I Just Want To Say…

“Like is a way or act that you'll become attracted by/to something or someone”. When I was a kid, foods and toys is the only like I knew. Years passed, clock runs fast. As time goes by, I'm already grown up. That is also the time I already understand some facts about world's life. The thought that foods and toys is the like I only knew starts to changed when I first saw you. I don't know why? I don't know how did it happen? But the only thing I know, I have a crush on you. When I surely realized my genuine feeling unto you, I just want to say… “I like you”. “Love can make you crazy”. In this world that is full of mysteries, hatred and woe, there's always a love that blooms in every scenario of sorrow and grief. In a changeable world that every hour, minute and second can alter your life easily and make your feelings be different from time to time. Whether we like it or not, time runs very quickly like “Flash” in the movie, Justice League. We can never notice that maybe tomorrow is the end of your likeness because likeness becomes a love that grows in just a snap of your fingers. A love that you hoping that someday you will feel for the man you love. Wanted to hear such a beautiful words that is answerable with such a lovely utter you want to say. So for now, even you don't know these. Even this is just a paper and an ink of a pen. But I am hoping that someday I can utter and say these very charming words to you. I just want to say… “I love you”. “Hate and love are always been together”. Why is it that love and hatred are always together? There is no love blooms if you don't hate someone you really love. Also that hate you've felt can be the possibility to bring you in the stage of condemning that person very deeply. Even when you die you will carry that in your tomb. Another, you don't feel any hatred unto that person if you don't really love that man. Yes, love and hate is really different from each other. In any aspects, they are dissimilar to each other. From their spelling up to the meaning. Those words are not in the same kind. Love gives peace and hate brings war. So what's the reason that they've come up together to become one? Whatever reason and purpose is that, what I know is I love him yet I hate him too. How much I love him is equal to the much of hatred I felt unto him. I don't know the reason why? Maybe, because I'm just a stranger to him. A stranger that will not and never been exist in his life. Stranger that will never himself allow enter in his life. And the stranger that will never been part in the life of his love. Hey boy, I am just right here, but why is it you never give a time to look after me and notice me as well. I already done more things that not my usual things I did. I do some crazy things just to catch your attention and tell you that I am just right here watching you from afar. Still you don't care because you already care someone you'd think that will complete the emptiness in your heart. This is what I just want to say… “I hate you”. I hate you for being numb that causing and bring my heart some pain. Oh yes, I closely forgot you don't know me because I am just a stranger in your life. You already love some other girl you have just met. Oh what a lucky woman. The girl of your dream and the girl that I wish I am. I hate also myself for being dumb and stupid. Loving you even I know that you can't love me back. Giving you all my heart even I know that you will just throw it away and go to the woman you really love. So what now? I am here sitting in the corner, lonely and crying in grief. To that girl you love very much. I hope you will love her and never leave her. Care for her and comfort her in times of her sadness. To the girl that my man loves the most. I hope you will care for him and please do me a favor. Just please don't hurt him and love him the way I love him. I hate seeing him crying. Maybe this is the right time to give up all the love I have. Maybe this time I will give myself a time to enjoy the life that our mighty creator gave to me. Before I ended this, even this is hurtful but still I just want to say… “I love you and goodbye”.

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Bernard Jan

Award-winning, multi-genre author, novelist,...

Zagreb, Croatia