I wanted this page to become my Diary. But I failed. I wanted to share all my thoughts and ideas here. But now I suddenly realized that what I need is a little bit different. I need some place where I can share my depressive thoughts and worries. It's strange for me, 'cause I always thought that I'm highly optimistic person. AND I AM. But we can't avoid pessimistic mood, and we mustn't ignore it. It can destroy us from inner side. The reason why I've decided to come back here is my boyfriend (and my best friend at some point). My boyfriend claims that he has neurosis, he has insomnia, he suffer from lack of purpose in his life. And I'm helpless. I don't know how to help him. I've already advised him to find good therapist and do something with his mental state. Sometimes it seems to me that I'm talking with walls. I'm not sure that I'm in love with him (this sentence was really difficult to write down, because I can't be honest with me, I guess). I'm not sure I've ever been in love with him. I'm not sure I know what LOVE means. But I feel responsibility, I DO care about him, I DO want him to be by my side. But I want someone to care about me, someone who can solve my problems or at least tell me that everything gonna be ok. I don't want to hear about troubles which are not mine, because my troubles are much more important for me. A couple of weeks ago I've faced emotional burnout. That was awfully strange for me. I felt like something died inside my heart. I couldn't help crying, tears just dropped from my eyes and I couldn't find out why. This salt water just was dropping. I don't know how to finish this stream of unrelated speech. I just wanted to open my heart. Don't blame me for that. P.S. I'm not sure I feel better or worse after writing all this words though. But I'm sure that I wanna do this once again