Oceans and mountains away from here end of another evening matinee The sun bows graciously blows kisses luminous strands of affection Applause Wave after wave splashing on a rock pile by the shore There, on the rocks Sits a lady worth loving She sits waiting For what, only she knows Her modest stance absorbing the tapering light welcoming the waves Her lonely shadow clinging with unwavering resolve against the constant sea perfume Fading and conjuring Wave after wave When the last bit of light is devoured by the night her radiant silhouette will still be there When my mind's ships pull anchor and wade into the unchartered seas she'll be there guiding them to safe harbor And waiting For what, only she knows Perhaps Like many a hopeful ship-wreck survivor I shall toss into the wash a poem-in-a-bottle For she is waiting There on the rocks Wave after wave Perhaps for my bottle only she knows

Dear..., i will not be home early tonight. Stop. Urgent meeting. Stop. Left food in the oven. Stop. Kids must study. Stop. Call you later. Stop. Xxx. Stop.

You never know just who or what You'll cross with throughout most days. Yet there always seems to be moments in time that leave us lost for words or full of thoughts. Though I don't fully known where my encounter may lie, I know for certain that it carries a heavy truth. And with any truth to be told, it can be applied within life and it's delights. All in mind towards a genuine honesty of life that may hopefully follow, not too far behind. The other day I was at the gym and I was at the pool so my arm was showing. Someone had noticed and asked, “oh man, what happened there?” And pointed at it. Now before that, no one had been so direct towards me about it. Usually they'd notice it and my guess, get uncomfortable or awkward and try not to notice or cause attention to it. I know what it is, but I also know what it can be seen as, perceived from the outside looking in. I know what it must do to others. But here was someone who asked, not to be devious, but out of genuine concern or harmless curiosity, not instinctively thinking that I'd possibly do it to myself, thinking it had to have been something like an attack or accident. I just appreciated that lack of assumption, she didn't jump to unfair judgement, she gave me that benefit of the doubt, and with that, I was grateful and glad to answer her question. “What happened there?” And with some thought, I told her. “I was tryin- I was looking for some answers. I didn't find them. I'm still figuring them out though. Closer everyday.” And it was then, it was as if all the obvious just hit her square in the face, she kinda tried to close her mouth, not to be so obvious with her own reaction, but it was far too late for either of us to be subtle. She wasn't put off though, she didn't suddenly shame me or become disgusted; she was just hit with a heavier unexpected answer. But then I saw a sadness, not pity, but a sadness for my wellbeing, a concern. It was warmth, no doubt in my mind, cause I felt it churning in her eyes. Like intertwined gears that wind the clock. After some ticks and tocks, she absorbed the time needed to process the situation for what it was, she spoke in a tone that she had shifted from the soul. She reached out to me and connected, “Well I'm really glad you didn't find it -there-. There's reason for why we don't always get what we want, there's moments in time when what we want most, is actually what will cause our demise. So life throws us a bone, and denies that hidden demise. Saving us, while we cry.” The hair on my arms started to raise, it's like she peaked in, and saw it for what it for was it was, and put it into words for me. I wanted to tear my wall, to show her that she had got through to me, but all I could muster was a big teethe smile, I never do so cause my teeth are a mess, but my joy wouldn't stand for anything less as it's expression. Then I looked to her with an uttermost heartfelt gleam smeared across my once broken face, and thanked her for being a wonderful human being. It was a powerful moment, and it was all within 3 or 4 minutes of small talk. She went on to finish her workout and I stayed there listening to the echo acoustics of the indoor pool. Processing the situation for myself. For what it was..

A lesson in Courage This past year I had made a drastic change in my life. It has been something that I have wanted for quite some time and I finally made the leap. I was working the corporate scene for over 13 years and the rapid growth that I helped to foster became very overwhelming and one-sided by the owners of the companies. I was putting in 12 hour days consistently and working weekends either at home or going into the office. I had reached the highest level possible for someone that was not a relative and the advancement opportunities were non-existent except for a yearly raise. The workload was more than one person could handle and they were loathed to add extra bodies I quote" to keep a lean department." I presented on several occasions that I am overwhelmed and made the comment that deadlines for projects and reports cannot be met due to taking care of customers first as has always been their motto. I was tired a lot and missed so many family functions that I am embarrassed now as I look back and ask why? My immunity was low from the lack of self-care or lack of balance and I caught every cold or infection that came into my office which made an already hard situation worse. I stopped doing things that I love doing like this blog or other hobbies due to exhaustion for the most part. I had a revelation on a quote that I had seen that I cannot credit the author but it stated thus: "In a battle of egos the loser always wins!" That rang close to home for me because I realized that it was my ego that kept me going for years and the main owners ego was what drove him, a lot of times correctly, however when it came to his eldest and most loyal employees it produced a very toxic environment for the last couple of years. I feel that he wanted to retire and the truth was his son and son in law enjoyed the customer side of sales and did not step up to take on more corporate duties making him feel that he could not pull back on being at the office full time, he is 79 years old. I understand that but I felt instead of yelling and belittling them all the time it was his management staff that he took his feelings out on. His mood swings got to be uncontrollable and after the acquisition, I completed for him for his 4th business in the same exact month that we were implementing a new accounting software program with no added bodies I had reached the limit of my will. I plugged along from June 1st of this year until the end of October when I provided notice of resignation. I presented a graceful smile and stood upright and confident as I laid my post office box keys and the key to the building on his desk as I handed him the letter of resignation. I felt a burden release from me that was immediate relief. I made sure to quickly say this is for me and has nothing to do with money and please do not present counteroffers I am not that type of a person. I made the decision and it was done in my mind and no going back. Well for 3 days I had to endure the owners and Vice Presidents and wives of each wanting to meet with me to talk and ask me to stay or help them thru this project or that extending my notice at one point thru until year-end closings. I finally just said look that only benefits you and not me. The Vice President looked at me and said I understand and yes you are right. After 3 days of silence, they finally let us announce it to my staff. The owners and staff were all teary-eyed and I was smiling at each one and wishing everyone the best and telling them I will miss them, I hugged the owner and did the best I could to train and close out some personal business that I did on the side for the owners and family at the same time. The last day I worked was November 13th, 2018 and I feel like I have had the weight of the world lifted off of my shoulders. I am appreciative of all I have learned and glad that It has opened me up to other opportunities that I can't wait to pursue. I feel like I finally understand what is more important now. Balance is the key. If courage is needed for you in your life also, it is my hopes that you are able to summon the worth that you deserve.