Life

It all started two years ago the day before my older sisters 15th birthday, and the day of my 6th grade jumpstart. My parents called all my siblings and I to our living room at the time. And at this point we all new our lives were about to change, but we didn't know how much. My sisters, brother and I were sitting on out gray coach at the time when my mother called for my father to come up to their bedroom. We didn't think it was anything at the time. My parents came back from upstairs to living room you could tell that they both were crying because their eyes were red and puffy. We all asked what was wrong and they then told us the worst news of our lives. Well we thought the worst news we didn't know what was going to come out of this at we all were in so much pain. They were getting a divorce. After about a year after we got the news we then got told we were being forced out of our house and we had to find a place to live in the next month. My dad moved into his mother's house and my mum moved into a house right next to a friend from our church. the move was so stressful i was the only one who packed their own stuff. My siblings were not at home that much anymore so i stayed home and packed my younger sisters room and then i packed mine. After the move we were waiting for the divorce to finalize. I started a new school, I made new friends, I even had my first boyfriend. I had a great first year at my new school. Well... everyone thought I did. I was actually self-harming. I started the summer before 7th grade, before my new school, I told everyone that i was always cold. But that was not the truth, I was hiding my cuts. After I got really close to my friends I ended up braking down and telling them why I always had a coat on. Everywhere I went i had a coat, in gym, outside, during cross country, everywhere. I didn't even take it off at my own homes.I went threw a really dark time and the only people who know about it is my now ex-boyfriend and my best friends. My parents found out later and they got me help. I was not happy about this at all. I thought they were trying to make it all worse, but they were trying to help. They were blaming it on them which hurt me even more. It was not their fault it has never been. It was a way for me to stop and calm down. It made my mental pain go away for a little bit by having physical pain. This never actually helped me with anything it ended up making my grades drop and me just staying in my room more and more. I still have scars from me doing this. Doing this to me probably the worse thing ever in my life. Having people judge you every time someone sees your scars is not ever a fun feeling. I am in so much pain from ever starting self-harm. It might be easy to start but it is not easy to stop believe me. But this is my life now and I am living and I am holding strong. I can't really do anything else. This is my life.

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Krister Axel

Music Blogger and Memoirist at CHILLFILTR.com

Ogdensburg, United States