I am going to talk about adoptions and adoption issues. Let me make one thing clear, you can not talk about adoptions unless you have been adopted. Not from an adoptee point of view, anyway. Adopted parents cannot possibly feel what their adopted child feels. My adoption was an older child adoption. I was 7 when my adoption began. I was 8 when it was finalized.\n\nNot all adoptions are equal. Meaning, not all adoptees live happily ever after! Adoption should not be your first option! Being responsible should be your first option. Taking responsibility means not giving your child to a complete stranger. Put your child above yourself!\n\nBefore anyone starts to bash on me, let me explain my reasons for my zero adoption beliefs. We live in a time where there are loads of other options. Birth control is the best of those options. The morning after pill! Don't want to take any chances? Don't think you are ready for parenthood? Then for goodness sake, do something about it! Don't get pregnant! These options were not available back in the day. They are now!\n\nAbortion is NOT an option! Don't kill your baby! I have absolutely NO tolerance for abortions! Watch videos made by abortion survivors. You won't want to make that choice after you do! One Video here! Abortion survivor article here! There may be extreme cases where an abortion could be the only way. The abortion choice should not be a go-to choice!\n\nThe family should be the first choice for an unplanned baby. Remember this is a baby! A tiny person who had no say. Adoption should be your last choice. Abortion should not be a choice! In this day and age, abortions should not even be an option anymore. It's very sad that our world has chosen to be so selfish that people do not consider the effects of their actions!\n\nMy adoption took place in the 70s. I was taken away from my irresponsible mother. This is not the 70s! It's 2019 people! It is completely acceptable nowadays to NOT want children. Apparently, my entire family was full of selfish adults. Not a single family member on either side of my family offered to help my father save me from adoption. You see, my father was in the Navy. He could not just quit the Navy to take care of me. Hopefully, if you are thinking of asking family for help, there will be someone to step up for you.\n\nDNA testing will give you up! That my friend is the biggest reason to rethink your selfishness. Do you say your pregnancy was a mistake? Do you say you were raped? So many women claim they had no choice. It was the hardest choice they ever made. Why was it the hardest choice you ever made? Seriously. I say, \\"Nowadays both of those situations could have not created a baby\\". In the case of rape, hospitals and counseling should automatically offer the morning after pill as a part of therapy! Again, this is a baby, we are talking about! A tiny person who never had a say! Again, there are way more choices nowadays! There are no excuses anymore! Your baby will find you. Thanks to DNA testing!\n\nThe life you decide to give your adopted baby could be good, or it could not be so good. Think of it this way. You carried your baby full term. You felt your baby kick and move. After you gave birth to your baby there was nothing! No baby to hold in your arms! Your baby was handed to a stranger! They took your baby home. Those adopted parents are now the parents to your baby. You gave birth to your baby, but you are not on that baby's birth certificate. Adopted children go to people who can afford to buy them. Money does not mean your baby will have a happy life. My adopted parents had money. Ya know, actually, my adopted parents didn't have the money to buy me. My adopted grandparents gave my parents the money to buy me. My adopted mother saw that as her right to abuse me. Every day! Sure your baby might not have to go through that.\n\nGranted, I was an older child. I was not given up. I was taken from my mother. The end result was the same for me. Someone paid for me. I had to take two DNA tests to figure out who I belonged to at the time of my birth. I spent at least 50 years trying to make sense of my life. 50 years! Let that sink in! I was 54 years old when I was able to grieve the death of my father! I was 54 years old when I found my big sister and brother. I was 54 years old when I was finally able to find peace. I was 38 years old when I stepped up for my grandchildren. Their mother is an addict. I was determined not to let my grandchildren go through what I did. I never asked for the life I had. I was forced to live with other peoples actions. Do the right thing whatever your situation is. Protect those who have no voice! The little person! Don't strip away the rights of that baby! That's not a choice. Adoption is a cop out! Not a choice!

On Valentine's Day, I watched in horror students running with their hands up out of a school where yet another school shooting had occurred. I have followed school shooting closely since Columbine as my biggest fear is an active shooter situation and I work in a college. As more news came out about the shooter, my heart sank. He was adopted and lost both adoptive parents, one recently. I do not feel sympathy for this murderer but I do relate. I often worry about my sons. My beautiful carefree adopted boys. Being adopted doesn't end the pain and neglected feeling these toddlers experience from birth. My boys were adopted from foster care. They spent 3 years in the foster care system. Although both lived in my home for a majority of that time, my oldest son spent some time with bio mom during transition which ended up causing major regressions in behavior and attachment. My little 4 year old boy is obsessed with violence and guns. We have to monitor his every program and game. We see therapists about his violent behaviors and attachment issues. My fear is that one day it will be my son, my boy on the TV in the position of the shooter, not the victims. I try to tell myself it is irrational, he is 4 years old. I feel like I am doing everything I can to help him attach, show emotions, not react in violent outbursts, have outlets to express things but what if its not enough. What if the shooters mom did all the same things? I know some parts of our situation are not similar. My husband is very active in his boys life. They have a strong male role model not just in a father but in uncles and grandfathers. As a mother you never want to think ugly about your child but as an educated person with extensive knowledge in the affects of abandonment, attachment and adoption issues you cant help the thoughts. I write about his behaviors, thoughts, feelings. I ask him about things that are important to him. I let him tell me stories that I write in notebooks for him so he can express his imagination. I show him how to express his anger with words not actions. We don't spank which I am sure causes a lot of judgment but when a child has been abused and only knows violence spankings do not work. You have to know your child and the situation. I am sure if I had given birth to them that I would choose spanking but in his mind those spankings are not much different from the abuse he suffered. I was spanked as a child and I believe it helped me as I rarely did anything to get in trouble. My husband was spanked as a child and also led a trouble free life. That does not mean it is good for our boys. We tried to spank at first but noticed the extreme regressions our son suffered after barely getting a pop. This showed us that some kids have to have other forms of punishment. At 4 years old his offenses are not major. Tantrums on occasion. Hitting or biting siblings. Telling lies. His meltdowns are the real testing behaviors. He actually does the best in public situations, in listening skills and in opportunities to help others. He has so many strong qualities. I think I worry the most because of the mental illness his mother suffers from. I worry that he will get depressed easier. That he will be suicidal. That he will struggle making friends because of his intensity. I worry now about how to combat things that will come at him like drug use. HIs mother self medicates and I am scared the slightest teen experimentation will drag him down her rabbit hole of addiction. I mostly worry that he wont feel love, experience life and live fully.