- Who are you when no one's looking? Find the answer and we'll come back to our conversation, - I was told long time ago. As we know, everything takes place for a reason. Let me take you to the journey of a mindset change. Initially I associated the term quarantine with fear, hesitancy and negativity. In case of following this path, it could lead to the lowest point of life. And as it happened to be true, quarantine became part of our life in a pretty unexpected way. Want it or not, but it makes an impact. In my case the impact was life-changing. Yet, don't rush with assumptions. After spending a while isolated, a quite unanticipated thought crossed my mind. It made me realize that there's a meeting I've been postponing for so long. This is the worst time to make it happen, so I'll go for it :) Despite the rules of staying at home during this dangerous period of quarantine I felt that it could no longer be on hold. The person I wanted to meet was the one who asked me the key question. Even though I didn't have the answer by that time, I knew I'd be welcomed anyway. Honestly, I wasn't ready mentally. The time was inappropriate. I didn't reach to the point when I could feel comfortable with that person. Is this feeling of insecurity familiar to you? When the person knows the REAL you. However, I dared to take my chance, cause especially this period turned the inner calmness into priority. We met. It was a long conversation filled with gloominess, uncertainty, frustration, patience, simplicity, joy, tranquility. Quarantine has this unique effect of forcing us to face our deepest fears, memories, thoughts. I mean the hidden ones. The ones we weren't able to notice before, because of our previous “busy” lifestyle. We all have multiple identities, simply said – versions of ourselves. Some are “proven” by society; therefore those are the ones we show to the rest of the world. Our family, friends, basically everyone recognizes us as THAT kind of person. Still there's one left. A real version remains undetected. The one we try to hide so determinedly. Probably, my initial assumption wasn't precise. Particularly when I claimed that the timing of this meeting wasn't the best one. Apparently, society's isolation set the true identity of mine free for a while. That was the moment when 2 puzzles combined. Eventually the fulfillment I felt afterwards made me realize that our inner peace and needed mental balance is held by facing The Person – the only version of ourselves shown only when no one is looking.

All over the world, the journey of a woman's life is predetermined by the patriarchal society we live in – it's not an opinion, but a fact. This restricted and claustrophobic journey is sadly amplified for those girls who are born in regular, unassuming and conventional families in developing countries like India. Although I was not born to conservative parents, their parents were very traditional. So, when I was born, a second daughter, my mother was subjected to a lot of emotional abuse from both of my grandparents. Not a great thing to learn when growing up, however, it does explain why I was never as close to my grandparents as my older sister and younger brother were. I don't know how this affected my subconscious?! Perhaps, me being fiercely independent from a very young age and a bit of a rebel would be a measured behavioural outcome of the knowledge that I had of how (un)loved and (un)wanted I was by my grandparents! Anyhow, getting to the crux of the story, I have always lived my life on my terms “unapologetically”, but never used this term till it was made trendy by millennials. I worked from the age of 16, got my Bachelor's degree, left my country to pursue my Masters (1000s miles away from my home) in pursuit of freedom and independence when a lot of my peers were getting married. I got a job, lived on my own, fell in love and married to a “gora / gringo” (it wasn't a done thing at the time in my home country). All of these things were challenges in their own right, but I was never phased by them. Also, I love a good challenge, a classic trait of a rebel! I must add here, my parents and siblings always supported me at the end and stood by my decisions and even, celebrated them with me. As a child, I always dreamt of travelling the world, and I got to do that a lot with my loving partner-in-crime, my husband. However, as expected from a woman, once you're married with a job and a house, the prospect of producing an offspring was lingering over my head. Now, this expectation, isn't just limited to females from certain conventional families, it's an expectation from females, full stop. Apparently, a desire to procreate should come naturally to women…only I didn't feel that way. It took me weeks to gather courage to tell my husband that I didn't feel the need to leave a legacy behind – a child. I wasn't worried about telling him that I didn't want to use my female reproduction super powers (we share an open and transparent relationship), but what worried me was, what if he felt differently – could I bear to lose my best friend? We went to our favourite Italian restaurant and after a few glasses of wine (of course) I told him that I didn't want to be a parent, but, instead, I wanted to see the world with him! He listened to me patiently and, he replied, to my surprise, that he shared the same feelings, but didn't know how to say it. Well, needless to say I was greatly relieved! However, soon after I felt relieved, the thought of telling our parents about our decision took over and that, seemed like a huge mountain to climb. Remember, I said expectations! It's not “normal” for people to decide not to procreate – human instinct and all that. It was easy for me to tell my mother, as I tell her pretty much everything, but to tell my in-laws of our decision was very daunting. My mother took the news beautifully, as always, she supported my decision and said “as long as you both are happy, that's all it matters”. Eventually, we told our in-laws and although, it was far from easy, and it took them some time to come around our decision, they accepted it. The declaration of our decision to not procreate and overburden the planet which is already brimming with children, didn't limit to our family and friends, it's something we have to do on a regular basis by answering questions, “so, do you have children / when are you planning to have a little one / when are you going to start a family?”, to extended relatives, friends' families, neighbours, my hairdresser, my local café owner, strangers…the list is endless. I have been tempted at times to say “we've tried but to no avail” – you see, you get sympathy to that response, but not when you say you've chosen not to have a child – you get judged for it and are even called “selfish”. So, here are the questions I contemplate – why is it “normal” to want to have kids and not acceptable to choose not to? Also, why do we have to conform to the society and live our lives dictated by it? My husband and I chose, NOT to conform – we couldn't be happier and are living fulfilled lives. Years ago, I came across a very powerful saying that I always go back to when I am feeling lost and unsure - “If Not Now, When? If Not Me, Who?” I keep reminding myself not to worry about what others think and I continue to make life choices that I feel are right for me and I do that unapologetically.

