I worked as an ambulance doctor for some time. Working in an ambulance is something else. People may call an ambulance once or twice in a lifetime but when you work with it, it's always something extraordinary going on. Always an emergency, always an adrenaline. Even we don't have an active case and just drinking tea in the station, some part of me was always a bit scared of what might happen next. Of course when we arrive at the case there's no emotion left. I only did my work and i tried to do my best to everyone. One time we were drinking tea again try to stay awake at 4 a.m. Then we had a call. It was a suicide by hanging. Our team, fully awaken at once throw everything and ran to the ambulance and stormed to the address. The police was coming with us also. He was still in rope when we arrived and we were too late. We could tell the minute we saw him. He was in his eighties and he had an old wife in the house who opened the door for us. She was like "Why won't you take it away already?" She didn't seem upset but irritated like there was dirt in the kitchen. After we finished examining him and made sure that it was really too late to save him and that there were nothing we can do , her reaction took our interest. While we were writing our report about him, the policemen came with us started asking questions to the wife. "Was he depressed lately?" and the wife answered " Yes , well he had this fling."Fling? We started to listening the conversation." He had a foreign mistress. This fool didn't tell her that he was married. I confronted her and the honorable women she was, after learning about me she broke up with him and disappeared. He was depressed ever since. And today i slept around 9pm. I just woke up to drink water and when i came to kitchen i found this" We were all shocked. I was shocked yes but i was a young ambulance worker who was very new with this kind of situation but the policemen who were very experienced, were also in shock. A love story in eighties? And i could tell she was telling the truth. First of all that old lady couldn't even climb the stairs, let alone carry and hang his husband. It was just impossible. The man must have climbed the stairs himself and hang himself. And you could the see the hurt and the hatred for the husband for cheating her. She hated him so much she just wanted us to take the men and leave. Here i was in my late 20s, all alone ,having no man in my life. Even kind of thinking about maybe i'm too old to find love again that i missed my chance after college.. This man here, in his eighties, even he was married, he must have fell in love. When his lover left him, he couldn't take the pain anymore and ended his life. He waited for his wife to go to bed and then he just went to kitchen and ended everything. I'm not defending his cheating of course he was wrong in this story in everything. All wrong. Him ending his life, him cheating his wife..But it was love that made him do these things. To love someone so strongly, that one couldn't live without it and at that age.. The age usually everyone fears about death, he chose it. The broken heart must still hurt so much when in love no matter the age. Sometimes i can't help but wonder what it would be like to love that much?

I remember like it was yesterday. It was a peaceful snowy evening. I've always liked snow. It makes everything more beautiful. It's like a natural make up, makes the city more beautiful ,simple and elegant. I was enjoying my coffee and the view. Everything was in a white dress. The sound of fireplace ,the slowly burning woods.. Everything was peacefull. It was nothing special but enjoyable. I'm a medical doctor, an ob/gyn resident. So my work day is always full of action and adrenaline. When i come home, i just need some peace and quiet to recharge and be ready for the next day. That evening after enjoying my coffee, i checked the internet like everyone else. Then i saw the videos from China, people were literally lying on the hospital floors. It was horrible. I rushed to show it to my parents. The country i live in, the culture is different. Single women are expected to live with their parents. If we don't do this, our parents feel strongly offended. My dad is 73 years old and my mom is 65; so i was helping them and i liked staying close to them as they age. I know i may sound like Howard from The Big Bang Theory. But i live in Turkey and it isn't like Europe or US. It's like Matrix. Staying with parents until the marriage is the normal in my country. My parents ,like me and like many were shocked seeing the videos. But we didn't think it would change our lives this much.Nobody did, right? I wouldn't imagine the world would shutdown soon. One disease, out of nowhere, a little tiny virus changed us all. I thought the virus would stay in China and felt sad for them. Well it didn't. It travelled to Europe. We saw what happened in Italy as well. At that point we knew it would come to us too. At first as an obstetrics resident, i thought i wouldn't see many covid patients. Our patients were mainly pregnant ladies and newborns ;so society and our hospital tried to protect them. Then of course as the disease spread no speciality left. Every resident from the hospital were taken to covid units. My new workplace was covid unit in the emergency room. When i learned this, i was super worried about my parents. Especially my father who was 73 years old and had hypertension. I was terrified i would carry the disease from hospital to home. There was no way i could stay at home. All of a sudden i was homeless. Of course government arranged places to stay for people like me but my lovely friends offered their house to me. So i moved to my friends' house. All of us were working in the hospital so it was like a covid house. I will be forever grateful to them. My parents were worried about me. Because i had cancer in the past. But i didn't tell this to my hospital because i wanted to work. I wanted to help the other healthcare professionals when they need every doctor's help. I had cancer and chemotherapy 6 years ago. It's not like i was newly diagnosed. After 5 years some consider i beat the the disease completely. Nevertheless i'm used to the idea of not living too long. I'm trying to work for people and try to do my best while i'm still around. When i work for people, i feel like my life isn't wasted. Also after 6 years , i dare to hope that i may live longer as well. After moving to my friends' house , i was no longer worried about my parents. It was such a huge relief. I would blame myself forever if i carried the disease to my loved ones and they were in the risk group. In the hospital we were protected with equipment. After going to few shift we got used to it. I was working in the ER covid-19 area. So people would come to us first. Everyone was confused and worried. We were doing what infectious disease told us to do. We learned some chest tomography at least the covid images. We did everything we could do. It was really motivating for us to hear all the cheer people make from homes to the healthcare workers. In the end we were only doing our jobs but being appreciated was touching. Maybe i'm overly dramatic about it but i was really happy to hear that cheers. Maybe being in my country has its cultural differences but i know every healthcare worker worried for their loved ones at home, more than they worried for themselves, like me. I know every healthcare worker felt happy when they heard the cheers in the thank hour. These feelings were beyond cultures. Time passed and now we're slowly normalizing, we turned back to our ob/gyn patients already. But i will never forget that my dear friends opened their house for me. and i will never forget people cheered for us. I will never forget how a little tiny virus could change so many lives. The life we know could change completely in a heartbeat. But we can adapt to new normal fast and we will always receive support from other when we need so i don't afraid of these changes. I hope humanity would never have to live something like that again and we can turn back to our lives when the only thing upset us was the ending of GOT.