I wanted to write something about how I met my sister, here it is. My sister and I, never knew each other in person. Face to face. An online game brought us together. We met through an online game and became amazing friends. After about a year, I got discord. I told her and we gave each other our usernames and tags and friended each other on there. We started texting on there and soon enough, we began to call. We showed our faces to each other. And all that other sh^^. But while we went on this, things did go hard us. I developed big big anxiety and depression, but was also suicidal. My sister goes through countless amounts of abuse. Verbal, and sometimes physical. I wish I could get a flight and fly to Italy and bring her back here but. I'm only a Minor. And, I'm not sure if I am able to. I live in the United States. Were 5,000 kilometors away from each other. That's almost half the world. I began to cut myself and plan my death. I told her all about it. She told me "no, I can't loose you, your family can't loose you." And so, I gave up on dying. She began to do the same thing she had told me not to do. So I told her the same thing. Noah is the oldest sibling in her house while I am the youngest. I have 1 older brother and thats it. Until I met her. I now have 1 older brother, 1 younger brother, and 2 little sisters. (She's 11, I'm 15) I promised her that, if she ever sacrificed herself. I would either live on and carry on her story and the sacrifice she made. Or, I would give up to be with her again. We made the promise to eventually have her come to live with me and my girlfriend (future wife) and she said she's bringing her girlfriend as well. Of course I want her to be happy but I said, "She can come, but you 2 are sharing a room." My final choice. I love my sister dearly, I wish for her to come now and be a part of my life. Once she turns 18, my birthday present to her are plane tickets to Florida. One for her, and one for her girlfriend. When I know that they are flying in, I will pick them up, bring them home. Let them get settled in. And get them used to the city. My girlfriend and I have agreed to this together and agreed with negotiations, and rules. We gonna need a big house.

Best friend. Everyone defines ‘'best friend'' in different ways. Some peoples' best friend is their mother, some peoples' are their dogs, some of theirs are books, some of theirs are their siblings. ''Best friend'' can change from person to person, but the main point is always the same; best friend is who you are happier with. Who you can be creative around them. Who makes you feel safe. My best friend was my piano teacher, Murat Arman. I knew him for long years. I knew he was going to be my best friend when I first met him. But what happens when you lost your best friend, your happy place? The first time I've ever seen him was at my school. He was so tall and had a black scarf. I still remember how my class was so afraid of him because he seemed so cold and stern. I'm not going to lie, that day I was afraid of him too. But then, when I got the chance to meet him, I realized he was not cold, actually, he was so funny and sweet. He loved children, and he loved his job as well. He was so talented and had too many students. I was so glad that he was my teacher. When I was 14, I was studying for an exam that was at the end of the year. I was so nervous and all I was thinking about was that exam. I was still going to my piano course, though. I never wanted to quit. But I couldn't do the homework that teacher Murat gave me, because I had no time. Teacher Murat realized that, and instead of yelling at me like other piano teachers I knew, he said ‘'you know what, let's not put so much pressure on you. I know you have to focus on your exam, so you don't have to do the homework I'm giving to you. You can come here to just stay away from your school stresses, but it's only for this year, because I really want you to be a great pianist. I know you are working so hard but you have to give yourself some place. We can create this place for you here, every Friday.'' I was really thankful for him for saying that because I was feeling bad that I wasn't doing his homework. From that day on, we started to talk for 40 minutes, and study for 20 minutes in our lessons. He knew everything about me. He was like family to me, and he was always saying ‘'I'm so glad you came, I was really bored today, we can have fun now.'' I remember that I cried multiple times when I was with him. He always knew how to cheer me up. He was always there for me during my worst times and he really made me love playing the piano. In March 2020, Covid-19 was seen in our country for the first time. Everyone was in a panic, no one knew what to do. The schools were online, and we couldn't go out for a long time. I had to quit the course. I was so sad that I had to. I talked with teacher Murat and he said ‘'I'm sad that you cannot come but it's OK. I hope you can come back here as soon as possible.'' I really hoped that too, but I couldn't ever go back there. On November 24, 2020 (National Teachers' Day in Turkey), it was the last time I spoke to Murat Teacher. He was so happy that I called, and he thought I was coming back to the class, I told him I was going to visit him but sadly, the pandemic was not over so I couldn't. On April 22 2021, my mom came to my room and she was trying not to cry. I was so scared and asked what was wrong. She started crying and said teacher Murat was dead. I still cannot forget how my mom said that to me, how her voice was shaking, and how I was shocked. At first, I thought she was joking and I started laughing because I didn't think it could be real. In 10 seconds, I realized it was real and I started crying. I cannot tell you how much I cried. I cried for days. No one could stop me from crying. He was my best friend, he was the most talented person I've ever known and most importantly I made a promise to him that I was going to visit him and now he was gone. My best friend was gone. It was so hard for me to accept it. I still cannot accept it, but I'm trying to move on because I know he would want me to move on if he was alive. He would tell me to be strong and even make jokes about it. So, instead of crying all day, I started to try to move on. After 2 weeks, I went out, made new friends, studied. Losing my best friend was losing my memories, my happiness but instead of being so sad about the fact that he's gone, I learnt to be thankful for I had the chance for meeting him and spend so many times with him. Now I'm doing much better, and my life goal is to make him proud of me.

