Pomegranates thrive in warm environments that are tropical, airy, and carefree. The pomegranate has a leathery rough exterior that cannot be eaten. However, when you peel away the skin, an abundance of delicious seeds are waiting inside. This is how the eldest daughter is composed on the outside to themselves only. No one has peeled away the entire skin yet because she hasn't let them. The eldest daughter does not allow themselves to feel joy among their loved ones because they do not feel as if they deserve it. It might be a psychological aspect or something that has been ingrained by their environment at a young age but there always seems to be a hole occupying their heart. It always has a reason. Be better. Be better. Be better. BEBETTERBEBETTERBEBETTERBEBETTERBEBETTERBEBETTERBEBETTERBE. Deep breath in. Exhale with a deep breath out. Look in the mirror. Wipe away your foolish tears. Put on a pretty smile. Drink a glass of cold water. Take another deep breath. Sling your school bag over your shoulder, grab a water bottle, and run out the door to catch the bus to school. Smile. Deep breaths. It will all be okay. I can make it better. I can be better. Reset. A ballerina figurine is a graceful and beautiful silhouette that keeps turning to the elegant tune that plays out of the box. She keeps turning like the eldest daughter who keeps on smiling, keeps on walking with a high head, and keeps swimming even though it feels like she is drowning. She is an actress, so skilled that she could play in A-list movies. Over and over again she gets hurt because she cares too much. She loves too deeply and as a result, the shards of the aftermath leave deep gashes in her ballerina skin. It's okay. The eldest daughter will always push herself back on her feet. It should be fine right? She can get hurt over and over again and it will be her fault right? This is her fate, to feel too deep and get drawn into every situation like a moth to a flame. The eldest daughter is a glass doll who looks identical to the youth of her mother. She inherits her father's temper but not his talent in mathematical skills. No, she inherits her mother's memorization and observation skills. She inherits her mother's patience. Her father's artistic ability. She wants to go into law in the future because she feels useless at math. So why would she choose law? Because it is the quickest way to earn money with a career. The eldest daughter feels as if she needs to treat her parents better than they treat themselves. This only hurts more when the eldest daughter is from an immigrant family. She is the oldest so she needs to be the best. It hurts when all her siblings inherit mathematical skills. It hurts when she knows they will all be in advanced math classes. It hurts when she falls prey to the voices in her mind that taunt her. It hurts when she knows she can never be as good as them. It hurts when they are prettier than her. It hurts when they are smarter than her. It hurts the most when it is clear that her parents act warmer to them because they are younger rather than her. It hurts the most when the eldest daughter lets them hurt her again because she loves them more than anything. She would do anything for them. Anything. The eldest daughter has to teach herself everything. No, not have to but needs to. Because no one else will. Whenever she brings it up to her parents they will tell her in a heartbeat that they can teach her but in reality, both of them know that they have better things to do than indulge in her questions. So she refrains from asking questions unless necessary. The eldest daughter, pomegranate, ballerina figure, and glass doll all have a common factor. One wrong move and everything will crumble, making the insides pour out. Every insecurity, thought, fear, phobia, hope, and dream. It will all come pouring out without being able to stop. She will do everything in her power to stop this from happening. So again like every other time: she will bunch all of those feelings up into a ball, shove it into a box, and throw it into the endless voids of the pits of her stomach, wanting them to be lost forever. And ever, and ever, and ever. In truth, there is no happy ending. There is no conflict resolution, unlike the many lectures she attends during MUN conferences. No prince is charming like the fairytales. But when all else fails, when everyone leaves, and when everything is in ruin, the eldest daughter will always be there for herself. Like always, she will force herself to get back up and trudge through the muddled mess of her life. And she will know that everything will be alright because she is the only one who will always be there for herself. Always the admirer, never the admired, The Eldest Daughter.

ESSAY FOR THE BIOPAGE COMPETITION I am delighted to participate in this contest that Biopage is organizing to encourage aspiring writers and writing enthusiasts in general, and particularly in this time of the pandemic. I would like to share my writing experience as a new writer, author, bakery/pastry student, and full-time mom who finds voice, joy, fun, and comfort in writing. This is the opportunity for me to showcase my abilities through literature. In high school, I liked Haitian and French literature, sociology, the Bible and I had very good results in these subjects. In other words, I love everything about literature, but I never knew I was passionate about writing until I immigrated to the United States over ten years ago. years old and passed a Harvard Extension Intermediate English Level essay competition in the spring and summer of 2008. When I write in my journal, I often express my ideas, inspirations, and frustrations, but this year my writing skills and abilities have taken a new step. They have reached a deeper level that allows me to write cultural and fictional books for adults and especially for children of which my daughter is the main source of inspiration. During the pandemic, like everyone is aware of the current situation which is a global health crisis in the history of the world, but it also came with positive results of which I am among them. It allows me to have more time at home to write. Even though this pandemic has turned the world upside down, so many lives have been lost and their souls rest in peace, but it also brings joy and laughter for some. This is the reality we live in. You can regain your voice, well under bad circumstances even if he/she is not the cause. This means that I really take the opportunity not to get tired of this virus, to write my ideas, inspirations that I have transformed into little books. I am also grateful and very fortunate for the health of my family and me during this time of the pandemic. If either of us were diagnosed with Covid 19, I couldn't think clearly and positively. I wouldn't find the strength to write so many little books in such a short time when I was in school full time and taking care of my daughter either. So far, I can say that everything is happening for a reason. This pandemic period also helps me realize that life is so short and so precious at the same time. I felt like I was managing my time really well because tomorrow is not guaranteed and not mine either, so I should make good use of my time not to hand it over which I don't do by chance, but every second count. This is the reason why I was able to write so many short stories in a short time. I kept getting inspirations, ideas from my daughter and myself, so I put them in writing so that I could put them to good use later. Even though I couldn't find a job due to my daughter's schedule and mine, but I didn't let it affect my mental state. On the contrary, I changed it into positivity, into writing, by creating new things. So, I had to stay home with her most of the time because the schools and daycare were physically closed and practically open. As a stay-at-home mom writing was my first option to kill free time even though I barely had it. In other words, the writing was the best option for reducing academic and parenting stress for me. So, I thought to myself that I had to find something very interesting to kill the free time that I will be spending at home with my daughter. Therefore, I stayed home with her the entire time that I finally realized with Covid that this was something I was supposed to do, especially with my sheet music and my interests in writing and literature. during my high school years in Haiti. Here I just have something to talk about a little bit about my first project which is a songbook I created for my community churches, parents so they can teach their children good manners through songs religious. Bible verses, a story, and prayers that I wrote. My biggest inspiration has been the community church I attend. It's a small church, but full of interesting and intelligent children. They are eager to learn the song in languages other than English, for example, Haitian Creole, my mother tongue, French and Spanish learned in school. Whenever I had the chance to work with them in the children's class, I would do my best to teach them at least one song. One Sabbath, I even typed three songs to teach them in class. From there, the idea of writing a songbook reappeared and I decided to do something more professional. Fortunately, with hard work and dedication, I have created a devotional book that contains more than ten songs with prayers, bible verses, story, a puzzle with words related to the songs. It took me at least a year to write this book with the writing, design, and everything about books, but it's worth it.