I keep asking myself, without my own lips moving, "Am I a good person?".... Now, today, even upon yesterday, I kept asking myself, "Am I a good individual? Why doesn't my own family (what is left of it) treat me a certain way, that to me, cuts me, deepened each time, a small intentional trial, position, issue, circumstance, problem breezes into me, a flowing breeze that doesn't kiss my forehead with instant warmth, yet, with their own policies through active behaviors, as if I am nothing.... The disrespect from the very one, once lived in my womb, actively trying my patience.... As if, qualities of screams, yells, are suppressed anxiously in purities of silences..... Listening to gospel, feeling every word of each sentimental lyric, seeing God's dimples of merciful graces consumes me.... Praising God on my own, stares not understanding, yet I am blinded by Yahweh's children singing effortless praises consistently through song... Calming the spirit within, to me, this is all I have, all I have, mentally, with still Blessings of working five senses, with still Blessings of working limbs, heartbeats, the aftermath of calming, parting of once "Red Seas", with prices of possibilities.... A son, fulfilled still, with anger, with rolling of the eyes of such disrespect, out of the blue, unless the spirit of the Denzel once movie "Fallen", has now incorporated aimlessly into that of my own son's being..... The mumbles, the "hard headedness", gaining a three point status to conquer the game.... Lost, mindset, seriously, up and down, each moment, each day of God's Blessings.... Lost for words of his demeanor, tone of voice, yet, now, I just truly, give it all to God.... Lost in turbulences of my own demons.... Severe Anxiety, now a permanent roommate in me of "Bipolar Depression", now, a societal angry cries of chaos, trying to make sense of what we as humans, humanity, never meant for all of life's spontaneous weaknesses, never meant to be considerate, properly researched, nor understood..... Yet, calming distances, portray seas of stillness in category five..... Internal disagreements, each day a Blueprinted Blessing, growing spiritually, lost causes of distinctive grievances... Negativity, trying its best to break such synergy released, yet, packed heavily inside an already infected womb..... A womb swarming in the life's likes, continuous, interrupted seasons of destruction, detailing energies of flooding cries.... Always misunderstood, well, seems effectively to be... Yet, I try to exist faithfully, with utmost respect.... Nevertheless, what intentionally happens to me, unto you, upon anyone when the same, ultimate, intimate respect isn't given greatly back..... "Breathe in, breathe heavily out", when the same is yet, is now looked over, looked over, beyond that which is you..... A prisoner living within its own heart of forgiveness, empathy, hopefulness to become more... Become more, of God's identical twin, reflecting through that mirroring dimple of a gorgeous, of Yahweh's phenomenal smile..... Living as a prisoner of empathy....