“Ana.”   I wait for her fun-loving smile to appear.  It doesn't.  “Ana…” I try again, softer.  Still nothing.    Cautiously, I venture, “Hey… what's going on? ...  Ana…?”  She shifts.  I can see that she's clearly not okay.  My heart, just in these last ten seconds, has taken on the same weight as hers is bearing.   I don't even know what it is.  I know she won't talk, but she's not going to do this alone.  “Come here,” I whisper gently.  Ah, that works.  She lets me hold her tight; long and tight.  She clings to me.   We'll be here awhile.  I love her.  I'd hold her for as long as she needed it. “Eye-luvoo so mush.”  My voice is muffled in her shoulder, but she knows exactly what I'm saying.  “Eye-luvoo too,” she manages.  I squeeze tighter.  After a good, long time, we let go.  I take both of her hands and look into my best friend's eyes with so much love.  More than I've ever loved anyone in my life...  I cast my eyes back down, giving her respect.  Still so there, yet honoring her inclination to process in privacy.  Privacy coated in the comforting, present support of your best friend.  The security of them utterly not knowing, yet profoundly knowing nonetheless, and feeling it right beside you.  Never alone.   We sit together, quietly bearing the weight of the world hand in hand.  Inside ourselves, processing, yet hearts beating inside each other's. Stronger this way.   Ana and I. The most roaring wordless message a friend can ever give:  I'm here.   A flash of eye contact checks in every now and then.  Tender empathy. Sisterhood, unbreakable and ever-present.  Before long, I pull her back in for another hug.  We just go back and forth, hugs and hands, until the funk passes and love settles in its place.  I pray silently, and occasionally my plea to God becomes audible. I never know what I'm addressing, but I just give her all the love I know how to give, and I feel the weight of her heart beside her.  She is not alone. I will make sure of this.  I'm still hugging her, all the while aware that I will never know exactly what's going on, what she's thinking, what set off these emotions, or even quite what they are.  We'll never talk about this, and we don't have to. She is hugging back so hard that I know this is all she needs right now. Just love.   I don't know all that Ana goes through.  But I do know how to hold her tight and love her with all my heart.   At the end of the day, that's all she needed from me — to be loved.   Accepted.   Held.   Cherished.   Safe.   So I make my embrace a safe place for her.  A place where she knows she can let it all out.  She deserves it.  She's my best friend.  “I love you so much, girly,” I say, my words clear this time as I pull away and take a good look at her as only a best friend can.  I beam. Her sunshine has come back.  “I love you too,” Ana replies.  

