The darkness began to envelop me. "I flailed around, trying to move my body, but it was heavy as if bound; water filled my lungs gradually, and my breaths disappeared." "Flames clung to my clothes, and my body felt hot, trembling violently with my screams. The fire devoured my limbs and spread through my body as if it possessed it. I was in indescribable pain. I lost consciousness, watching my burning hands while writhing, trying to push the fire away. My life flashed before my eyes, and then the pain vanished." "I was unpacking the last box in our new apartment, and now I could see the entire place. We had officially moved. As I wandered around, I noticed something odd halfway through the room; the sound of my footsteps changed. I continued stomping the floor to confirm the sound, but my thoughts were interrupted by my little brother screaming my name. I turned and saw the fan about to fall. Indeed, it did. My brother cried loudly. Thank God for him, or I would be dead now. The fan shattered the floor. Something caught my eye in the sand beneath the floor. I pulled out a wooden box." "My brother ran out as soon as he heard the door because our mother had arrived. She entered with a look of sorrow. I asked what was wrong, but she didn't answer. I think she concluded the electrician didn't secure the fan properly." "I tried to open the box in my room, but to no avail. I got tired and went to bed. I closed the window and fell into a deep sleep. I woke up feeling cold from the window. I curled up under my blanket, too tired to close it. I went back to sleep but was startled by a loud noise in the room. I tried to get up, but my body felt glued to the bed, unable to move. The noise continued for about two minutes, and I didn't realize when I fell asleep again." "I woke up in a good mood but then remembered the night. The window was wide open. I was sure I had closed it. I always opened it only from one side. I got up and stepped on something. I looked down and saw the box was broken. Fear took over me until I spotted a beautiful necklace inside. It was a red heart-shaped gem on a chain. I also found a book, but it was in poor condition, with burnt edges." "Several peaceful days passed, but I was puzzled by my family's behavior and their neglect, as well as my mother's sadness. It seemed my uncle was sick again." "I was in the bathtub, upset, having overheard my aunt wanting to get rid of me to inherit my father's wealth, especially since my mother had passed away. Minutes later, my aunt opened the bathroom door, grabbed my head, and dunked it in the bathwater, holding it there before letting go. She looked at me triumphantly and left. She also took my necklace." "I sat on the bed with a candle and a book about the Pharaohs. Tutankhamun's tomb had been discovered, so I decided to read a historical book until the discovery was broadcasted. As I read, the candle fell on me, and I started to burn. I screamed in pain until my parents came in and put out the fire. I suffered severe burns, but it wasn't as bad as I thought." "The past few days felt like years. Sleep eluded me, and food no longer reached my mouth. Nightmares haunted me even when awake. I saw a girl burning, another drowning. I realized the necklace and book were connected to what I saw. When I tried to read the book, I dozed off, hearing screams all night. The necklace whispered my name, and the window always opened wide." "I threw the necklace at the mirror, breaking it. The sunlight disappeared, and my room became desolate. A girl entered; she was the one drowning in my dreams. She picked up the book and tossed it at the wall, which swallowed it. Another girl entered; she was the one on fire. She held up my picture with a black ribbon. I realized my fate would be like theirs. Why are we here?" "Death played its role quickly. I was betrayed by those closest to me. This house was our grave and the path to our return or just one of us. The house has a portal to the world of the living, allowing only one to pass. Our struggle will be fiercer than that of humans, as each of us longs to feel her heart beat again. The portal will determine who wins days in the world and who remains lamenting her fate. As much as the suffering has been, so will the struggle to escape. Fate is determined in the blink of an eye."

In 2016 I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease - Celiac. At age 18, the concept that pizza, bread, and pasta, would now essentially kill me, seemed to be the craziest thought in the world. Five years later as the world lives in constant fear/avoidance of a pandemic, that fear of my own "new normal," is long past. Instead, I believe it prepared me for a Covid-19 in ways I never could have imagined. _____ You never expect to be diagnosed with a life-changing illness, but you expect it far less in your first month of college. It was not easy. I spent months trying to understand how to avoid this thing called, 'gluten,' and navigating how much cross-contamination I could handle (hint: the answer was, 'none.') Overtime, across the months that followed, I became accustomed to checking every ingredient-list, cross-examining every waiter/chef, and carrying along with me an emergency supply of 'safe foods.' I began to move from a stance of uncertainty at the unknown to one of survival and coping. I slowly moved from fear, to hope, navigating a "new normal." When you can get sick from literally everything around you (sometimes even through the air you breathe) life takes on a new meaning. Sick-days were inevitable, and asking clarifying questions about what sorts of accommodations I'd find at the other end of a journey, became commonplace in my world. I became very accustomed to saying "no" to stay safe, and avoiding anything that may have touched the dreaded gluten. In short, I lived life with something deadly all around me, and I learned to cope again, live again, and even enjoy life again. In the process, I learned to trust. To trust myself, to do what I had to, to keep my body safe. To trust that this 'new normal,' was not the end of the world. To trust that His plan was, and is, greater than mine. What I didn't realize, was that this was all to prepare me. This photo is from my "last minute of normal," on a missions trip, in March of 2020. What I mean, really, is my last moment of what was already MY "new normal." The last moment of my life where my own gluten-related fears were the worst part of my world. The last moment of my life when I would feel guilty for wearing a mask if there were gluten around me that could make me sick, or where I would have to apologize for missing class due to being so sick. The last time I would have to watch as I seemed to be the only one who noticed if someone didn't wash their hands between touching something else, and making my food. The last time I would ever wonder if anyone else knew how terrifying it can be to know that there is literally something that could kill you, all around you. Most of all, it was the last time I would ever consider Celiac to be the disease that changed my way of life the most. I've been thinking a lot, lately, about just how much Celiac prepared me for Covid-19. See, Celiac was a reminder for me of so many things. It reminded me that life is short and should be lived to the fullest. It was a reminder that I am not invincible, and that I cannot rest on my strength, alone. It was what reminded me the most of the promise of 2 Corinthians 12:9: "But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me." During 2020, and now 2021, many of us have been reminded of the truth of that verse. It is easy to just dwell on the after of Covid-19 - on how incredibly difficult the past two years have been for so many. However, I think there is something beautiful about what God taught me through Celiac, and in that last-minute before... Psalm 46 states, “There is a River whose streams make glad the city of God.” In the midst of a passage about desolation, the roaring of the waters and quaking of the earth, wars, and a reminder that God is our help in times of trouble, there is that short sweet reminder. There is a River. There is gladness. There is a city of God. I see that in this photo. I think of what it was like to sit there, by the water, and soak in God's presence on land dedicated to doing the work of the Lord. God used those moments “before,” (in my 'during') as a time to quiet my heart and mind, reminding me that, in the midst of a season where I'd have to remember that He is our refuge and strength, and ever-present help in trouble, there is, also, gladness, peace like a river, and the city of God. There...is...hope. Celiac reminded me to find strength through Christ, alone. Covid-19 reminded me that strength is found only in His presence. Someday, each of us will find we are in the last minute of our time on earth - our own "normals." What will we each be doing when that moment comes? What would be our final legacy? My prayer is that “in His presence” would be my answer. Will it also be yours?