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At the end of 2019, an unknown storm of virus hit our mother Earth, for we had never ever seen before, emergency and hospital are working day and night. The shop was shut, the school was shut, everything in the whole world seem stop to me, the time is frozen outside, no one was even out, no dogs are barking, no cars are honking, everything is just so quiet and peaceful, but we human beings felt like we are falling into a deep black shadowy night. A night we may never came out or never end. In the early of 2020, once the red and noisy street turns into silent, mysterious and foggy old towns, what can we say? The virus are keep on spreading and corrodes people's heart, defeating the psychological defense, breaking our down into pieces and eaten our all, but we are keep on standing up, we are keeping on fight them, unsung heroes are trying their best to fight back, to break the fog in front of us, to end this terrible and horrible night...... We as Chinese been the first people to guarantee and stay at home, always wear masks, the unbreakable cage locked us down in this situation and trying even to break into it, "Boop, boop, boop." Every heartbeat in my life at this time is hard, quick and strong, even nervous, willing to come out. But I keep it inside me, I try to let myself com down, because life is brutal, life is unforgiving, if at this this very very dark and shadowy night, you say:"Nope, I cannot handle this anymore, I cannot, I feel so down, I feel so upset, I just want to give up."Well, that is how I start to feel at the middle of the pandemic, I want to go out, I am desire to feel the nature, to explore the life, and not just spent days in my home, taking online lesson, I feel desperate and many of my friends are also feeling so, but this is very true and very actual. So bring this feeling I made it to the March, when I finally relief and understand, I start to don't care about when the pandemic is going to end or not, and I start to not wishing that there will be an end for this pandemic, and I think it is kind good for me, because I start to do more and more new things, drawing, exercising and thinking on or a better way. After the relief in my heart, it is kind of weird, the pandemic seem end, the light of the sun shine, symbolized the end of the long and silence night, people are congratulating and showing happiness, but I think the silence night ends.
My life is easier than most during this time. It's hardly changed at all. Three times a week, we try to untwist my spine. Leaving the house is no issue at all. Wake up late to load my laptop, yet I log onto school on time. The only issue is homework refusing to load, but that hasn't changed anything at all. My routine has stayed the same, yet an overhanging cloud slowly starts to fill the air. My family's concerns over something unseen seeps into my own worry. No one there seems to care for the safety of others. Nothing has changed there at all. A slight anxiety gnaws at me. It bites and it tastes yet its teeth don't sink in. So nothing has changed there at all. With more corruption coming to light, more hatred and anger, the cloud starts to grow, and the fangs grow longer. But I'll stay silent about it, so nothing has changed there. They talk about it more - my parents, I mean. Politics and illness and people who don't make sense - every day, every hour, and the news is always on. That's new. I keep picking at my skin, slight anxiety seeping in. I bleed without feeling it, the pain far away. My fingers are chapped, my lips torn apart. But it will heal, so it's fine. Nothing new there, anyway. Things are happening around me. Friends of family dying, family being reckless, family not understanding the danger they're in. Family wanting to be blind to it all. I eat more skin off my fingers, more off my lips. The scent of lavender is calming, soothing, and I give in. Keep trying to unwind my spine, but excuses prevent my family from helping me get help. It's happening more than usual, but it's not really anything new. I can't watch anything without my family referencing politics, or anything really, that I'm trying to escape from. Don't they know it's to escape? To get away from this world, even just for an hour? So that's new. Everything else is the same for me. I don't feel trapped in my house. I just don't want to go outside. I leave three times a week. My homework is lagging, but it stays the same. I keep scratching and picking til I bleed, but bandages and lavender are there for me. Nothing is normal, but it's all the same.
Do YOU read your Bible? Do you support the local church or lead one? Do you pray daily? Do you know how to pray and read your Bible? Do you fellowship with any other believers regularly? Would you want for me to pray for you for any reason? Do you need prayer?
One thing everyone has had is a crush, no matter how big or small. How do you go about it, especially if the feeling is mutual...or at least you think and hope it is. That is what I'm currently trying to figure out. One of my good (male) friends has suddenly caught my attention and I have to figure out what to do with him everyday. Let me just say High School is NOT how I thought it was going to be. Movies make it seem like everything is just so easy, you see a girl, you ask her out and BAM, everything is great. No, wrong, do not listen to those lovey dovey high school love stories. Instead, you get scared of rejection and messing up a friendship that you don't want to lose. I like to imagine he feels the same way, we both take alternate roots to classes just to catch a glimpse of the other in the hall. We sit right next to each other in lunch everyday and make "casual" skin contact. Secret inside jokes and smiles are only just the beginning, or so one can hope. If anyone has a love interest, I wish you could luck and bid you happiness in a blooming relationship.
