I've already gone through three prompt ideas before this, just give this one a shot alright? I'm demisexual. Demisexuality is defined as a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form an emotional connection. I don't think most people know about demisexuality. I guess with all the sexualities out there, it gets lost and forgotten. We even have a nickname of "Graysexual" (and even a flag)since it's in the middle of the asexuality spectrum. Some LGBTQ+ members would agree that it exists and some would disagree apparently depending on the person. Considering that I'm demisexual, I obviously agree with its existence. I feel a little hurt by those who deny its existence because it feels like they are denying my existence as a living person. It feels even worse by the LGBTQ+ community, but I guess that's bound to happen. Basically, I knew there was something off about me since I was a kid. I'm not primarily physically attracted to people, I need an emotional attraction. I had a few crushes before don't get me wrong, it's just that there's more to the crush than just a pretty face. I had this one crush since the 8th grade and I still think of him even after my graduation. It was only him though, when I have a crush it's only one person at a time and it does not happen to just any old cutie. Funny story, I went nearly half a year in the 8th-grade English class we took together (another funny story, I walked right out of that classroom on the first day of school, thinking I went into the wrong room before realizing it was the right one)without noticing him until one day I don't know what happened but it clicked that I had some ounce of affection to him. Maybe I'm just dense, ha. I think it was those deep soul gazing eyes and the way he spoke in that quiet voice that caught my attention. I liked his aura, his intelligence(as weird as that sounds), and the way he carried himself. He was the kind, shy, and calming sort. And by far the only one who has ever got me completely off guard by my emotions. Oftentimes my relationships spur off of friendships. You could be the hottest person in the world, but if there's no bond then there's no attraction. I don't think about sex the same way other people do. I have little to no interest in it. I kind of find sex to be undignified. That doesn't mean I don't have an attraction to people, it's just that the attraction only happens when I form a strong bond with someone. I mean I have a sensual side to me, but it rarely goes anywhere past my mind. You see, sex is just one factor that I'm not interested in, it's any physical contact such as hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc. All of those make me want to run away in utter anxiety and fear. Keeping relationships is hard and not hard at the same time, mostly because the relationships come to the same problem of demanding something I have no interest in giving just to keep the relationship going to their standards. Dating in the modern world for me now has been excruciatingly painful and difficult. I don't even hug my friends or family unless forced to. I just don't like being touched, something about it disturbs me and leaves me feeling disgusted afterward. It's unimaginably hard to tell my family that I'm demisexual(I hope to one day, I'm just scared that they won't understand it). Especially, since they keep pressuring me to go the traditional route of marrying and having kids. But I have no intentions of doing either of the above. I have more interest in my career path than anything. Sometimes I feel I will be lonely forever because it doesn't seem I'll ever find that one person who'll make me feel safe or comfortable enough to be intimate and not disgusted by their touch. There are other people out there who are just like me and if you're reading this and things are kind of clicking for you in the sense of "Hey this sounds like me". I hope this helps in understanding who you are or at least points in a general direction. Life is confusing, to some people so is demisexuality, but both are real and both are validated.