I've really lied to myself in the last few years. I've tried to hide behind fancy built walls. I've tried to lose myself in the time. I've resolved my bitterness to lyrics played sometimes all day long. Resisted the inevitable that we knew would come all along. Chased my dreams into realms of imaginary peace. Held together by promises I only speak within my soul. I've allowed myself to creep out of my own mind. Hidden behind those scars because I was to cowardice to compete. Let unspoken words tear me apart in ways I'd never seen fashioned. I've escaped a reality of pain and brokenness most could not fathom. I've held this heart together by a dozen or more threads of illusion. Always trying to pull the right string to get to the seclusion deep within my mind. Scraping together words for nothing other then the comfort of my own thoughts seeping out like wildflowers peeking out of sidewalks. I've tried to struggle within the silence of my fears the memories I'd left in despair. Trying to find the blinking light within the night of solitude. Responding to my own cries and refusing to live anymore lies. I'm only a woman, a soul, a hurt and aching child deep inside. I'm broken and lost taunted by images of my own creation. If only there was some way that I could claw myself out of such deep seclusion. I don't want to feel anything other then the dull ache of my own heart breaking. Just too keep it real. I need to know that I am still able to control my own deep feelings. I have to hold myself together to be stronger for the day will surely call tomorrow. If I don't rise up with the sun maybe I too will be forgotten like my memories they don't last. I need just one chance to say what has not been said before. Just one chance to let it all out like a violent rain pour. Let the pain free me from these chains.