Good girls take care of themselves! 👱🏻‍♀️👱🏻‍♀️

As a little girl, I used to have my cake and eat it, too. I was learning to play the piano, speak English and dance. A homely, diligent girl, thought my parents. Gotcha! – thought I and always joined my friends whenever they climbed trees or jumped over the kindergarten fence. I knew, or rather sensed, that once I found something exciting, I had to cling to it. I remember often coming home bruised and covered in mud, in jeans torn on the knees. One summer evening I recall especially vividly: a half-sleeping village, our dilapidated country house, grandmother reading a gossip newspaper, grandad in front of the TV watching Russian football team lose yet again and 7-year-old me, brushing burs from tangled hair and trying to mend a broken bicycle wheel. That day my older friends dared me to ride a bike to a neighboring town. There was no particular motive to it, except for seeking adventures for our never-resting bums. Still, a tiny daredevil inside me could not take my weak conscientious ‘no' for an answer, so I went. The trip cost me four hours, a crazy runaway from a rabid dog, a painful fall over the handlebar straight into the bur bushes and grandad's strict scolding. The following day, however, I was a local hero, to whom all the boys up to twelve (which was, well, cool) brought candy and ice cream. In hindsight, the satisfaction was worth the trouble. I always bet on black. I am eager to act recklessly without so much as a hint of a reward. At middle school, I caught a common disease called extreme romantic light-headedness. A straight-A student juggling various clubs, circles and class activities, I suddenly felt an insurmountable urge to skip classes and fall in love with some reckless and dangerous six-grader. At a celebration of yet another faceless accomplishment of our even more faceless school, I threw a crumpled piece of paper with ‘I love you' scribbled on it in my horrific handwriting in the middle of a crowd of boys. Why did I do this? No idea. I was neither rebellious nor stupid. Imagine my surprise when a couple of weeks later my classmate, an unfortunate catcher of the note, came forward and confessed to loving me back! That hit me like a truck, but like a pink one delivering flowers or Teddy bears. Unexpectedly, we got along quite well and went out for three years. He was my first romance and is my sweetest teenage memory. I always bet on black. I lack judgement and tend to rush headlong in whatever venture is up. When it comes to choosing our occupation, hardly ever are we devoid of doubt or reservation. That was exactly the case with me. Although passionately in love with my piano, I could not imagine giving up literature or physics. Apparently, it all got mixed up in my head or aliens fiddled with my brains, because somehow I decided to major in economics. Perhaps, I did not know what my vocation was, or maybe it was fate. I, however, would attribute it to Irony, all-pervasive goddess of bad decisions and embarrassing memories. Anyway, I needed to choose a university. Which one would a sane and sensible person opt for? Right, the one farthest from home, with worst dormitories, most expensive campus and rudest students. Oh, wait, my bad, that's just what I have chosen! Frankly, it is not as bad as it sounds, except for yes, it is. However, I have taken up my music practice again, met some amazingly creative and energetic people and undoubtedly toughened up for what life has in store. Moscow, where I live and study now, is supposed to be a city of prospects and possibilities, or so I am told. For one, I am ready to explore all of them and seize my chances. I always bet on black. I make spontaneous decisions without properly weighing all sides to the matter. When I met the love of my life, my initial reaction was fear and self-consciousness. He was older, smarter, funnier – cutting to the chase, out of my league. Between two options - settling for someone else or setting out on a journey of personal development - I chose neither and treated the situation as a challenge. My inner controversial self craved for acknowledgement of its existence, so I caved and made a move. By a happy coincidence, this man was keen on riddles and brainteasers, which helped him tolerate the nuisance of… well, me. This way, out of stubbornness and maybe just a pinch of sheer stupidity, I have found a companion in life and a mind as bizarre and curious as my own. I always bet on black. As Tennessee Williams put it, ‘Luck is believing that you are lucky'. To some extent it is true, and I am proud that the way I have navigated through life is mine, if not good or decent. I have always been keen on marking my own path, and I take joy in reminiscing of how I embarrassed myself or made stupid mistakes along the way. After all, it truly is marvelous that each turn we take on the road leads us to who we are. As for me, by far I have only learnt one thing for sure. I will always bet on black.

