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khadijah iftikhar

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Islamabad, Pakistan

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A journey of self-discovery

Jul 13, 2020 4 years ago

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”, Aristotle. This is the quote I keep very close to my heart. Being an introvert was never easy for me, as a kid who knew very little about the outside world, going to a completely different place to study was a lot more challenging than I thought. After finishing high school, I had to decide for myself, and that decision could change my entire life. I had two options, whether to stay in Saudi Arabia where I completed most of my education or to come to Pakistan and stay in a dormitory with hundreds of different girls. The best option I could think of at that time was to stay with my parents and in the comfort of my home where I would feel safe and protected, but my parents advised me to choose the other option that was out of my comfort zone because they wanted me to learn and grow from my experiences. As an introvert, this situation was daunting and nerve-racking. Little did I know before coming to Pakistan, that this type of personality is not only feeling shy and uncomfortable around others, but it also includes anxiety and constant negative thoughts. For me having a quiet and shy personality was like a monster sitting inside me and telling me that I'm not capable of facing demanding situations. I wasn't good with giving an introduction and all from the beginning, and whenever I was told to introduce myself I would just tell a made-up story that wasn't even true to portray how interesting I am. We all are expected to introduce ourselves on the first day of university. It's a norm that is followed everywhere. One after another everybody in my class came up to the stage and gave a brief introduction about themselves, everyone seemed pretty perfect with it, confident and above all they knew themselves, at least a little bit if not completely. Later I was called on the stage and it was my time for an introduction. When I went up to the podium, my heart was racing like crazy, and my palms were all sweaty, I couldn't breathe properly. It was not only because of my introvert personality and stage fright; this time, I really wanted to say something that isn't false and deception but rather I wanted to sketch a true image of my personality. With all the other feelings of uneasiness rushing through my body, for the very first time in my life, I felt utterly lost and unaware. I did not know how to start and where to start, what I like, what I don't like, what are my strengths and weaknesses. It was all foreign to me. I never felt that way before. There was only one thing I was sure of, and that was my introvert personality which I despised. Stuttering and fumbling, I somehow managed to overcome the awkwardness and just as any other time lied about myself. That day turned my life upside down; I went on a quest for the search of my true self. I read many books and articles on self-discovery, watched YouTube videos which explained how you could uncover yourself, stuffed my head with useless knowledge, and after spending a lot of time looking for an answer I finally gave up. It never occurred to me that self-discovery is not something that can be found in books and motivational videos; instead, it is more of an experience of your life and the decisions you make along the way. Tired of searching and dwelling, I started to lose hope. I fell under a dark pit of self-doubt and insecurity. The first year at university was like a nightmare. However, it passed, and nonetheless, I made some good memories As I grew older and with all the experiences I had gained in my life, I eventually began to understand myself better. The decisions I made throughout my life, bad or good, I realized that those decisions carve my personality and tell me who I am. With patients and courage to actually accept my flaws, I embarked a journey of reflection and observation. From the self-examination, I have come to understand what my personality holds and what values I believe in, and also how being an introvert is not something to be ashamed of; instead, it is something to cherish. I felt matured. It made me realize that being desperate to find an answer never works, you have to unleash yourself and let your inner self flow. Take difficult challenges and learn from them, By doing so, you will understand your abilities, character and feelings in a much better way. coming to Pakistan was a difficult challenge to me but I have learned amazing things by living an independent life. I believe finding yourself is a never-ending journey, and I'm not sure even a full life is enough time to figure everything about ourselves. It's a destination with lots of different directions, and you have to choose the one that you feel comfortable in. There is still so much about me that I'm unaware of, and every day I learn something new about myself and I thrive to learn more every day because as Aristotle said "knowing yourself is the begging of all wisdom".

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