. Children, obey your parents [as God's representatives] in all things, for this [attitude of respect and obedience] is well-pleasing [c]to the Lord [and will bring you God's promised blessings]. Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or exasperate your children [with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by favoritism or indifference; treat them tenderly with lovingkindness], so they will not lose heart and become discouraged or unmotivated [with their spirits broken]. When God tells wives to submit and be subject to her husband He is speaking a concept that suggests mutual submission and intimacy to LOVE. This concept is characterized by a husband's servant leadership (not enforcing his hand) and a wife's (voluntary) submissive cooperation. The husband's consistent obedience to adopt a servant leadership awakens the wife to develop the skills to temper her desires and cooperate with the husband's servant leadership. The Texas saying “Ladies First” when interpreted and applied by God's biblical principles doesn't mean ‘Woman! Submit first' it means ‘husbands lead by placing your wife's needs/desires before yours– in the menial things and grand things'. Father's are reminded God calls them to make their child(ren) and wife FEEL wanted. Unreasonable demands (criticism, nagging, rigidity, nit-picking) will provoke their child(ren)/spouse to anger and push them to perpetual bitterness with the result of causing/inflicting spiritual/mental harm (that could reach the point of impairment)– not to mention the damage it does to God's kingdom when non-believers witness such strife in a home that professes their belief and love for Christ! This type of strife squelches hope regardless of one's belief in the Lord. Fathers/husbands when you experience your child(ren) or spouse exhibit increased anger, disrespect, distractibility, decrease in daily academic/occupational functioning, covert and overt disobedience, rebellion, physical & emotional withdrawal (outside the developmental norm for that child or spouse) this is a clear indication to you they don't FEEL wanted by their earthly father– it's rationale for the husband/spouse to take what may seem like an uncomfortable amount of their time to humbly consider the degree to which the strife in their home is a result of their provocation, consequently leading outside of God's will (what He says is good for you). The heart behind God's word is often only experienced when the leader of the home intentionally commits to actively pursue God to place a new spirit in your husband and replace his heart of stone with a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26). Wives fervently pray this very thing over your husband daily AND believe God to grant you the desires of your heart (for your spouse) that is in God's will (Psalms 37:4, Psalms 20). 1 Peter 3 Sarah, Abraham's wife, trusted our sovereign God by giving Him time to work. There is a caveat to Sarah's example of obedience when the pattern of abuse is established as part of the marital homeostasis in the home: God does not condone abuse– physical/sexual/verbal/financial/spiritual. The ABBA father's intention for the wife's individual right to be safe is prioritized over His call for her to submit when she (or her child(ren) are experiencing spousal/parental abuse rather than servant leadership from a God fearing/obedient husband. Does this mean automatic cause for divorce? Not always. A wife and mother's pursuit to obtain a safe living environment IS within biblical principle. A wife is allowed and will be supported by Christ to live in separation from an abusive spouse- yes, this means a life of living separately if the spouse does not repent and restore his relationship with Christ, church leaders/mentors, and his family.

Husbands, has your wife ever asked you something like: “Do you think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world?” [Hint: to any literal communicator's analyzing the logical response to your wife's bid for love] She is not asking you to crown her as the next Mrs. America— she's asking if you have crowned her as your Queen to be the most beautiful girl in the only world that matters to her—yours. At first glance some may assert a wife who asks such questions to her husband is simply insecure and it's on her to deal with those insecurities. When have matters of the heart, love and marriage ever been simple? Hopefully, if you're still reading (HA!) you are open to a more in-depth look at the Psychology and Spirituality woven into the essence of women, by our Creator, that rightly motivates a wife to desire such validation, admiration and belonging. For those of you who are husbands stumbling across this in a voluntary pursuit to better understand your wife— STOP— take a moment and receive the Holy Spirit's ‘high-five' for walking out 1 Peter 3:7 (May your dedication to your marriage be recognized and admired!): “In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way [with great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship], as with someone physically weaker, since she is a woman. Show her honor and respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered or ineffective.” [1 Peter 3:7 AMP] In statistics a ‘raw score' is simply a number that represents the correctly answered questions (i.e. 60) but a raw score does not convey any meaning until some standard is applied with which to interpret the raw score. A wife can hear her husband say “You look nice, sweetie” or “Sure, I think you're beautiful”. These are a collection of correct answers that make up the sum total of a raw score. Now imagine you're leaving church together and a fashionable, tall, fit, attractive woman stops and talks with the both of you. You exchange pleasantries and continue about your day. Gentlemen, I introduce to you the standard your wife is now using to make meaning of and interpret the raw score. You're input greatly informs how the raw score is interpreted. The wife is thinking: “There is no doubt in my mind that woman at church is beautiful. She had it all: perfectly styled hair, flawless make-up, tanned legs for days, straight/white teeth that would land her a job as the new poster woman for the American Dental Association… My husband's told me before that he thinks I'm beautiful— just this morning he said I looked 'nice'… but next to her does he see me as ‘that kind' of beautiful… am I the most beautiful women in the world— to him?” Later that night she reluctantly discloses she's been wondering if you thought she was more beautiful than the woman at church. Just as God needs for us to tell him we adore him more than anyone or anything in the world your wife needs to hear you say she is the most beautiful woman in the world to you— after all, we are each made in God's image. Insecurity is not the primary motivation to her question, rather it's her desire to be chosen above all other women (as Christ desires for us to choose Him). If, as her husband, you find you're hesitant or flat out unable to see your wife as the most beautiful woman in the world to you… in that moment lean on the Holy Spirit to speak these affirming words to your wife through you and take note of your disbelief. To speak these words is to provide her with emotional safety and security that symbolizes clean air for her to thrive and breath life into the marriage, children, and the home. It's okay to lean into the Holy Spirit to be your provider and intercede on your behalf— to allow His words to flow through your mouth. This is not a lie or deceitfulness. This is the living, loving, active marriage covenant at work, circling around your strengths, weaknesses, past hurts and ensuring the future vision of you and your wife's marriage/family/ministry is fed and protected. It's crucial for you to: 1) Intentionally go to God, your men's group, and/or seek counseling to discover what's driving your hesitation/disbelief. 2) Take steps toward being able to truthfully see her as the Holy Spirit see's her. 3) Place the crown upon her head as your Queen. “I am coming quickly! Hold fast what you have, that no one may take your crown” (Revelations 3:11 NKJV) 4) Experience the rewards of watching your marriage THRIVE and your wife step into the woman God created her to be.