Kerry Zheng

It's Time to Break the Rules.

Mar 24, 2020 4 years ago

PARENTS — Let kids be kids. I can still vividly recall the time I went shopping with my son for his 5th birthday. As we walked along the aisles of Toys R Us, we looked for something that met both his criteria and mine. This was the first time my son discovered that dolls existed. When we made our way into an aisle adorned with pinks and purples, my son was enthralled instantly by the row of dolls on the shelves. His eyes lit up with fascination, a radiant smile immediately surfaced on his dimpled face and he clapped his hands together eagerly like he does whenever he really likes something. “Mommy, can I have this?” He was waving around a petite doll with long auburn hair, wearing a velvety red dress. I looked thoughtfully at the doll clutched in his hands. “Of course Caleb, put it in the cart along with your Captain America action figure.” Ever since my son has been old enough to pick out his own toys, I have exerted a great amount of effort in raising him to evade the modern pitfalls of masculinity. In other words, I never said no to him if the only reason to is: “because it's for girls only”. When he was a baby, I introduced him to all the colours of the rainbow, and not just the colour blue. And I taught him that sometimes it's okay to cry because it's important that he understands and manages his emotions, rather than concealing them in a misguided attempt to show strength. But despite my best efforts, I cannot shield my son from society's desire for categorization. When you're pregnant, the first thing anyone asks is “is it a boy or girl?”. And even in preschool, kids are taught how boys and girls should act and what boys and girls should like. Young children are quick to internalize the gender norms being pushed to them through the media, society, and family dynamics. A few days ago, my son told me that he wanted to bring his doll to school with him. He came home from school with his eyes filled to the brim with tears and before I knew it, he had buried his face in my arms and began to sob uncontrollably. “Mommy”, he said through stifled sobs, “kids at school keep making fun of me for having a doll.” For the first time, I thought about asking him to put the doll away, and to hide that part of himself. I was scared for him. I was scared that maybe one day, the phone will ring, and I'll learn that my son has been beaten and abused. I was scared that maybe one day, while he was out with his friends having a good time, he would be cornered and harassed. And I was scared of the fact that I was even thinking of these possibilities. Why should I have to worry for my son because of his interests? Femininities and masculinities are nothing but mere social constructs. They are a set of traits in which our society expects men and women to display. My son likes dolls and other ‘girly' things. But that shouldn't make him less than any other child. It was infuriating to hear that my son was being seen as some “poster child for boys who are different” by his peers, rather than the kind, amiable individual that he is. I know that people fear change. But when we teach our kids that they have to fit into society's tiny little boxes, we are imposing upon them lifelong risks of mental and physical health problems. Because if they don't happen to meet the so-called standards of each box, they will feel like outcasts in a world that is already so infused with conflict, left with nothing but a sense of unfulfillment in life. When we provide young people with the opportunity to think about gender in different ways, we are paving a path to eliminating the social constructs that pervade society. “Let boys be boys and girls be girls” is the phrase used by those who want to keep the status quo of masculine and feminine behaviors. But if we really want our children to lead happy and fulfilled lives, then we need to raise them away from these social constructs. Instead, let us use the phrase “let kids be kids”. Let kids be kids who aren't afraid to show their emotions in fear of coming off as weak. Let kids be kids who can like soccer and trucks, but also dolls and tiaras. Our perception of children is so clouded by the lens of gender, that we are failing to love children instead for their character.

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