It's kind of funny thing for me to hold a pen right now and to write down something that is not connected to my study subjects. Last time I wrote an essay in 11 form. It was usually about some books that I've read or just some typical school themes. Now I'm on the 3 course of medical university in Ukraine. And I'm free to write everything that I want. But here is a question. What is the most interesting topic for me? What I want to tell about. That is really complicated. I would love to tell about my exciting hobbies, but I don't actually have any. I don't play any instruments, unbelievably bad at chess and don't really go in for sports. Sounds a little boring, I know. But I've got one thing that I'm really interested in. It is learning languages. Especially English. Not sure that I can call it a “hobby”, but at least it's better than nothing, right? I love watching serials and movies in English (with eng subtitles of cause I'm still not such a good speaker as I dream to be). I also read some books in original as I think that there is no translation which could reproduce the real meaning of the author's words. Not for so long time ago I used to think that my future profession would be connected to learning English. I dreamed to be a translator or even some ambassador. But my parents convinced me to choose medicine as it is more achievable to me. The whole first course I was regretting about this choice. The only thing I liked was English. And in my university there was only 1 lesson of English per week. One, Carl! The second course didn't actually differ. But this year I found out that there are a lot of people like me in my university. People who love English and would like to study it. And then I've decided to make an English club for these people. It's like some informal meetings after lessons. I usually prepare some presentations, videos and games for every time. At first it was really scary for me to imagine myself talking in front of an auditory like a lector. But everything has changed after the first lesson. It's unbelievable feeling to share my experience with other people and to see the way they like it. I really do my best for these lessons and I feel such a pleasure when I see that people appreciate it. My faculty is dentistry so I usually try to connect my themes with some dental issues. For example, we learn about caries and other diseases, teach each other how to communicate with our patients in English and so on. My students ( if I can call them like that 😄) like it and this is the most important part for me. Everybody is free to say everything he wants and nobody is ashamed to ask for a help with some grammar or to say “I don't understand”. It's OK. Because that's what we are doing. Studying! I'm glad to explain things as many times as person needs to be sure that he/she has got everything on well. Practice makes perfect! I don't know what my life is going to be in 2 years, but the only thing I'm sure about is that I want to connect my future with English. Studying or teaching? Both! Because I'm convinced that you can never be a good teacher if you don't improve yourself. Am I sure that my dreams will come true? No. But nothing is impossible for a willing heart. Right?☺️

It's kind of funny thing for me to hold a pan right now and to write down something that is not connected to my study subjects. Last time I wrote an essay in 11 form. It was usually about some books that I've read or just some typical school themes. Now I'm on the 3 course of medical university in Ukraine. And I'm free to write everything that I want. But here is a question. What is the most interesting topics for me? What I want to tell about. That is really complicated.\nI would love to tell about my exciting hobbies, but I don't actually have any. I don't play any instruments, unbelievably bad at chess and don't really go in for sports. Sounds a little boring, I know. But I've got one thing that I'm really interested is. It is learning languages. Especially English. Not sure that I can call it a \u201chobby\273, but at least it's better than nothing, right? \nI love watching serials and movies in English (with eng subtitles of cause I'm still not such a good speaker as I dream to be). I also read some books in original as I think that there is no translation which could reproduce the real meaning of the author's words.\nNot for so long time ago I used to think that my future profession would be connected to learning English. I dreamed to be a translator or even some ambassador. But my parents convinced me to choose medicine as it is more achievable to me. The whole first course I was regretting about this choice. The only thing I liked was English. And in my university there was only 1 lesson of English per week. One, Carl! \nThe second course didn't actually differ. But this year I found out that there are a lot of people like me in my university. People who love English and would like to study it. And then I've decided to make an English club for these people. It's like some informal meetings after lessons. I usually prepare some presentations, videos and games for every time. At first it was really scary for me to imagine myself talking in front of an auditory like a lector. But everything has changed after the first lesson. It's unbelievable feeling to share my experience with other people and to see the way they like it. I really do my best for these lessons and I feel such a pleasure when I see that people appreciate it. \nMy faculty is dentistry so I usually try to connect my themes with some dental issues. For example, we learn about caries and other diseases, teach each other how to communicate with our patients in English and so on. My students ( if I call them like that ) like it and this is the most important part for me. Everybody is free to say everything he wants and nobody is ashamed to ask for a help with some grammar or to say \253I don't understand\273. It's OK. Because that's what we are doing. Studying! I'm glad to explain things as many times as person needs to be sure that he/she has got everything on well. Practice makes perfect!\nI don't know what my life is going to be in 2 years, but the only thing I'm sure about is that I want to connect my future with English. Studying or teaching? Both! Because I'm convinced that you can never be a good teacher if you don't improve yourself. \nAm I sure that my dreams will come true? No. But nothing is impossible for a willing heart. Right?

