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North American published author of articles, short stories, poems, reviews, essays and eulogies. Melissa writes from a funny, educational, insightful, sharp and unique perspective. Her pieces are diverse and she isn't afraid to gather research from real life. Let's face it. When life's one big joke, you become a great comedian. Melissa is known for interesting hobbies, exotic jobs, being fired from a reality show on the Discovery channel and eliciting laughter from South America, Canada, 33 US states, England and Scandinavia. She does not reside with any of her "1,000 lonely husbands".
Dive deeper into my writings on Substack:
substack.com/@anonymoose
Dive Deeper on Substack
Feb 07, 2024 9 months agoIf you enjoy the words and weird wonder of this wild woman, feel free to follow ANONYMOOSE at Substack. https://substack.com/@anonymoose Thanks for spending your attention here. Cheers!
Happy (Belated) New Year!
Feb 07, 2024 9 months agoI am officially a paid member of the Filidh Publishing Authors' Family. The Platinum Collection was launched on December 3, 2023 as part of their 20th Anniversary Celebration. A poem I penned is included in this book of short stories. Along with a photo and biographic note (longer than the poem!) My name is listed on the back cover and in the Table of Contents as a contributing author. The book can be found under “New Releases” or directly here: https://filidhbooks.com/products/the-platinum-collection-by-filidh-publishing-authors Royalties for the sales of this book are going to StandUpToCancer.ca which is discussed on the last pages of the book. Also at the back of the book is a list of our 20 years of publishing works and the 74 authors (of which I am now one). Sales of the book, if you're so inclined run at – Soft cover $28.75 (CDN) or eBook $7.00 (CDN). All the best to your inspirations and endeavours this year! Happy scribing
Lobster Man
Nov 09, 2020 4 years agoJohnny and I were talking wild mushrooms over pints a few seasons back. A tall "handsome" looking champignon popped up and stalked the conversation enough to interrupt. "Have you ever had lobster mushrooms?" He asked. I replied that I had not. He offered to give me some, brought up his motorcycle and migrated to our table. This was truffle for Johnny. Some unmemorable alpha-beta conversation ego-trip went on for miles and he got up to leave. The mushroom offer was a thinly veiled reason to join him outside, Johnny watched my beer (I tasted tear later). He did own a motorcycle and lobster mushrooms. Both were ratty looking but would work. "You'll have to clean them but they're still good," he said handing me 2 hastily picked, not properly cut mushrooms in a crumpled paper bag. I hadn't finished saying "Than--" when he cut me off and had the gill to ask if I wanted "to go bang behind that van over there?" Parking lot stranger sex is not the feather my cap needs. Despite the intoxicating effect of his shitake beard, I declined. "Okay how about we just go make out behind it?" he said, stepped closer put his hands on my hips and TRIED TO KISS ME! I'm not sure what part of 'I DON'T WANNA BANG BEHIND A VAN' meant "Don't Stipe"? But do I look like I wanna get raped behind one? I guess it's not rape if he gives you something or coerces you to do something you don't want to do, oh wait, that's exactly what IT IS. I didn't spore a second before pushing him away laughing like I was high on mushrooms. Lobster man cried "BUT I GAVE YOU MUSHROOMS!" I gave him a mush too nice view of my button the way back in and yelled: "Exactly! You ALREADY GAVE me the mushrooms!" 🦞👌🍄 #lobstermushroom #puffball #indeep #metoo #delicious #robappleton @ Gladstone Brewing Co.
My favourite Island Staycation Destination...
Aug 06, 2020 4 years ago..Is in my memories. Breathtaking places on this magical island melt my heart, mapped in my mind. Fun stops that start when the puppy first meets a salmon! Lunch with latitude to orcas. Meandering for mushrooms in forests. And a benchmark of Bays is berry wine and bears.
ADVICE FROM A RAINBOW:
May 22, 2020 4 years agoLive a coloured life. Be an inspiration. Bring unexpected joy. See beauty in life's curves. Be someone to look up to. Live in the moment. Reflect your true nature!
