Eyes that needed help

It's me who can hear even unaware voices, tones. I can feel movements. The twittering of birds gives me pleasure and I feel as if I'm listening to the music. The sound of flowing pond gives me relaxation. That's all I have and that's all I can do.But unfortunately, I can't see a sunshine, all existence. I'm blind. My blindness is not innate, it was because of FEAR! The most frightening, the most dreadful thing for me is a thunderstorm and lightning. It reminds me the most horrible event in my life which changed my life. I regret for this day and sorry for not keeping dare… That day was Saturday. There is a dampness in the air, wind was blowing and thick clouds covered the sky. I was sitting with my wife at home and we were exhausted because of the foggy weather. Then we decided to sleep and were going to upstairs. Suddenly somebody knocked at the door. I hurried and opened the door. There was a man with a telegram: “Dear Uncle John, our mother is no more. We need your help. Please visit us a.s.a.p." It was from my nephew Edward. I felt weak when I read the telegram. Because I loved my sister. We grew up together. We were orphans and always relied on each other. She lived too far from us. I hurried suddenly and put on my raincoat. I kissed on my wife's face and went out. When I'm getting in my car, our dog Buddy barked again and again, as if he didn't want me to go. But I didn't mention it. I started and drove so long. I was driving on the big and long road. On the way the car broke down. It was the worst thing which didn't need at that moment. I got out of car and kicked it. I looked at the road. It was too long. But I went on going on foot anyway. I had a long walk. I stopped. “Alas! “: I murmured. I was near a graveyard. I had no more effort to move. So I decided to relax a bit and I sat on a stone. I was so weak, I just could feel my breath. Suddenly I heard a person's voice yelling. “Help me! “ I ran towards there where the voice was coming from. The nearer approaching, the harder I heard the voice. After a while I stopped running. There were seen three shadows of people. Then I hid myself behind the tombstone. I couldn't realize what was going there. I just observed. The one man was holding the woman's arms, another man was playing a knife on her neck. The man said: “Dear, I got all your money, your ambition, all your works, all you had, and the last thing I want is your life! “ The woman spat on his face and said: “Your place is in the HELL!!! Coward! The second man hit on her face and made her kneel. He banded her mouth. She was trembling and tried to escape, but she couldn't. Suddenly it began lightning, then there was a thunderstorm. Lightning lit all the around. Thunderstorm's hard voice could make any person deaf. During the continuous lightning the woman saw me. Her eyes saw me, wide, blue eyes. Eyes which were full of fear. When she saw me she opened her eyes wider and wider as if she was asking for a help. She needed my help.Her eyes hoped me as I am a savior. Her eyes were still waiting me, asking help. But it was late. The man cut her neck. She was dead. But, her eyes were still looking at me. Eyes waited me till the last breath. I couldn't take my eyes from her eyes. The men hurried and flung the body to another grave and disappeared in a little while. I was trembling, making no sound, no movement, no blink. After some time, I felt that my legs were going.I was escaping from the graveyard. I ran till I fell down. I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital. One week was gone. I was sent here by a shepherd. My relatives saw off my sister and buried her. It was night. I was sleeping, having some pain of my body. Then somebody was whispering to my ears: “ You are coward! You didn't help me! You!” Oh my God, I opened my eyes. I was sweating. My heart was beating so fast, feeling so weak. I tried to control myself again for a little. Then I closed my eyes. As soon as I closed my eyes, those eyes were appeared. Eyes which I can never forget them.Eyes which were in need help, full of anger, full of blood, full of hatred. Eyes were suffering me like this every day. I know that her eyes in me.Whenever I close my eyes I saw these dreadful eyes. It was a punishment for me. Every day I felt this torture, pain, grief. My every night was a hell, full of pain. One day I wanted to stop this. I wanted to get rid of all. Then I made a decision to get rid or her eyes, MY EYES. I've already become crazy because her. Her voices made me mad. I was ready for everything to stop this. Because it's not me. It's her eyes controlling me. There were scissors on the window. I took it and closed my eyes. I again imagined these damn eyes. And eyes said me: “Cut me, then you will not see me again!” These are the words what I needed ..' you will not see me again'. I hold scissors and cut my eyes.

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Bernard Jan

Award-winning, multi-genre author, novelist,...

Zagreb, Croatia