Let's have a chat, shall we? We all hear the anti-bullying organizations saying how much they will crack down on bullying, how schools are putting a zero tolerance policy in place, and how teachers will be more direct in dealing with bullies. Do these tactics even work? Is bully even the right word? It makes it sound so trivial. When you hear the word “bully”, the image you conjure up in your brain is one of a tall middle schooler shaking you down for lunch money. Not of someone who harasses you day in and day out for every little thing you do. Someone who makes your academic life a living nightmare solely depending on what you are interested in and/or what you look like. Overweight? Look forward to people calling you fatty for years simply because the one person who did it has more friends than you. Like to draw? If you are seated next to anyone who has the slightest amount of hate for you, be prepared to block any so-called “accidental” pencil markings heading your way. Band? Maybe you can try to lessen the blows a bit by not trying out for marching. Combine all that and you're a walking, talking bulls-eye. At this moment, I have been out of high school for 6 years. While high school was indeed hell, the worst experiences I've had with “bullies” happened in middle school. May sound like a cliché, but gym class really can end up as a perfect opportunity for a “bully” to act. What is not cliché is while most of the class is running around barefoot on the court under the ever so vigilant gym teacher who is sitting in the corner with their nose in their phone, the “bullies” make their way to the locker room where they pour a cup of their own piss onto your tennis shoes. You find out at the end of class in the locker room along with everyone else and the only two people who are laughing at you. Despite being found out, they claim they did not do it so you go home with your shoes in a plastic bag like nothing ever happened. But as you know, one child out of a whole class walking out of the gym and onto the bus with their shoes in a bag is not a cause for any concern by a teacher. Let's fast forward a bit; my family moves to another state in my last year of middle school. I, of course, I am ecstatic at the idea of leaving my old middle school life behind and start fresh. So what happens? Singled out by a girl with a posse due to my weight issues and when I reach my limit, I make it physical and push her. Once again, this happened during a gym class. While there was a teacher present, the only thing they did was tell us to stop and to get back to our activities. After that class, the girl decided to tell everyone that, instead of a push, I touched her breasts. It spread like wildfire and for the next few weeks, nearly every girl I passed in the hall crossed her arms over her chest and/or called me a lesbian. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a lesbian, but the fact is that I was being called something I was not and accused of something I did not do. When classes were over in this school, students walked to their next class in lines; teachers standing guard by their doors. Absolute negligence is the only reason something like this could have gone without action. It did go one step further with my mother arriving at the school and having a conversation with the guidance counselor about it, but the other girl was never brought in for the conversation. I don't recall much after that since my family moved back to our home state. From then on it was mainly being called fat; being asked out as a joke, and having multiple drawings messed with or destroyed for my four years of high school. Where am I going with all of this? Zero tolerance policies only work when the school has hired staff who actually care about the students, their mental well-being, and who continue to do so. During my time in the two middle schools and one high school I have attended, not a single teacher had interfered in a considerable way in any instances involving “bullies”. I get it, working with dozens of children for most of your days gets exhausting and annoying. But you have a duty to perform, not only as an educational provider, but as a caregiver. This sort of harassment cannot be completely avoided. But when it does happen and you notice it, or a child comes to you for help, the correct response is not simply “Knock it off and get back to your seat.” Telling that to students does not mean nothing will ever happen again after that or that something else between them is not going on. Harassment needs to be stopped at the source, which is informing the parents and having them take the action necessary to correct their child's behavior. Now not every parent is going to do this since every now and then you have those that believe their child can do no wrong, but the ones who do will make a greater impact in the nature of harassment and ending the instances nearly as soon as they arise.
It was happening when I lost my believed in love and miracle but my present boyfriend appeared like a hero in the movie.At first I was hard to get his heart open but after a few month the miracle happen he started to love me more and more and than he try to learn how to deal with a girl.He made me cried again and again but I tried my best to teach him how to deal with me and vice versa.Even if he was bad in love matter,he got more experience life than me. After hearing my whole story,he told me that what I did was wrong.All of these time I was just trying to please others without thinking of myself and just went with the flow of the people around me.He told me that I should not try to change how those people act toward me or even try to impress them. He told me to be myself,try to change myself to become better rather than changing how people think toward me so people will change their view of me and also their attitude toward me. He said that this is the only way to become an independent person.At that time I didn't believe what he tried to tell me and still acted as I always did. Even all of those hard times with my family and school life that he had to get through with me,he still stayed with me all the time that no one could ever do.He supported me with everything he got and finally I passed my high school exam.I expected that after I step my feet in this new life as a college student,I would have a better independent and a bunch of new friend that could walk with me through these four years of college life.But my boyfriend still told me that finishing high school doesn't mean life will become easier,each phases of life that complete will replaced by a new hard one.The only thing that can makes us feel it is not as hard as it seems to be, is to become a stronger person by ourselves.Everything got harder and many assignments were standing up a row to put their pressure on me. I started to understand what my boyfriend wanted to tell me, so I tried to study even harder and got many good results that really satisfied me for just a moment. At school,I tried to become friendly as much as possible and sometimes I acted as a funny person to get more attention in the hope of getting more friends and experience a new happier life than I was in high school. Despite the fact that I tried this hard, I got more haters than friends.I still got abused at home and still feel that I got no place to go beside my boyfriend. Whenever I felt upset, I always wanted to meet my boyfriend and he was always there by myself.Each time I met him I always told him everything that happened recently. I told him that even if I tried this hard, but my life still gain nothing in return. If it was not for him I wouldn't have any reason to live anymore. He hugged me and told me again to be just myself and real friends will come into my life.By got affected of his influence, in my second year of college life I started to do as he told me step by step and the result was incredibly great. I found many new friends that I had never got to feel anything like this before. They showed me what true friend is and how to enjoy life at school even it was hard to get through. By getting help of my boyfriend I won in a writing competition as rank 10th and got some rewards from the owner of the competition and my university. I became many teachers' favorite student and no one in class got jealous of me like before. My parents started to change their attitude toward and acknowledge that I had become more mature and started to accept my opinion more than before. I started to understand what my boyfriend tried to tell me and I was really appreciated for what he had done for me this whole time. I told him that everything had become better now. He said that he was really happy that he was the only person that I could lean on whenever I feel helpless. He wanted to be selfish too but it would be unfair for me. I am a human being so I deserve to be more independent in life and got many counteraction with many people. I will be got less time to spend with him but he was still happy that I found my own happiness and new goal in life beside just depend on him alone. He told me that even if he will be with me forever but he won't be with me all the time. So he wanted me to become an independent person and can depend on other people beside him in any situation. Thank to him that showed me what the true meaning of Independent and happiness. Even if it is not going smoothly as I want but it still going slowly and step by step my future will be a bright place that I couldn't imagine that I could get in to this stage if compare to what I had done and met in the past. Don't try to become someone else just for a purpose of going along with the flow of people around you. Try to be yourself as much as possible! Real happiness will come into your life with the real you. And that is the time that you can know that you can become an independent person as what you wanted to be.