“Ana.”   I wait for her fun-loving smile to appear.  It doesn't.  “Ana…” I try again, softer.  Still nothing.    Cautiously, I venture, “Hey… what's going on? ...  Ana…?”  She shifts.  I can see that she's clearly not okay.  My heart, just in these last ten seconds, has taken on the same weight as hers is bearing.   I don't even know what it is.  I know she won't talk, but she's not going to do this alone.  “Come here,” I whisper gently.  Ah, that works.  She lets me hold her tight; long and tight.  She clings to me.   We'll be here awhile.  I love her.  I'd hold her for as long as she needed it. “Eye-luvoo so mush.”  My voice is muffled in her shoulder, but she knows exactly what I'm saying.  “Eye-luvoo too,” she manages.  I squeeze tighter.  After a good, long time, we let go.  I take both of her hands and look into my best friend's eyes with so much love.  More than I've ever loved anyone in my life...  I cast my eyes back down, giving her respect.  Still so there, yet honoring her inclination to process in privacy.  Privacy coated in the comforting, present support of your best friend.  The security of them utterly not knowing, yet profoundly knowing nonetheless, and feeling it right beside you.  Never alone.   We sit together, quietly bearing the weight of the world hand in hand.  Inside ourselves, processing, yet hearts beating inside each other's. Stronger this way.   Ana and I. The most roaring wordless message a friend can ever give:  I'm here.   A flash of eye contact checks in every now and then.  Tender empathy. Sisterhood, unbreakable and ever-present.  Before long, I pull her back in for another hug.  We just go back and forth, hugs and hands, until the funk passes and love settles in its place.  I pray silently, and occasionally my plea to God becomes audible. I never know what I'm addressing, but I just give her all the love I know how to give, and I feel the weight of her heart beside her.  She is not alone. I will make sure of this.  I'm still hugging her, all the while aware that I will never know exactly what's going on, what she's thinking, what set off these emotions, or even quite what they are.  We'll never talk about this, and we don't have to. She is hugging back so hard that I know this is all she needs right now. Just love.   I don't know all that Ana goes through.  But I do know how to hold her tight and love her with all my heart.   At the end of the day, that's all she needed from me — to be loved.   Accepted.   Held.   Cherished.   Safe.   So I make my embrace a safe place for her.  A place where she knows she can let it all out.  She deserves it.  She's my best friend.  “I love you so much, girly,” I say, my words clear this time as I pull away and take a good look at her as only a best friend can.  I beam. Her sunshine has come back.  “I love you too,” Ana replies.  

Buckley's family makes pierogi, polish dumplings, annually on Christmas Eve. Being so close to them, I was stoked when asked to participate. Walking in wearing my Elf onesie, I brought a bread roller and a pervading excitement. Our venture began making the dough. With “Walking in a Winter Wonderland” in the background, we placed the ingredients onto the table, and the fiasco began. After creating the flour, we folded the dough and put it into the refrigerator. Moving onto filling, we talked about soccer, colleges, and traditions. As the day went on, it was filled with smiles, great food, and terrible dad jokes. While it was all I had hoped for and more, I left with a sense of confusion and sadness. One moment had stumped me. Buckley's dad asked, “Riley, does your family have any traditions like this?” I pondered, hesitated, and replied, “You are very lucky to have moments like these.” After his question and seeing the bonds that Buckley had with her parents, I began to question my own. While Buckley and her parents shared stories, traditions, and emotions with each other, my parents and I failed to share anything beyond “How are your classes?”. I tried to recall the last time we spoke about anything of value or importance; I failed. Later that night, I felt like I couldn't tell my parents about my experience. I felt as I always had: I couldn't share with them my hopes, dreams, emotions. I saw them as probation officers--making sure I followed the rules. Our interactions: only artificial. I wanted to have bonds like Buckley's family, but I didn't know where to begin. I didn't know how to tell them that our relationship felt transactional and superficial. I didn't know how to say that while I loved every second of making pierogi, it was bittersweet because I envy the bonds Buckley has with her parents. I didn't know how to express myself or my feelings, so I locked them inside. I tried to hide them from others, from myself. Months passed; moments reminded me of my broken relationship, so I pushed it farther into the darkness. I began telling myself that on Christmas Eve I was sad because I didn't enjoy making pierogi. I buried it so far underneath lies to myself and others that I started to believe them. It was a Thursday in March when “Bang, bang, bang!” I walked to the door to see Buckley crying. I opened the door, and she stormed all the way to my room. As I walked into the bedroom, she closed the door behind me and said, “Why didn't you tell me you didn't like making pierogi? I thought you enjoyed cooking. I thought you enjoyed my family.” I froze. Then, I broke down in tears and told her everything. I told her how much I valued the cooking, her family, and our friendship. I told her why I had lied when others asked. I told her about my relationship with my parents, about my fear that I'll go off to college and never see them again besides holidays, about my fear that I'll never have the bonds she possesses. I was scared, unsure. As the words trickled out my mouth, so did my heart. As we talked, I began to see for the first time. I saw that it's acceptable for a man to be emotionally vulnerable. I saw how to accept and love someone despite their shortcomings. I saw my best friend, my world. The following day, I told my parents everything I had Buckley. I told them all my fears, goals, emotions. I told them where I felt our relationship was and where I thought it was going. We began down a path, unsure how to navigate, unsure where to go. So, we went deep: deep into our struggles, deep into our emotions, deep into our hearts.