We live in an interesting period when every man and every woman has a chance to be himself or herself. It is the main reason for the diversity of hobbies. Nowadays you can be a builder and go dancing in your free time or be a teacher and go boxing after the lessons, while in the Victorian Times every man had to have either a masculine hobby such as hunting or enthusiasm for politics and a woman had to grow children and cook. I think it is awesome that we have so many opportunities for self-realization, because our world has become freer, more accessible and tolerant. My hobby is not so unusual as in the examples above. I love writing poetry. Poetry for me is a place where I can open another side of my personality. For example, my poetry is often about love or secret love, hard relationships and life, betrayal or something like that while in real life I am a cute small girl who carries a plush puppy in a backpack and has good long relationships with her boyfriend. Sometimes something wakes up in my soul or in my mind and I feel something to another boy or conjure up a remembrance about someone who was important for me and whom I can't see now. In this way, for example, I wrote one of my last poems about my dead granny. It was a weekend, I was walking with my boyfriend when I saw an old poor woman in the street who looked like my granny and when she began singing I started crying. I gave her some money and went away. When I returned home and was left alone, I remembered that situation and began crying again. At that moment inspiration came to me and I wrote my poem. This poem is entitled «Бабуля» or «Granny» in English and is about a hard life of every woman in all times, about disappointment in life and people who surround us. It consists of a small dialogue between a small girl and her old granny who had a picturesque life. The girl asks her questions about the meaning of the words «life», «pain» and «death» and the grandmother replies, recalling her whole life. When she talks about «life» she recollects laughter near the fire with her friends, roundelays, forests, voices that called to themselves and then banished her, how she tried to help everyone and find near and dear ones and how winters and voices were constantly changing. When she talks about «pain» she describes how her close people betrayed her and how she felt loneliness in a remote place without any man nearby. And when she explains the meaning of the word «death» she describes the same situation as mine when I saw that old woman: she speaks about an old song which can conjure up a remembrance about you in your relatives or friends mind and they will remember you and their heart will begin to beat more often. In the end of the poem the girl says that it is very difficult to be alive. This poem is one of my most favorite because it was written by a sincere feeling and this work makes all mature readers cry. Another poem of mine was a verse about a man whom I unfortunately fell in love with. This feeling worried me for a long time, about some months, and I often fell into depression because of this incredible love. It was impossible because I saw that he would never feel anything to me and I had reliable long relationships with another man at that time. The reason for writing was my homework in Literature where the theme was "courtly and impossible love" which was very similar to my then-thoughts. This work is entitled « Год, как сон» or «A year is as a dream» and every first line in a strophe of the poem begins with the name of the poem and then illustrates it, making a story during a year, where every season has its own significance. The lyric heroine of this poem is a young married woman of the Middle Ages, who falls in love with a knight. The story begins in summer, when all was amazing and there were no signs of trouble. Then autumn comes and a storm arises with the advent of the knight in our heroine's mind. Next comes winter, there is darkness in her heart and she wants to burn all things around her for him and for being with him. However, when spring comes, the storm calms down, her pain goes away, she loves her husband again, feels innocent and kisses the knight goodbye. The poem ends with the words «Наш год, как сон» or «Our year is as a dream» that means that she felt connection with the knight but she understood that this was a temporary feeling. My teacher appreciated this poem what was amazing for me because I did not believe in myself. In the end of the essay I want to say that a hobby is a very significant thing for every person which can help us to understand ourselves, our vision of this world and to find like-minded people, who will make our life brighter and more interesting. I think self-awareness and self-development are very important things and you shouldn't hesitate about your hobby because it reflects your individuality and if you change or hide it to please anyone, you will change and betray yourself in this way.

