When I was in the tenth grade, I decided to take five extra classes on top of my school classes, totaling to a whopping nine classes in one semester, as opposed to the usual four. I was drowning. I was caught in a torrent of assignments and essays and tests and quizzes, and I was drowning. Nobody seemed to notice my slow descent into exhaustion. I kept going, and going, and going, because there was nothing else I could do. When I was in the tenth grade, I decided to join the fall play. Most of my friends were in theatre. My best friend was in theatre. I probably wouldn't like it, but it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. I was right. I didn't like it. I loved it. I stepped on that stage, and suddenly I could breathe. I had broken out of the water, there was a glorious burn of oxygen in my lungs, and I could breathe. I wasn't me. I wasn't an overburdened, exhausted, burn-out of a kid. I was just another character. It was freeing. I loved it. I had such a small role, but nothing could ever compare to the exhilarating feeling of being on stage. Of being up there, being someone other than myself, someone who could just discard their problems like a heavy jacket. I was no longer drowning. I was treading water. Someone had given me their hand and pulled me out of that frigid riptide. I was no longer drowning. I took comfort in the fact that it wasn't me, on that stage. It was a butcher, or a driver, or a dancer, or whatever I needed to be in that moment. And I took comfort in the fact that no matter how the audience hated me, it wasn't me that they hated. It was hard work, and for all intents and purposes I should have been even more tired. But every time I stepped on that stage, I was invigorated. It was like a shelter in a downpour. In all honesty, theatre saved me. I found it easier to complete the rest of my assignments. I didn't find day-to-day life to be such a chore. I was freer, and happier, than I had been in a long, long time. The minute I stepped on that stage, and the water cleared out of my lungs, I knew this was what I was going to be doing for the rest of my life.

As you float stranded in the middle of the ocean, no one else in sight. Locked away from the outside world, prohibited accesses to any face to face contact. Alone. Drowning in a body of water as reckless waves continue to push you further down in the darkness. We lived what felt like normal life onshore, in the sand, no water nearby. Going to school five days a week, partaking in sporting events and extracurriculars, working a 9-5 job on the weekends to make a little extra money. We lived our normal life. Until everyone was unexpectedly thrown into the ocean, the waves from the water were fun at first. We'd only be in the water for a short time, vacation at most, a break from reality. It would all be done soon enough and life would return to our normal. But, as countless days passed, we began to feel isolated in the middle of the ocean. Nowhere to go and no new surroundings to see. As we roll into week 17 of our so-called “vacation”, we are drowning. The water begins pulling us in deeper and deeper down, drowning in nothing but our own thoughts and emotions. Mental health issues strick an ultimate high with 45% more people now struggling with these issues because of this ocean. As we take our last breath of normal life, the water drags us down into a dark, unknown place. Depression, anxiety, substance abuse, comes crashing down on us like the waves of the ocean eliminating our ability to even grasp a breath of our passed normal life. The waves continue to pummel in, one after another, crashing down harder by the second. Unemployment, increase in COVID numbers, even the death of loved ones, all strike you further down into the water. You are now the farthest down in the dark you've even been. Experiencing thoughts like never before. Just you, alone, in the middle of the bottom of the ocean, no grasp of what it feels like to breathe normal air. Day by day new waves push you down more into the dark waters but you are not even affected anymore. You don't struggle, don't try to even attempt to not sink down. You go into the darkness making no effort to fight the pain of drowning. Some days you get pushed onto the shore, a little light in your life. Life feels so surreal, there is not a worldwide pandemic, but instead just you and your best friend. A taste of what normal life once felt like, a day outside with friends, funny jokes with your mom, finally finishing that show you binge-watched, but no matter how hard you try to stay in that moment forever. How hard you fight back to get your normal again the waves always will pull you back into the water. Bring you back down into that darkness of the ocean, alone, again. As you reach the surface of the water you can see the horizon, you can see normal life again. The life that we took for such guaranteed but would do anything to be able to breathe a single breath of that normal life just once. But the uncertainty strikes your eyes like fear. Having absolutely no idea when you will be able to reach that horizon? How far away it is? When will life every be so-called normal again? When will we be able to make it back to the horizon? But you have to continue to swim to try to make it there, day by day, because no matter the uncertainty, we will make it to that horizon. No matter how long it takes or what roadblocks come your way, eventually, you will. You will make it to that horizon. Be able to breathe than normal air, onshore, with no waves to pull you into that darkness that once overtook your mind. Eventually, we will be normal again, do not let the fear and uncertainty overcome the optimism.

"How would it feel to be able to wake up for once and not have negative thoughts crowding my head?" "Will a day ever come where I will never have to feel worthless or insecure again?" "Am I loved?" "What is wrong with me?" "Why me…why me?" Let those sink in. Many of you have asked yourselves one, two or maybe all of these questions. These happen to just be a small portion of the questions you constantly ask yourself every day. Crazy huh, how you try hard to obliterate every negative aspect out of your life. Nothing ever works though and instead you end up falling somewhere on the mental health spectrum. You ask yourself these questions, knowing you will attempt to answer them yourself. Do your answers usually revolve around it being your fault for even having these questions swarm your mind in the first place? Many become obsessed with trying to find answers…you become obsessed with trying to find answers. It gets to the point where you feel as though you can no longer deal with the never ending emotional, mental and physical pain. You cannot separate yourself from this darkness and instead your need for life to end, pulls you deeper and deeper into the abyss of despair. Well it is time to cut the chain death has on you and begin to resurface. Understand that you are a representation of true beauty. True beauty can be anything you want because you define your true beauty. Every scar, internal and external is not a defect. Look at how God did not make a mistake. You were created detail by detail. There is more to you than you realize. Mental health is a piece of a puzzle. It is not the puzzle. It is not you. You are complex. You are beautiful. You are an intricate masterpiece.