He said to me, “I don't know why anyone wouldn't love you”. It wasn't a question. The old man wasn't asking about past loves. He simply stated it. Out of the blue. As I wrapped the blood pressure cuff around his forearm because his upper arm was too fat. It caught me off guard. And he noticed the tilt in my head and squint in my eyes as the words passed through my ears. How does one respond to that. Especially here, at work, in the hospital. Was he being inappropriate or just trying to be nice? Whichever he was, it left me with a pit in my stomach. “I don't know why anyone wouldn't love you”. We hadn't spoke of my love life. Maybe he noticed there was no ring on my finger. How could he know of a love I loved but did not love me back? He didn't. He didn't know there was someone he was speaking about when he said those words to me. A few moments passed, and as I took off the blood pressure cuff I had a response. “I guess I haven't met the right person yet”. It was a better response than “I don't know”. And I thought it would be satisfying to the old man. Just enough thought to entertain him, but not enough to continue this conversation. An art I have mastered. But to my dismay, he continued on. “So you are picky?” Now I was beginning to think this was dancing on the lines of inappropriate. So I told myself I would give him one more answer then this conversation would be over and I would leave. I have never let a man know me enough to truly love me, though he may have thought he did. He was in love with the mask I so carefully crafted. Until time wore down its corners and it began peeling away. He realized that in fact it was not me he was in love with at all. These thoughts never left. But as I left the old man's room, I fluffed his pillow one more time, turned down the lights, looked him in the eyes gave him a smile and said, “I'll be back to check on you in an hour.” Then pulled the curtain and shut the door behind me.

Read the rest of this ......starts in medias res Also check that poem out(sort of a poem) .....its rough and possibly rhymes to close together like a a b b b b b .....also, its You as in, singing it to A girl, that i havealready met(r____ would be the only potential one) or a girl I have not met(most likely)... it would suck to never fall in love it is the truth i feel right now.... it makes my writing miss the romantic side, and for me thats a big side..a muse would apply here lol ... They could trigger the perfectionist, drive, and sensitive in me ... but the pitfall is they can also trigger the obsessive thinking to much loving tendency, & overly insecure side....... I tend to be attracted to the more dominate or artist girls( smarter dominate girls like H_____& R_____ they were not afraid to kick asses ) ..... or Artist like L____ (ballet & Art) understanding me better and far more interesting..I guess I loved her the most but as my past record shows,my love grows too quickly and even when theirs grows equallyas fast , at a certain point theirs will slow or cap out and mine keeps on growing into an obsessive love, they cant match, they get sick of me, & within 2 months its bye bye...... (obssesive LOVE, because it is not an obssesive sexual thoughts, it is just thr loving definitions without a limit, and beyond annoying) However, i WAS untreated Bipolar back then, NOW i AM treated so maybe it would be different, but i have a feeling it is my imagination & mind that turns me into The Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock ..... I imagine every scenario and It is always the sad outcomes that come tru(not the worst tho) unless the multi-verse of quantum physics is real, but in that guess I have split myself for every scenario I have imagined... The only thing that sucks is, my imagination is not able to deceive myself into taking action, be it is able to stop me from moving...but luckily thru fantasy, I can escape without moving ...but it cant replace what I miss the most and that has always been Love Although, one of my fears is, it was my Manic Side that got the girlfriend but it was my normal state that they left....after all, the manic side is the confident side....imagine how sad that would be, Why move?, I already know the results, just like I know I will probably never make it as a writer .. If there is a God or Gods, I would like to ask, yo whats the deal, why do i exist and more importantly what the hell? Like come on dude really, no one at all, u supplied no matches for me..and all i wanted as a kid was to fall in love...How the heck do i keep my fire burning if I have no matches to start the fire in the first place.... At least Now I am able to deal with that aspect now that I am older, it is not a Need like it was when i was younger, its all just A want now.....