Do you know what it's like to hear the word CANCER? This is my second round of hearing that word., Once was 25 years ago, and again last year. I heard stage 4 this time and when asking the doctor what it meant she turned her back on me. When she did that I knew it was time for a second opinion, and that's what I did.(To tell you what this Doctor did, there isn't enough space). Didn't have stage 4, but what I was told was just as bad. New doctors that explained exactly what was going on, and what the plan was that would save my life. Chemo started-phase one went well, phase two not so good. Chemo stopped new plan put into place and its working. 'There have been days when I sat and cried, trying to figure out WHY? Days that I cried how can I afford this, how can I pay for my medicine(over $3000) just to stay alive until surgery could be performed. Many days of screaming and yelling at my poor hubby telling him "stop changing things, I'm not dead ", stop treating me like I'm not in the same room. Pure hell as I look back now. The worst part was when I started loosing my hair-what a shock (actually thought it was the dogs shedding)-nope it was me. It was devastating and as I look back it was the worst thing I have ever been through. I had a support team that was unbelievable in getting me through that stage. My best friend had her hair shaved down to her scalp so that I wouldn't be embarrassed. Her doing that made me cry and made me realize that she was there for the duration. (There were others that spread vicious lies about me and my condition). Why would someone who claimed they were friends do something like that? . At this point in my treatment I couldn't go outside without a hat whereas I didn't want anyone to see me like this. After each treatment I would get sick and then three days later would be fine until the next round. For my own piece of mind I would go to our campsite for rest and relaxation, cry, and try to keep a stiff upper lip. My support team was there the whole time. They made me laugh, and helped keep my spirits up. If they didn't see me outside, they knocked on the door to be sure I was okay, had me over for dinners and went out for ice cream afterwards, along with lots of fires at night. These were the people that kept me going along with my hubby.(My hubby also got sick during this time with his sugar levels way out of balance, so along with my treatment, he had his own.Thankfully his is under control now). When you hear the words "Cancer" your whole life changes, You have to adjust to all the doctor appointments, the chemo treatments, along with staying positive. You sit and realize that changes have to be made. Stress is not an option for you at all. You don't need it in your life. I had to make a lot of changes, as there was a lot of stress in my life at that time. Hubby and I sat down and discussed all of our options, what would we do, how could we do it, and who should know what was going on. The hardest part of this was telling my daughter. From there we set up our support team and things started to go easier. The support team consisted of some close friends who are still on the team, and I couldn't ask for a better group. The next thing we did was get rid of the problems that was causing the stress. We moved our camper to a new place, got rid of the people in our lives that were causing the stress. That was the best part of all of this. You could say that we "threw out the trash". What a relief it was to have the stress gone. We have surrounded ourselves with kind and loving people, people who care and help if it is needed. What I am saying is this: when you hear that word "Cancer" , stop and think for a minute. Get your priorities in place. Sit down make a plan. Stick to that plan. Make sure that you have the right Doctors around you that will work with you, tell you what is wrong and what they plan to do, along with what you want done.. This way you wont have to go through what we did. Surround yourself with a team of people that will help when needed, give you support when you have a bad day, and believe me you will have them. Remember to have a sense of humor (you're going to need it). Laugh as much as you can, do what you want to, get a hobby or keep on doing the one that you have to keep your mind off of what is going on. My crafting helped me during this time., Take a nap if you need one, they are a good way to take a break,. Above all FIGHT like you have never fought before, you will be in the biggest fight of your life. I'm still fighting and looking forward to a better life, spending time with family and friends, Doing the things that I have always wanted to do: travel, crafting, taking photo's, yard sales and many other things, Remember stay happy, smile, laugh, love, and be surrounded by people that love and care for you.