What do you need for a happy life? A big TV, a mansion, or maybe just plain old cash. To some beliefs of others, our world does not just consist of money. There are unexpected moments and memories that a person has. It could even be of the most simplest things; playing with your dog, playing cards with friends or even just watching a movie with your family. Life isn't always easy or enjoyable, that's just common knowledge, but having those who support and love you close by, can help make the difficult times better. We all face and struggle in situations that aren't ideal, but how can we change that? You're grasping at straws trying to shove knowledge down your throat for you next test, what can those around you do to help you? Maybe you just need a study buddy, call up a friend, or maybe you just need a break to relax, go out to dinner with your parents. How can you have any enjoyment of life if you don't stop to breathe at some point? Your shoulders aren't big enough to handle the entirety of the world on your own. Now how does this relate to the happy memories I was talking about? If you don't let yourself take a breath, then how will you have time to make those special moments? I know you're thinking, I can plan a vacation or a date tonight and make all the memories I want,. That is very true, but do you only want planned or extravagant memories, and do you not want to know what will can happen when you do go for that dinner with your parents? Take a break and find out, you may end up having a great time and make memories that you didn't event think you could! Later when your celebrating a birthday or an anniversary, turn to your family and say, do you remember that time when we went out for dinner and .... The simplest memory can come back and bring smiles to every ones face. So, I say just try and take life by the hand and spend time with anyone and everyone and see what it can bring to you.
Last night: Surprise Mountains. Last night I went my local library with my worker to hear a lecture what I though was about safari. It would have been good just like that but I go a peleasant big surprise... it wasn't to just about the safari but about Mount Kilimanjaro and high altitude mountaineering. I learn about the different classifications of mountains. There are high, high altitude, the sucker that I want climb, Everest was exstreme altitudes and the symptoms of others altitude sickness headed, not thinking straight, breathing problems and hallucinations (that one is a shocker but I am not a chicken.) during the whole time I never been so nuts and smiled so much in my life. For me I want to climb Everest for PTSD awareness and acceptance and K2 for cancer research (that one is my for my mother and father).
A person is missing. The person has been missing for a long time. That is what people claim. No matter to whom I talk to I can understand that that person means a lot for them. They have such a strong intention to find that person and they give description of that person with a big pleasure using the most beautiful words and expressing the most positive emotions. Surprisingly, none of them mentions that person's name, age and gender. From people's intention I have concluded that there must be something special about him/her that makes him/her so distinctive. But what it might be? Personality? Beauty? Social status? Who is “that” person? A superman? A wonder woman? I have had a lot of questions. To find it out I have tried to analyze all information that I was given and make a possible image of him/her. (Further, P – that person). Starting with P's appearance, people have told lots of things about P's attractiveness. So, P is gorgeous. P has beautiful eyes with “fire” in them that spread warmth to surrounding, has a voice that expresses words full of wisdom that give hope to interlocutor's heart and make their life path a colourful rainbow, and a beautiful smile that somehow makes the world a better place. Turning to the personal traits, I have found out that P is a hard-working and smart person with interests that cover different areas of science and art. P is that exact person who can leave his/her warm bed in the morning and wash his/her face with icy water, go outside to work out and build muscles despite of the pain that exercises bring because he/she knows that this is the best way to keep own health in good state. Furthermore, P can stay late at work because he/she knows for sure that only working hard enables him/her to achieve more. P avoids mouth-watering meal if it is unhealthy. Being beloved by family, friends and even strangers because of his/her personality, P is far from self praise. Moreover, P prefers simple things even when his/her wealth can let P the most luxury things. His/her high intelligence and well manner is easily noticed from the first moments of communication. “What a person!” - my brain has shouted. “I need to see that person.”- I have thought to myself. Then... Then I have understood one thing... That person is missing. Actually, that person has been missing for a long time. Now, that is what I claim. That person is missing inside of us. P is whom we want to become, best version of us. Some people want to be fit and healthy, while others strive to reach success. Some of us want to have a big circle of friends and have a loving family, while for others erudition is prioritized. We have a big intention to find that person, but we do little work for it. And the chance to find P is vanishing with every single moment when trembling hands holding door handle end up not opening it, when great ideas and the most important words remain unexpressed, when staying in lower position seems better than taking responsibilities because it is more safety, when blaming people seems easier than trying to understand them. The chance to see that person in the mirror keeps vanishing every time when lying on the sofa is preferable than leaving one's cozy place and pushing oneself to work out, when stucking on own mistakes and other's betrayal dominates letting the situation go. We are all looking for our best side so hardly that we have forgotten that the person whom we want to become cannot be found, it can be created only with daily laborious work. That person is already over here. The thing that must be done is to shape him or her.
