Peeked at the calendar, what a bummer! No one told me it was almost summer Because here, by law there's just one season Change in weather is an act of treason It is either hot, or humid, or both As if the sun took a scorching-heat oath Flowers, birds, and butterflies all year round Served with a side order of pests abound Everything bites or stings, take your pick Mosquito kiss, or a cottonmouth lick? Wanna be chased by an alligator? Or wanna hug from a black bear later? If you prefer your wildlife with some salt May we then recommend a shark assault? No mermaids, dolphins or pink flamingos Just tourists, wet with sweat from head to toes No real forests to burn, and no earthquakes 'Cause no solid ground, just quicksand or lakes But there's always a land-bound hurricane Ample warning. No one leaves. It's insane! Though state has no official uniform T-shirts and shorts with flip-flops are the norm So fashion hub of the south, we are not Chic and fiery-hot don't mix well, clothes rot Peak of summer, things get a whole lot worse Our state motto becomes a pirate's curse Sun-baked, numb, and half-naked, we all roam In this patch of swamp and tar we call home Forget top ten, we're dead-last on all lists. Other states tease us like we tease tourists When, in normal places, trees drop their leaves Somebody let me know right away, please So I can throw state-mandated rule out Wear a jacket, and pretend it's cool out Fall season just cannot come fast enough For my cold-brewed bum, summers here are tough!