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"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you".
When I first read this quote, I realized I should start writing down everything my mind created throughout all these years, all kinds of deeply rooted feelings and never shared stories. Have I made the right decision? Seemingly yes. From short texts to poetry, I was able to counterbalance the good in the world with my own version of exquisite darkness which lies within my soul.
Long lost Souls
Aug 06, 2019 5 years agoBeautiful sunsets, slowly and gracefully outshining the dead. Crippling darkness… emerging from the long lost souls, trying hard to bury their last drop of breath. But nothing is to worry, for them are sleeping well, deep in the grounds where peace and light is always to be found. Darkness shall rise no more, but only love and light from the long lost souls, trying to find their way out, through the never-ending grounds. -inspired by my deceased grandmother-
A moment of dissociation
Aug 04, 2019 5 years ago“I find myself regarding existence as though from beyond the tomb, from another world; all is strange to me; I am, as it were, outside my own body and individuality; I am depersonalized, detached, cut adrift. Is this madness? … No.” – Henri-Frédéric Amiel Have you ever wondered how unreality feels? Have you ever wondered how it feels to feel unreal? To feel completely disconnected from reality? If you do, I'm deeply sorry for you, but if you don't, buckle up and enjoy the ride! It was a chilly November afternoon when everything started. I was walking home when something hit my brain with the speed of sound. Suddenly, I started questioning if this world is real, or I'm just living in a simulator. I was petrified because I have never experienced anything like this before. I thought I was going crazy and my first thought was "I can't go schizophrenic, I just can't". I felt weightlessness in my hands and legs, disorientation, a dream-like state. I was slowly diffusing into non-existence. Suddenly finding myself imprisoned in the ruins of the fortresses my mind created, I realized I took reality for granted. I felt captive in my own mind and I couldn't get out. I felt like a veil separated me from everything. The whole world seemed lifeless, dreadful, artificial. I tried my best to climb the wall that was separating me from the outside world, but fell back down every time. I tried to listen carefully to every sound - they seemed louder and then...nothing. I felt like time has stopped for a while and I was living the same moment over and over again - it was an endless carousel and I couldn't get off of it. I was scared, paralyzed by the fear of remaining in that infinite moment, unable to live another one again. I froze. I closed my eyes and dived deep into the darkest corner of my mind. There was a hill, filled with blue little creatures, faded tress, monochrome circles rolling over the hill and four doors. I felt discombobulated. Why four? Did I have to choose? Or maybe I was supposed to go through all of them. I decided to choose one - the one on which it was written "Reality Check". That was it. I entered the door and felt like someone put me on acid - vibrant colors, thundering sounds, overjoyed silhouettes and suddenly I was back, back on the street. Back in my own body, but still had my mind trapped.
Broken pieces
Aug 04, 2019 5 years agoDeep in the woods and far from the sun, I searched for broken pieces, long forgotten down the line. Overflowed but empty, hollow trees were passing by, waiting for the sun to light their holes beneath the ground and sky. Trembling noises restlessness roving like flames in the air, moving around the broken pieces which I left along the way. None to be seen, and none to be heard, but only broken pieces screaming louder than my raging thoughts. Little did I know that those broken pieces were never to be found, for they were deeply rooted in the corner of my eyes.
