“Ana.”   I wait for her fun-loving smile to appear.  It doesn't.  “Ana…” I try again, softer.  Still nothing.    Cautiously, I venture, “Hey… what's going on? ...  Ana…?”  She shifts.  I can see that she's clearly not okay.  My heart, just in these last ten seconds, has taken on the same weight as hers is bearing.   I don't even know what it is.  I know she won't talk, but she's not going to do this alone.  “Come here,” I whisper gently.  Ah, that works.  She lets me hold her tight; long and tight.  She clings to me.   We'll be here awhile.  I love her.  I'd hold her for as long as she needed it. “Eye-luvoo so mush.”  My voice is muffled in her shoulder, but she knows exactly what I'm saying.  “Eye-luvoo too,” she manages.  I squeeze tighter.  After a good, long time, we let go.  I take both of her hands and look into my best friend's eyes with so much love.  More than I've ever loved anyone in my life...  I cast my eyes back down, giving her respect.  Still so there, yet honoring her inclination to process in privacy.  Privacy coated in the comforting, present support of your best friend.  The security of them utterly not knowing, yet profoundly knowing nonetheless, and feeling it right beside you.  Never alone.   We sit together, quietly bearing the weight of the world hand in hand.  Inside ourselves, processing, yet hearts beating inside each other's. Stronger this way.   Ana and I. The most roaring wordless message a friend can ever give:  I'm here.   A flash of eye contact checks in every now and then.  Tender empathy. Sisterhood, unbreakable and ever-present.  Before long, I pull her back in for another hug.  We just go back and forth, hugs and hands, until the funk passes and love settles in its place.  I pray silently, and occasionally my plea to God becomes audible. I never know what I'm addressing, but I just give her all the love I know how to give, and I feel the weight of her heart beside her.  She is not alone. I will make sure of this.  I'm still hugging her, all the while aware that I will never know exactly what's going on, what she's thinking, what set off these emotions, or even quite what they are.  We'll never talk about this, and we don't have to. She is hugging back so hard that I know this is all she needs right now. Just love.   I don't know all that Ana goes through.  But I do know how to hold her tight and love her with all my heart.   At the end of the day, that's all she needed from me — to be loved.   Accepted.   Held.   Cherished.   Safe.   So I make my embrace a safe place for her.  A place where she knows she can let it all out.  She deserves it.  She's my best friend.  “I love you so much, girly,” I say, my words clear this time as I pull away and take a good look at her as only a best friend can.  I beam. Her sunshine has come back.  “I love you too,” Ana replies.  

“I don't want to think about it." “I know. But we're going to wish we'd talked about it before it happens,” I remind her. “It was so hard to tell you that I'm moving to Ohio,” she admits. Moving to Ohio… It echoes in my mind: Moving to Ohio… moving to Ohio… moving to Ohio... Wait. MOVING to Ohio?! Not just going back — Moving. Permanently. It hits me. My sister is moving away for good. We cry. For hours we force ourselves awake just so we can soak up these last few moments together before it happens -- before reality comes and whisks her away. We stay as close together as we can. Sometimes we're talking, running through memories both good and bad, confiding our fears of this new reality, looking back on the sisterhood we never want to lose. We've built something strong, Ana and I. We've built the most unique, sure friendship I have ever known. Sometimes, we just sit in silence. My sob breaks in, and Ana's hand is never far. She comforts me. Sobs shake my body and break my heart. It can't be real. Ana pulls my tear-streaked face closer to hers. Her left hand grips mine, and her free hand begins to stroke my hair. Like she always has, Ana comforts me. I know she would do anything to make me feel safe. The best part? All she has to do is be there and be herself for that to happen. There's an unmatched power in my sister's tender, intense love toward me. Something delicate and gentle lands on my face. It's Ana's kiss. I am still; I let her do it. I would never let anyone else. But I know I'm safe with Ana. And then we just sit together, breathing in every sweet breath of the last night together we'll be graced with for a long time. We're in awe of how precious we always will be to each other. We soak in every bit of this time, lingering in sweet sisterhood, hoping it doesn't vanish as a dream does when we wake up tomorrow morning. We silently acknowledge the special place we will always hold in one another's hearts, simply hushed, almost unable to believe we got to be sisters in the first place. We love each other. We wish the sun would take its time in rising, but we also know that dawn ushers in Ohio, and Ohio bubbles with the promise of a great, fresh start for Ana. We still just don't want tonight to end. We don't know how we'll deal with the weirdness of tomorrow apart, and all the tomorrows that will follow. But tears are tiring us out. We finally plug in to music and lay down to try to get some sleep… next to each other, of course, eyes fixed on one another's, and we hold hands. We never want to let go, but we know we'll have to, come morning. We're not missing a beat till then. But it is late, so I fool myself, suggesting, “Let's go to sleep.” "Okay," my sister plays along. My eyelids fall together and immediately brim with tears. I stifle them for a second, but soon they give way. Ana's still there. Her gentle hand reaches up, and without a word, she wipes the big tears away from my eyes. I look into hers. She's so beautiful.

“Ana.”   I wait for her fun-loving smile to appear.  It doesn't.  “Ana…” I try again, softer.  Still nothing.    Cautiously, I venture, “Hey… what's going on? ...  Ana…?”  She shifts.  I can see that she's clearly not okay.  My heart, just in these last ten seconds, has taken on the same weight as hers is bearing.   I don't even know what it is.  I know she won't talk, but she's not going to do this alone.  “Come here,” I whisper gently.  Ah, that works.  She lets me hold her tight; long and tight.  She clings to me.   We'll be here awhile.  I love her.  I'd hold her for as long as she needed it. “Eye-luvoo so mush.”  My voice is muffled in her shoulder, but she knows exactly what I'm saying.  “Eye-luvoo too,” she manages.  I squeeze tighter.  After a good, long time, we let go.  I take both of her hands and look into my best friend's eyes with so much love.  More than I've ever loved anyone in my life...  I cast my eyes back down, giving her respect.  Still so there, yet honoring her inclination to process in privacy.  Privacy coated in the comforting, present support of your best friend.  The security of them utterly not knowing, yet profoundly knowing nonetheless, and feeling it right beside you.  Never alone.   We sit together, quietly bearing the weight of the world hand in hand.  Inside ourselves, processing, yet hearts beating inside each other's. Stronger this way.   Ana and I. The most roaring wordless message a friend can ever give:  I'm here.   A flash of eye contact checks in every now and then.  Tender empathy. Sisterhood, unbreakable and ever-present.  Before long, I pull her back in for another hug.  We just go back and forth, hugs and hands, until the funk passes and love settles in its place.  I pray silently, and occasionally my plea to God becomes audible. I never know what I'm addressing, but I just give her all the love I know how to give, and I feel the weight of her heart beside her.  She is not alone. I will make sure of this.  I'm still hugging her, all the while aware that I will never know exactly what's going on, what she's thinking, what set off these emotions, or even quite what they are.  We'll never talk about this, and we don't have to. She is hugging back so hard that I know this is all she needs right now. Just love.   I don't know all that Ana goes through.  But I do know how to hold her tight and love her with all my heart.   At the end of the day, that's all she needed from me — to be loved.   Accepted.   Held.   Cherished.   Safe.   So I make my embrace a safe place for her.  A place where she knows she can let it all out.  She deserves it.  She's my best friend.  “I love you so much, girly,” I say, my words clear this time as I pull away and take a good look at her as only a best friend can.  I beam. Her sunshine has come back.  “I love you too,” Ana replies.