Each day of this quarantine is a little different. Some days there is energy and motivation, and other days there is beer with lunch. I am trying to manage my anxiety around reopening the world by continuing to stay at home as much as possible and see new people as little as possible. However, I did go to a small business craft store with my daughter the other day and was pleased with how they were making sure people couldn't sneeze on one another. It required suiting up with gloves and taking a sanitizer bath, but I felt safe and it encouraged a great conversation with my daughter around how we as humans will always learn to adapt to new situations. Today was a day that I woke up and thought, " Ugh, what am I going to do to fill the time between now and when I get to go back to sleep?" I wanted to just stay right there and not move until bedtime, watching episodes of Shrill or Bob's Burgers until my eyes were tired and eating bags of chips in bed until I realizing that I would now have to get up to clean the crumbs off of the sheets. But I have kids. My daughter has an open-air farm camp she needs to get to so she can stand in hula hoop away from the other kids while wearing a mask and trying to socialize, (see? we adapt!), and my son is 5 so he obviously needs me to come running into his room first thing in the morning so he can sing me the chorus to "Africa", (he prefers the Weezer version, sorry Toto), while still laying in his bed. So, staying in my own bed and being lazy all day isn't even an option. If it were an option, I would be horribly judged by everyone reading this because that would mean that my children were exposed to too much screen time, whatever that magic amount of "just enough" is, I have no idea, but I am sure a day of Bob's Burgers is probably past that point. Some days I get ready as if I were going to see people and wanted to impress. But like I said, each day of Covid living is a little different, so there are also the days where I decide I am fine the way I woke up and everyone else can shove it. Today, I am sure that putting on makeup would AT LEAST help pass the time, but I think I will save it for when I am super bored. Later, I will probably have to stand outside for an hour, minimum, while watching my son ride his bike up and down the street; a daily ritual that he will never get bored of and that makes me want to set something on fire. After that I will probably start a loaf of sourdough bread to feel like I contributed to the household economy and then let my son have screens for too long so that I can read/take a shower/stare at the wall for a while, and not have someone climbing on me or shooting me with Nerf bullets or yelling for me to come and take the arms off of his lego men. And tonight, after eating a dinner that my husband made and the kids won't eat, I will sit in bed with my husband and watch TV (finally) while the kids fall asleep in their own damn beds. When I wake up in the morning it will be a different day and I will wonder what I will do to fill the space between waking up and going back to bed. For now, it's lunch time and I think I am going to have a beer.

Is it just me or does the thought of going on a cruise ship immediately make you think of the part of "The Life Aquatic" where they get boarded by pirates or the scene in the "Titanic" where Leo is chained to a pipe and water is rising up around him? Knowing my luck, I would be on the cruise ship that was boarded by pirates while it was sinking and be somehow trapped in the room with the pipes. Cruise ships are a hard pass. Is it just me or does the thought of your neighbors being upset with your chickens make you wake up at 6:30 in the morning just to run outside and "shush" them while they strut around the coop screeching/boasting about the eggs they just laid or the eggs they're planning on laying, and then when that inevitably doesn't work you end up giving them all of your rice cakes so they don't wake up everyone in a 3 mile radius, but the thought of getting rid of said chickens makes you nauseous with guilt? Is it just me or is that sound outside probably a murderer? Is it just me or are these WEB MD diagnoses making it sound like I either have the common cold or the bubonic plague? No inbetween. Is it just me or do awkward moments in a TV show or a movie cause you to get up and leave the room with excuses like, "I have to go pee, you don't have to pause it for me," or " I am going to make 5 batches of cookies, leave it on, I can watch from the kitchen," ? Shows like "Extras" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm" are basically reasons for me to get things done around the house so I can avoid seeing other people make asses out of themselves. Is it just me or should we give these pickled beets I canned last summer to someone else so they can act as my poison tester. If they don't die after eating them then maybe I will open the other can. But what if they lied about opening them just so I wouldn't be upset that they hadn't yet? Or what if THAT jar was fine but MY jar is actually filled with botulism? Is it just me or is it too late to become that kind of parent that doesn't give their kids screens? And if I take screens away do I have to replace it with something? Or can they just figure that shit out themselves? Is it just me or is my Memoji prettier than I am in real life? Is it just me or did that prescription commercial just quickly list about 500 ways it could kill me, making me want to remember the name of it just so I can tell my doctor what I DON"T want should I ever develop the ailment that those middle aged, white collar, housewives had? Is it just me or did the cat puke in my sandals on purpose? Is it just me or did I say that thing that one time and everyone still remembers it and probably hates me? Is it just me or...?