You've got a letter. I ran as fast as I could down the stairs in my house with my birthday crown falling off my head, I had an idea of who the letter was from. I took the letter in my hand and held it close to my heart and took a deep breath of air. I looked down at the brown envelope and there it was my birthday letter from dad. I opened the letter to see pink and blue balloons as the background on the card. I felt the butterflies fluttering up my throat as I read… Overwhelmed with emotions and confusion I ran into my room and cried, not understanding why things were the way they were. As I drifted into a fitful sleep, I remembered the story of my father's cry. February of 1993, while traveling, the car was stopped and searched by police officers. The officers found weapons and drugs. My father's life as well as mine would never be the same. My mother received a phone call days later from him where he explained the occurrences. The trial lingered on for weeks; the verdict came back, and he was sentenced to 52 years in prison. Being able to understand what happened was not difficult, but being able to talk about it was the hardest thing. I grew up knowing the most caring man in the world, and to think he was in prison, was mind blowing. I was ashamed that my father was in prison. I hid it or avoided talking about family because of reactions. I felt disappointed and angry because of his position. He made a decision that cost me the relationship that I crave for now. I wondered if he thought about my mom and me? I was 11 when I sat down and really talked about this with my mom. She told me it was okay to talk about my dad's situation.To me, this situation my mom and I were in just made us stronger together. My mother was both parents. My mother's sacrifice and ability to provide for me was a great achievement. She took care of me, worked, went to school, and loved me all at the same time. When he calls, we talk about anything and everything; he teaches me what I need to be taught like boys and making the right choices in life. Despite of my dad's position and what he did, I still love him and no one can change that. My mom also promotes our relationship. She knows that I am the only thing that keeps him going in prison. While my mother is supportive, I have encountered many people who have said hurtful things about him. Some even said I should turn my back on him. How would turning my back on him benefit me or him? I do not love my father because my mother says so or because that is the right thing to do, I love him because he has done a lot for me without him actually being here. I realize that he made a bad choice and is paying the consequences for it. I am proud that my father keeps his head up during his ordeal. I know that his arrest and imprisonment has changed him for the better. He will be a changed man and father when his time is up. Before I visited my father in prison, the thought of going to a prison freaked me out. Going to see him was so hard for me, I kept thinking, I could not face him. Before, I did not want to look at him I give him sympathy or make him feel worst about his situation. I knew that was selfish of me but it was a hurdle I had to get over and I did. In 2009, I drove deep into New Jersey to see my father. I was never this afraid ever in my life. I cried all the way there. For some reason I could not get it together. When I walked into the prison, I had to get processed and checked. During this time I think I took about 100 trips to the bathroom trying to get myself together. Looking around everyone seemed calm and content as if this was easy. I sat in the chair waiting for my number to be called. The door open and I knew that was him, my daddy, my father. I rose and hugged him and he kissed my forehead, I felt relieved. We sat for almost four hours talking about anything. I studied his features and realize I looked just like him. I smiled to myself. I love my father. I felt rejuvenated, like a new person. I was happy that I made him happy. He has not seen me in 17 years and I finally made that happened for him. My heart smiled. I was a new person. As time passes and I continue to grow and appreciate my life, friends, family and my freedom, I still keep in mind that life is a journey and my journey has many obstacles. I am determined to overcome my obstacles. Throughout my journey, I can say that I have parents that have loved me unconditionally. My father's incarceration has had a positive impact on my life. I feel that his presence in prison helps me stay on track and focus in everything I do; knowing he only wants the best for me. I do suffer as I wish he could start his life over and have him spend every day with me. I believe that life's obstacles can either make a person stronger or weaker. My father's incarceration has provided me with the motivation to be triumphant and look at the position I am in as a reminder of the meaning of life and the cries we all have.

When I picked up the book 13 reasons why at a book store many years ago I had no clue it would change my life. I didn't know that I was fixing to read my story written by a stranger. A noticeable difference is that I am 31 and still alive. I lived Hannah's life but I made it. When I was 15 years old a friend called me one Friday night. She was intoxicated at a party with all males. She wasn't comfortable and asked if I could walk across the street to where the party was and stay with her. I thought nothing of it and told my parents I was sleeping over with the neighbor (just not the neighbor they thought). I cared for my friend and got her to bed with no issues. I locked her in the room and made sure none of the males present went near the room. We had all been friends for years with the exception of an older guy there. He was very attractive, rich and popular. As the early morning hours approached the friends all started to pass out. I was given my own room and soon found myself fast asleep. I woke up to the guy I didn't know asking if he could crash in there with me because the rest of the beds were taken. I remember hearing the door lock and even telling him that was a fire safety issue. I wasn't nervous because I was in a house full of people I had known for several years. I must have fallen back to sleep quickly but that wouldn't last. I was awoken to him on top of me, forcing himself inside me. I was a virgin and scared truly to make a noise. I think I may have whimpered but that only made it worse. I don't know how long it lasted. I remember he left the room and didn't come back in. I was scared to leave the room. When morning came I practically ran home. I can remember my friends calling me the next 2 days asking what had happened because the male was saying things about me that were not nice. I realized later that he immediately started saying things about my character so people would believe him when he said he never touched me. I had no intentions of telling anyone but made sure no one would believe me if I did. Something I didn't realize was that he was already 18 which made what he did statutory rape. I can remember that first day back at school how all my friends shunned me. People I had known since elementary school treated me like I did something wrong. I never told my parents. I quit cheerleading and the school newspaper. I didn't talk about it with my childhood best friends. They knew something was wrong but I shut down anytime I was asked. Things moved on and I finished the year barely passing after having been an straight a student. I thought for sure the next year would be better as junior but I was shocked the first day of school to find that my attacker had been held from graduation and would be back at the school for another year. Not only was he back at school but would be in some of my classes. I told myself that I could handle this by just pretending he didn't exist but he seemed that he needed to make my life hard. He would say things under his breath when I talked, he would loudly make comments about my reputation and would try to turn my few peers in the class against me. After a few weeks of this abuse I started taking sleeping medicine to get past the nightmares. One day he seemed particularly nasty towards me and called me to his table during lunch. He had some of his female friends call me some names and tell me how he would never have touched me. I took enough sleeping pills that night to never face him again. People wondered how I got the pills. I asked an older neighbor friend to get them for me. That moment of survival changed my life. I still didn't speak out of the attacker mostly out of fear. I felt like I was having a heart attack when I saw in the local paper that he been arrested with trying to pick up a 14 year old girl in a sting when he was 30. My first thought was he may have hurt other girls. I was so scared to tell and that may have left him able to harm others. I have dealt with the ptsd of the attack for years. Sometimes are better than others. Everyday I am glad that I didn't die when I wanted to so bad. I I am so happy that I got to meet a great man who understands my cold days. I am so thankful I got to be a mommy. When I hear people say that Hannah Baker from 13 reasons wanted attention I want to scream that she is real. She is me. I never asked for his bullying. I never asked for the whispers. I never wanted the sympathy. I just wanted to make the choice of my first time being with someone I loved not a stranger who prayed on virgins.