It was happening when I lost my believed in love and miracle but my present boyfriend appeared like a hero in the movie.At first I was hard to get his heart open but after a few month the miracle happen he started to love me more and more and than he try to learn how to deal with a girl.He made me cried again and again but I tried my best to teach him how to deal with me and vice versa.Even if he was bad in love matter,he got more experience life than me. After hearing my whole story,he told me that what I did was wrong.All of these time I was just trying to please others without thinking of myself and just went with the flow of the people around me.He told me that I should not try to change how those people act toward me or even try to impress them. He told me to be myself,try to change myself to become better rather than changing how people think toward me so people will change their view of me and also their attitude toward me. He said that this is the only way to become an independent person.At that time I didn't believe what he tried to tell me and still acted as I always did. Even all of those hard times with my family and school life that he had to get through with me,he still stayed with me all the time that no one could ever do.He supported me with everything he got and finally I passed my high school exam.I expected that after I step my feet in this new life as a college student,I would have a better independent and a bunch of new friend that could walk with me through these four years of college life.But my boyfriend still told me that finishing high school doesn't mean life will become easier,each phases of life that complete will replaced by a new hard one.The only thing that can makes us feel it is not as hard as it seems to be, is to become a stronger person by ourselves.Everything got harder and many assignments were standing up a row to put their pressure on me. I started to understand what my boyfriend wanted to tell me, so I tried to study even harder and got many good results that really satisfied me for just a moment. At school,I tried to become friendly as much as possible and sometimes I acted as a funny person to get more attention in the hope of getting more friends and experience a new happier life than I was in high school. Despite the fact that I tried this hard, I got more haters than friends.I still got abused at home and still feel that I got no place to go beside my boyfriend. Whenever I felt upset, I always wanted to meet my boyfriend and he was always there by myself.Each time I met him I always told him everything that happened recently. I told him that even if I tried this hard, but my life still gain nothing in return. If it was not for him I wouldn't have any reason to live anymore. He hugged me and told me again to be just myself and real friends will come into my life.By got affected of his influence, in my second year of college life I started to do as he told me step by step and the result was incredibly great. I found many new friends that I had never got to feel anything like this before. They showed me what true friend is and how to enjoy life at school even it was hard to get through. By getting help of my boyfriend I won in a writing competition as rank 10th and got some rewards from the owner of the competition and my university. I became many teachers' favorite student and no one in class got jealous of me like before. My parents started to change their attitude toward and acknowledge that I had become more mature and started to accept my opinion more than before. I started to understand what my boyfriend tried to tell me and I was really appreciated for what he had done for me this whole time. I told him that everything had become better now. He said that he was really happy that he was the only person that I could lean on whenever I feel helpless. He wanted to be selfish too but it would be unfair for me. I am a human being so I deserve to be more independent in life and got many counteraction with many people. I will be got less time to spend with him but he was still happy that I found my own happiness and new goal in life beside just depend on him alone. He told me that even if he will be with me forever but he won't be with me all the time. So he wanted me to become an independent person and can depend on other people beside him in any situation. Thank to him that showed me what the true meaning of Independent and happiness. Even if it is not going smoothly as I want but it still going slowly and step by step my future will be a bright place that I couldn't imagine that I could get in to this stage if compare to what I had done and met in the past.   Don't try to become someone else just for a purpose of going along with the flow of people around you. Try to be yourself as much as possible! Real happiness will come into your life with the real you. And that is the time that you can know that you can become an independent person as what you wanted to be.

When I was younger I was very angry. I was broken. I was hurt. I was very sensitive. I didn't know what to do with myself. As time passed, I was able to lessen my anger and my sensitivity. All of my emotions were gone. I was numb. I was so tired of being hurt and feeling like I didn't matter. I was tired of being here. I couldn't do it anymore. I really didn't have any friends. I was alone. It was like that all through middle school. Then one-day things started to change for me. I met this girl. She was amazing. She was there for me when I thought that no one else would. Even in a short amount of time, she was able to make me feel again. She became my best friend. I started to feel love, kindness, and hope. I was started to feel again. I have been hurt by people I thought cared about me all my life, but then this girl came into my life and changed everything. My heart started to mend and become whole again. I'm still putting the pieces of my heart back together again, but she sure did help a lot. She was there for me through the good, the bad, the happy, and the sad. I have never had a friend like that. She means a lot to me. SHe helped me be more sensitive, more caring, more patient, and loving. I still have a lot to learn about caring for people, but she has helped a lot. She has helped me be the person I am today...