Everything in life is about us. Theres nothing, not even the smallest action, decision or thought, that we do not take selfishly. Aware of it or not, direct or indirectly, everything is always about me, me, me and me. It's constantly me. But what happens when we are not self-confidence? When we don't believe in ourselfs and I don't love me enough? Then we search for someone, someone who will give us the love and acceptance we don't give ouselfs. Someone who will make us feel good, alive for two seconds so that after he can make us drown, more and more deeply. We will ask ouselfs; what did I do wrong? why me? We are going to try to swim, get out, but the tide will be way to strong, there will be to much pain and we are gonna drown even more. It will hurt, there will be days where we just want to die and stop fighting becaouse it is easier. There will be a moment, where we will give up, we won't want to fight anymore, we will be tired. We will let all the water fill our lungs, carry us wherever it wants. Days will pass by, weeks, months..but one day, we will finally understand how it works and step by step, little by little we will start to swim. We will figure out that we first need to let all the pain in so that then we can get to know how it feels and works, so that we can fight it. Only that way we will be able to learn from it, grow strong and love ourselfs a little more every day. There will be a day, when we won't need anyone to feel loved, valued and to smile. We will be the one deciding what to do and how to do it. If there is a day, when a special someone arrives, someone who we feel like is worthy of our love, we are gonne let him in. But it is not gonna be becouse we need to feel loved, but becouse we want to share the life we have built up with that one person. It will be becouse WE want to.

As an high school student, I feel as though it's more important to choose the path of college readiness over career readiness. It's more about finding who you are, and who you want to be in your adulthood. The Washington Post reported in 2014 that “only 27% of college grads have a job related to their major.” Who's to say the career you're preparing for is the one for you? If you get college ready then you'll also be preparing for any career through the process. When building the skills you need for a career. If you're not prepared for college, how can you be prepared to take that job as a nurse, doctor, psychologist or whatever the choice? Going to college will open doors to increased salary potential, better career options, and better chances for personal growth that a person just can't get any other way. Before you can choose a career, oneself will have to know what type of person they are and who they want to be. You have to know your limits, skills and what you specialize in. You have to set goals for yourself, and learn how to accomplish those goals. The college experience helps you find who you are. While being out on your own, you'll become in contact with many different situations where you'll have to decide what's best for you on your own and even if you can't, in college you'll have someone who will help you blossom into who you want to be. In the process of finding who you are, college helps you build the skills necessary for having any job. Such as communication, responsibility, time management, leadership and research. There's even many more skills you'd never know you could gain through your experience. For example, “The first skill that I leveraged on my résumé and in my professional work life was research and data analysis. Every college student has had to research and analyze data at some point in their college career. This skill is used in professional settings to evaluate a multitude of key performance indicators”(Melissa Suzno, 2014). Those skills will help you when applying for jobs, setting up schedules and adjusting to the everyday life as an adult. College will leave an affect on you, you'll never forget. After college, when you begin to take on the world, you'll notice so many things you've learned in college relate to everyday situations. When filling out job applications, so many jobs will look at you and take interest in you just because you have a degree. Most college grads don't have to stress about being unemployed because nowadays it's easier for them to work in many places. Now that they've learned time management, they'll know when they have time to relax and do things such as; working out, visiting friends, etc. You may wonder, “Why go to college? Why not go to trade school.”? Trade schools are beneficial but they offer fewer career options. College graduates that excel in their fields can earn more beneficial long-term income than trade school graduates. I feel as though, trade schools are the easy way out. People go to trade schools because they don't feel like spending money or going to school for a long time. If you are lazy about going to school, who's to say you're not going to be lazy about your career? You have to put in the hard work and spend a little money, to make money. As long as you're staying consistent in high school and on top of your work, earning scholarships for college will be easy for you. It all starts with you. Your future starts with you. No one can tell you how to live, they can only give you advice. Whether you've got your career picked out or not, from middle school to high school. Staying on top of your grades, being in extracurricular activities and many other things will get you noticed. They'll be people telling you go to a trade school to save money, because college isn't worth it or they don't believe you should tie yourself down to one school. It's up to you to believe in yourself, you have to know your worth. Trade schools accept any and everyone, but to get college offers by big colleges and even colleges you never heard of makes you feel like a star. Not only do colleges see potential in you, but if you're a hard worker, they'll pay for you to come to their college. I've made my choice, now it's up to you to decide.