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Hey everyone, I'm 18 and I've been interested in writing from quite a young age. However, I've never gone to any courses or shared my writing with anybody beside close family members and friends so I'd like to grow on here by getting honest feedback and learning from others!
Escaping misery
Jul 09, 2024 4 months agoShe wails on the ground, grasping for breath between each hiccup. The entire earth seems to be spinning while simultaneously everything is completely still, even the air. She can't tell if she is still crying anymore, the tears on her cheeks now a permanent part of her face. She looks around for the hundredth time, desperate for some kind of sign that she deserves to live, that it isn't her time to go yet, that there has been a reason behind her agony all along…but there's nothing in the silence. No voice from the sky comes to remind her that her life is worth living, no inspiring quote is carved into any of the trees poles – there's no answer, no explanation to everything she's been through. What's the point of suffering if it never ends up getting better? If all you get from it is unhealable trauma and a complete loss of meaning, isn't it better to end it before you burry yourself even deeper into the never-ending darkness? Isn't death more merciful than drowning in loneliness and self-torment for an eternity? Her breathing becomes rapid, she can't tell if she's on the verge of a panic attack or if she's having a stroke, but it doesn't matter anymore. Anything that brings her closer to death is welcomed. Her upper eyelids are falling down by themselves and this time, she doesn't fight them. She lets them close, allows her mind to go elsewhere, to a place where misery isn't all that there is… ‘'Caitlin! Caitlin!'' her best friend, George, is calling her name from the other side of the fence. He's still too short to reach the top of it, but he's still trying, even if he knows there's no possibility for him to do so. His dark brown hair is all around the place, his eyes big and curious, thrilled for whatever the day has ahead. Is this a memory? Or is this what death is like, going back to the times you could experience genuine happiness? ‘'George!'' she screams, a giant smile appearing on her face immediately. ‘'Open the door!'' ‘'Oh right, yes, of course.'' At first she can't clearly remember where their door was, but it only takes her a couple of seconds to find it. She doesn't hesitate in opening it, letting George in who instantly runs up to her and hugs her tighter than anyone has in the past ten years. His body feels fragile, like she could break him in half if she uses more strength. She breathes in his scent – chocolate and milk and childhood joy, and tries to memorize it forever this time. Soft pieces of his hair are brushing the top layer of her skin, goosebumps emerging all over her arms. She closes her eyes, holding tightly onto him, onto his scent and laugh, onto the rate of his heart and the delight his presence brings back in her… Her eyes open back to the reality she tried so persistently to escape from. However, this time breathing feels easier rather than an endless task you have to commit to if you want to survive. In lieu of the usual coldness and tightness that surround her stomach, warmth and giddiness have come along – a feeling she last remembers to have felt back when she was a kid. She doesn't even feel when her face moves from a frown to a smile, but it's so genuine she doesn't try changing it. Leaves and dirt are stuck in her hair, but she finds it rather funny than infuriating like she would have just an hour ago. The sun is creeping in through the tree's crowns, embracing Caitlin's body in a spellbinding hug, warming the surface of her skin. Her mind is buzzing with the excitement of seeing her childhood best friend again, with the emotions that doing so brought back in her – the same ones she thought she'll never have the chance to feel again. As the memory of her tears is disappearing from both her face and mind, all she can think about is There's not a single life not worth of living up until the end.
When death comes along
Jul 08, 2024 4 months agoWhen my soul leaves my body, spread my ashes into the wind so i can have a taste of freedom. Mix whatever's left of my tears with the ocean and allow the living creatures to feed themselves with my now lifeless bones; let my blood evaporate in the sun. Please, give me permission to merge with the earth in a way I was never capable of doing while I was still breathing.
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