Once upon a time ago...there was this girl. She was never okay. She held together by her own fears. Pieced together by the surface scars of others. She pushed herself to be the most imperfect perfect she could construct. She stood up to face an unknown so dark she contemplated leaving it all. Hiding beneath the surface inside of her soul she clung to hope. She wished her self well knowing an illness crept inside her bones. Always overthinking when she laid in the dark hearing whispers from afar. Hoping desperately for a sign to condemn the blind. Let them see where the darkness stood there is light! Leaping moonbeams to find the way to ease this pain. Seeing dark images in the windows on the stormy nights...Always trying to find a way to make it make sense. This world she lost herself so selfless. She couldn't keep it together forever. Eventually, those nightmares like hounds in the night caught her. They tore her down and shredded her soul. They stole flakes of her slowly. Tearing away at her memory. Reminding her she was a faded hopeless lost so easily. She couldn't keep it together right. Losing herself within this abyssal darkness where the chains were never ending. The pain was never easing. The fears were always waiting by the door. Her eyes strained in the sunlight and her once gentle heartbeat, thumping like the thunder rolling thru the hills in a hale storm right before the clouds part. Wishing some way she could hide. Escape. Lose herself within the stars. Paint her in the sky amongst the farthest moons. Let her create the walkway for the next girl to leap on moonbeams. Incase her story is like mine. She's gonna need a light to shine her thru the darkest of times. Where flowers just die. They never live long enough to make somebody smile. Time just dredges away when you can't find a way to spend it. I've been so lost so lost and full of pain. So afraid of changes, but change happened regardless. I have to face the way my life has dealt its last few cards. I have to make sense of the senseless. Directionless against the storms that come. They take our breath away sometimes. We keep secrets when we shouldn't. We fall apart in ways I never thought I could. Stripped down to nothingness. I wear these scars across my heart like mines in the field. They keep me fierce from the battles where I've been. I wouldn't wish the hell I've been thru upon any other soul. Watching your soulmate fall apart isn't for the faint of heart. But I've survived this much I know. I've walked the road and fallen so many times. The bruises that some of this trauma has left me with. The scars that I hide deep within. I'm finding that daily is a daily reminder. I sure do wish that I was stronger. Maybe my mind would have lasted a little longer. All that armor didn't help me in the end. To wear your heart on the sleeve is the understatement of my being. My soul is always feeling always searching always wishing for the better. I used to believe that our bodies are built with all we'd ever need. So in theory, I didn't believe we should share organs. Then my daughter was born. The God's and I have talked so many times. I was so wrong before. I was so closed minded before. Now there isn't one organ I wouldn't give, one breath I wouldn't share. I'd give her my soul. We don't grow up to be broken, but sometimes we are broken. It doesn't mean we cannot make ourselves into pretty collages overtime. Easing the pain of those scars. Making them look more normal again. But My God does it hurt. It is how I Imagine it feels for the butterfly to first burst out of the cocoon in the sunlight rays. Just wow. I have to learn how to be okay again with all of these changes in my life. I have to find me somehow. I need to find that smile I never had. I want to find that laugh when I snort.